Grief & Loss

Losing someone I’ve noticed has been very hard in this lifetime. We miss the essence of the person, the moments spent and we morn the future we hoped with the person. We will no longer see them.

Something I’ve also learned is the grieving of the person has different stages in life. Why am I writing about this? Well, we have had a loss in my family and recently a few losses in this country and its hard. But more so, to actually have knowledge of what you are going through when you loose someone also helps. These feelings are called the stages of grief. The reason why this is good to know because it helps you understand and it takes away the feeling that your are going “crazy” when all you are doing is grieving. 

Now Before I tell you about these stages I must tell you that there are more ways to feel grief, its not just because you loose someone. This happens when you loose a friend, when you break up with someone, and I’m going to be true to my personality right now… moving up in the world.

There are 5 stages most human go through when they morn someone.

1 Denial It’s a defense mechanism and perfectly natural. 
2  Anger Anger can be seen in many forms ways. This all depends on a person, it can range from not saying anything to hurting themselves, to hurting other. Or Isolating. Everyone deals with sadness in their own way.  
3 Bargaining Asking God to bring them back. This is where a person ask for their loved one back. They beg God to bring them back or they even try to bargain their pain to go away. 
4 Depression
Depression is actually a clump of symptoms (sadness, not being able to eat or sleep, weight gain, loss, anger, isolation, loss of  concentration, feeling hopeless and helpless, can’t control negative thinking, irritable, short-tempenred, reckless behavior, thoughts of not worth living). Note: This can be different for children. 
5 – Acceptance

Some emotional detachment and objectivity. This can happen before or after someone has gone out of your life.

One of the biggest things that you have to remember is that everyone lives and dies. Death is not something that we can avoid. HOWEVER, life and LIVING is something you can ENJOY.  
Life is a piece of cake. Making the cake has a process. Going through this will help you get through.
Smile (If you want) 

Mental Health, Personal Hygiene, Make-up & Style


There is something interesting about having a bad day, more interesting when that bad day can turn into a good day just because you spruced yourself up a little.

Hygiene
Personal hygiene is a frequent topic I ask when someone is sad, down, low… you name it. Why? Because usually when people are not taking care of their physical, they are not doing well inside either.  Have you had days where you just don’t want to shower and you want to stay on the couch because you are in a funk? That is what I am talking about… not always a good smelling thing eh?
You see, taking care of your personal hygiene is VERY important because It can help you feel good about yourself. It helps you not smell so others won’t look at your weird for smelling so bad, which helps decrease you feeling insecure. When you comb your hair and brush your teeth you are telling yourself that you are working to make yourself look good. You are showing yourself that you care about you. It is a habit that can happen.
Make-Up & Style
Dressing up can also help bring that bad day into a good day.  If you are a lady you can wear some make up (if you’re into that). Some Covergirl make-up can help with that along with some sweet mascara and some lipstick.
http://www.covergirl.com/beauty-products/lip-makeup/lip-glosshttp://www.covergirl.com/beauty-products/face-makeup/foundation-makeup
 


Ladies: You can dress up; use up your girl/woman card. Some cute bangles, some popping’ heals and your dreaded day becomes an “oh cool, this is cute day.”
Sometimes simple things are good for you. It helps bring back that smile, uplift you through feeling beautiful in and out.

Men:  Try a nice suit, or slacks and a button down. It’s nice to look good once in a while. If you’re in a job that doesn’t allow a button down, wear that smile and help increase that confidence.  You can always look good if you want to.
So Next time you are feeling low, sad or just in a funk, try sprucing yourself up! It doesn’t hurt, it can help.
Hope you have a beautiful day.

