Change

Hi! 🦿

I’ve been working on many things… more in particular in losing weight because steroids, although helped me to reduce pain for many years, they did not help me with my weight.

Recently I had a HORRIBLE Arthritic Flare up! I wasn’t able to move my knees or my elbows, shoulders, wrist… name the joint and it was stuck! It’s been painful. Talk about being a Cyborg… yes, I feel i’m past being bionic…LOL And I’m still struggling with my knee and shoulder pain. Anywho… whaaa whaaa whaaa 😭. I am doing moving now… and continue to walk and work. 😊 Thank Goodness! Have to keep at it! 😀

Well, life is painful sometimes 🤷🏽‍♀️ and right now there are a LOT of changes. However, I want to remind you that continuing to focus on your health is most important. And it’s the time to focus on your needs… maybe buy a house (if you can) buy land, get into bitcoin… all the stuff that wealthy people are doing but in a lower scale if you are not well off.

Change is hard… BUT survivable (is that a word? LOL🤦🏽‍♀️ 🤣)

I continue to work on things that my mind wants to create and do. Projects are always fun. Also, continue to love and enjoy helping people and their own lives in my real job…

Anyways (yes I am from Last Century)… I hope you continue to be empowered to do what you need to to stay 1. Alive, 2. Health, 3. Fed, 4. Loved, 5. Stable, 6. Calm and Strong and …7. Alive again…

Smile (if you want),

Jes 😊

Being…

Authentically you (be warned this is a post you read after coffee).

I usually find it easy to be myself. Until I get sick or trapped in my own self.

Have you ever felt this? Where you are on a roll, and then life happens. Simple allergies that feel like that are overtaking your body like a…(ready a long run-on sentence because my grammar is Bitbantersexy…lol) norovisrus covid PTSD moment coughing frenzy comes and you are now left in bed talking to your friends instead of being with them but you already had plans to go visit some awesome nature park but can’t because your coughing off a storm and its windy and who knows when your body will recover. Yes, this happens to many of us in spring, all because they want to grow, little beautiful flowers. The pollen is in full bloom and then… bam! Achoo!

And the first question that comes out of people’s mind is, she is sick Have COVID? You would think that a few years after such pandemic, we have been able to reduce that question. However, it’s the first questions that comes to our mind. It makes me wonder how people during the depression felt and how long they take those lessons of life with them throughout life. And how drastic those thoughts are to whom the depression did not affect them (The Psychology of Money, gave me that thought). It’s what takes being…to a whole new level. Mind you, we take being to our own level, we