Smile (if you want)

 
 

Before the Guards come into schools: A STRONG suggestion

I’m all for helping our children be and feel safe. I am glad that there will be more safety with our children at their schools.
With that said. I have a few concerns.
One concern being that I have not heard how the children will be introduced to having gun-carrying guards at schools. You see, for many children having a cop, military or what not in the school is cool. However, as all children are wiser than adults sometimes, they pair armed guard with danger and their minds wonder.  How do I know, I work with them, and I’ve been asked about it already.
For many children, school is one of the safest places to be. They are young; they have no cares in the world, as children should feel safe and free.
So — coming from the Child and Family Psychotherapist perspective here… Adding guards to a school may negatively and also positively influence a child’s innocence. I’m not saying that this is certain and it will happen. However, I am saying that there needs to be a plan in place where we prepare the children and their parents before the armed guards show up to the school for an extended stay.
Why?
This will allow the children to know what is going on. I know you hated not knowing what was going on and wondered why things where growing up…. Well guess what? Children now a day like to know too and feel the same way we did when they are not told things. Children are to be respected. You want the children to respect the armed guards? Then respect them; by informing the students and parents you will be doing so. Also, you may be able to decrease the anxiety some children may have due to seeing armed guards.
As for the long terms effects, educating children of the armed guards, letting them ask questions will allow for rapport to be built with the children and armed guards. This will help them feel even safer and know that the guards are there to protect them. Children will know who to go to in case of an emergency. We need the children to feel safe, not to wonder or obtain wrong information as to why they are “really” there. Children have a big imagination, I’m very sure they will make up stories, but having them hear the right answers will help decrease the fears and possible anxiety.
Telling children about the change will allow for more communication, less fear and less anxiety. Therefore, I do hope that a procedure of some sort is ready before implementing the guards. I hope this is given to the teachers, school psychologist, mental health therapist and so on… but most of all, to the parents. Because some parents don’t even know what is going on or how to talk to the children about what is going on, let alone, they having to explain it to the children as their children ask question.
Long term Concerns
There may be children who can be traumatized, and keeping in mind that this may also trigger teachers and staff. So it will be best to have a plan for the teachers and staff also.  I honestly can’t wait to hear it, so we can get this going ASAP.
Also, money wise, preparing will help with long lasting effects (trauma). If children are not prepared this might mean more teens in trouble and jail. Which means later down the line, more adults who have issues to deal and work through. But then again, that’s with almost everyone now a days…but if we can help prevent this, which would be great. My last concern would be what will be said in this plan, because we don’t want to scare the kids… So these are just something to think about.
These are some of my concerns. Overall, good job in keeping our children safe. We need it.
Smile (if you want)
Jes Sofia 
Note: this is my mind at work here…

Re-Post: The Middle-Class Tax Cuts’ Impact on HISPANIC-AMERICAN FAMILIES

Today on a Conference call with President Barack Obama, we Latino Leaders were asked to help find out: What does #MY2K means for you? How will an income TAX rise of 2K affect you? 
Please leave your message on this post or the Link Below.

I know what how 2K can help me in my everyday household… I can only imagine how much this will help others. Please tell your story on how 2K will help your household, your family, and your life to the White House: HERE

Help make some Change.

Smile (if you want)

Jes Sofia

#Ivotebecause…

I’m a woman with morals. I’m also an independent woman. I am a woman who has pre-existing conditions. I am a woman who loves to be able to work and be the boss. I am the woman who loves other cultures. I am a woman who knows God LOVES us ALL. I am a woman who does not want to go back to the 50’s because I like me now. I am a woman who knows I am no one to throw the first stone and judge because wewere given our own will. I am a woman who believes that Unions should have a voice. I am a woman who is God Fearing. I am a woman who went to Planned Parenthood when she had no insurance to get treated by amazing Doctors. I’m a woman who is into science who knows that one day my daily arthritic pain will be cured with research. I am a woman. I am a woman that is voting to re-elect president OBAMA.

Smile (If you want)

Jes Sofia

LATISM and Johnson & Johnson

Have you ever wondered what  Johnson & Johnson does? 

This year I was a the LATISM (Latinos in social media) Conference and J&J where there!!
I was so happy to see them on being part of this Conference.  Something I did not know is that J&J is also Neutragena. I was soooo amazed as I have written before, I love!!! Love !! Love!! Neutragena as I’ve been using it since I was 13 years old.

I also learned that they have awesome initiatives going on ALL OVER the world! 

This is some of what they do:

Saving & Improving Lives
Saving & Improving LivesWe support programs for women and children who struggle to survive in places with limited health care, education or social support.
Healthcare Development and Training
Building Health Care CapacityWe partner with respected groups to build the skills of people who serve community health needs, primarily through education.
Preventing Diseases
Preventing DiseasesWe work with communities to prevent chronic disease like HIV/AIDS and diabetes, and help people cope with the stigmas of disease and mental illness.

I’m always amazed on how wonderful and giving J&J is to the community. I acknowledged their efforts and defiantly would like to work with them.

Thank you for being part of our communites and for being part of LATISM. www.latism.org

Fall call for Action: Increase healthy food access and reduce fast food proliferation

I use to work for a Foundation the PADRE Foundation. Where I learned about Diabetes Type 1 and 2. One, of many, things I learned is that Diabetes type two can be prevented sometimes with weight loss and healthy eating. Now granted, tho this is a genetic base Chronic Illness, it has been proven that keeping healthy with healthy foods can help decrease one’s chances of getting Type 2 diabetes. 

Thankfully, I don’t have Diabetes and I am doing all to avoid having that. But I do have to say we have people in South LA that are diagnosed with Diabetes and are told to eat better and healthier yet they can’t or won’t because they don’t have the access to healthier food! I have to say that I grew up in Watts, CA (South LA). And back in the day, the only foods we had are still the ones we have today. I was talking to my mom about how nice it would be to have a Trader Joe’s or a Health food store in South LA. Well… that same day I was asked to help with a campaign that is going on until the end of the Month of September. This Awesome Campaign is to Increase healthy food access and reduce fast food proliferation in South LA.

Now I know many of you reading this are not from South LA, but that does not matter. We need your help! We need your Vote. So if you want South LA to have an Increase healthy food access and reduce fast food proliferation in South LA then please vote! Get your practice on for November 6th election.

This is what Los Angeles City Council and City Planning Department says:

“There has been increasing recognition of the impact of the built environment on the health of individuals and communities. Basic recommendations associated with disease prevention and health promotion, such as good nutrition, are more difficult to achieve in low-income, ethnic communities where there is a scarcity of food resources. The lack of access to healthy, high-quality foods has been shown to contribute to the increased prevalence of obesity and overweight, which are risk factors for nutrition-related chronic diseases such as heart disease and diabetes. We find the greatest evidence of this in the communities of South Los Angeles. For these reasons, we ask that you support our efforts to collect over 1,000 petitions in support of MAKING SOUTH LA A HEALTHIER COMMUNITY by encouraging development that reduces disparities in healthy food resource access.” – Los Angeles City Council and City Planning Department

I appreciate your support.

Thank you!

Smile (if you want)

Jes Sofia

In partnership with the CHC (Council for a Healthy Community) and Bloggers of Health.

 

Honey for Healing? YES!

This summer I was able to join a group of ladies for a Mini Spa day in Larchmont, Ca. Thanks to the Honey Board!  I was thrilled that I was actually able to enjoy Nature’s sweet, Honey.
 
Honey at the Spa was used as a facial mask, along with oatmeal to help cleanse the skin. I love the idea of using natural products to help our skins feel revamped. I had the pleasure of meeting the reps for Honey! I called them the honey Bees!!! (Yeah I know, I couldn’t resist!) They were so kind and really helped us create a nest.
 
And Of course I’ve done my research on Why Honey is so important in health. So here you go!
 
Did you know that Honey is a Healer?
 
I mean, when you’re sick, your mom always tells you to drink tea con (with) Honey! When you want to cuddle you go to your Honey! Oh wait… this is a different type of Honey. They are nice too…
 
“Already in ancient times honey was used as a drug and for the treatment of wounds. In recent years the different effects of honey on wound-healingprocesses.” It has been shown that “In the treatment of poorly healing and infected wounds within the head and neck area, medical honey can be used successfully without problems as an effective alternative to conventional treatment options. Constant treatment leads to fast wound lavation, granulation, reduction of putrid smells and a decrease in inflammation.[1]” So basically when you have something going on on your head or neck area you can usually treat it with some sweetness, Honey! … Now, Now not the other honey…. I’m talking about Honey! Ok I’m getting confused now so I will stop that.
 
I also read that HONEY can help heal superficial burn injuries. And do you know why? It has natural antibiotic agents that help promote healing and prevents so much more from happening to your skin [2]. So the cheerleader in me has to say it!  Give me an H- (H you got your H)…ok I’m done.
 
Now, like with anything I tell you. I will ask you to Please check with your doctor to make sure that you are treated accordingly. But thus far, Honey is a sweet!
 
Thank you Honey Board!

 
Smile (If you want)
 
 


1. Knipping S, Grünewald B, Hirt R., (2012)[Medical honey in the treatment of wound-healing disorders in the head and neck area] 2012 Sep;60(9):830-6.

 
2. Lloyd EC, Michener M, Williams MS. (2012) Outpatient burns: prevention and care. 2012 May 1;85(9):25-32

When you don’t have…

Something I’ve learned in life is that people will judge you when you don’t have…

When you don’t have something that they do because they think that you cannot experience it.  Not having something does not mean that you cannot understand, want to understand or cannot relate with someone/something with in a similar situation. I’ve learned that you can still understand or at least try to. Along with there are people who do understand… Can I say understand one last time please? I just did! (I feel like Joey in the Friends episode where he recited Chandler and Rachels Wedding bit… Share, give, recieve, share, recieve and give, give, recieve and share or something like that.. anywho).

I have written about this before that I have Chronic pain, and Neuropathy (I cannot feel my calves and I get unannounced numbness, heat and tingles down my legs or other parts of my beautiful body. Like right now, my bottom lip is numb). Granted, I have had better days, but everyday I wake up stiff, I go for a walk to shake off the stiffness… yet you cannot see my pain. You cannot see me in pain because I have chosen to smile and move beyond it, not allowing it to hinder me or stop me now.  So when it comes to issues of Pain, I have learned that EVERY SINGLE person has a different experience, but there are similarities in how we cope, in how we treat and how we have grown through our difficulties.

This summer I had an amazing discussion with Laurita who has spina bifida and hydrocephalus. We laughed about the dark humor we hold when it comes to our pain. How we have made music of the hard thumping an MRI’s makes while they are making sure our spines are ok. We discussed how laughter has been our promoter instead of the morphine or vicodine pills.

I told her of how at age 11, I was addicted to codine because I had hip dysplasia and My mother noticed that I would ask for the medication even before I had pain because I was afraid of pain. And you know what? I learned how to use medication the right way. I could have steered the other way.

We even discussed of the Celebrities we have met because of us being children in Pain. Believe it or not, the pain brought us good luck. LOL. We have chosen to see life in its positive form. Instead of complaining about our ongoing pain all the time, we have become advocates in educating and spreading the word on Health. We don’t have perfect bodies, and we work daily to improve ourselves. I’ve learned that I’m not alone in this journey. That other than God, someone else understands me even though we don’t have the same pain or the same diagnosis. I’ve also learned that I have similarities with healthy pain free people too! Who would have thunk it! 🙂

So the next time you think that no one could ever understand you, you are both wrong and right.  No one will ever be you and/or your type of pain (Physical or Mental). But there are people out there going through something everyday. If people want to understand you, they will make time to know you more. Take the time to show that they want to be there for you. You will also come across some people who are not fit to see you in pain… and that too is ok. That just makes them not fit for you while in pain. That doesn’t mean that there are not other people WHO DO want to help you. I learned that this summer too. It doesn’t make you or them any less of a person when someone doesn’t fit you.

I hope the next time you feel out of place, in pain, emotional pain, worried, alone, happy and even excited, know that you are not alone. And… that there are a lot of people who understand, it just takes you to tell people what you are going through, they will be there for you. I’ve learned how to do that too.

I hope this October 25-27 you join us (Laurita C., Helen T., Alex M., Jessica O and yours Truly) at the LATISM‘s conference as we discuss “The Role of Bloggers in Health Education.”

Smile (if you want),

Jes Sofia Valle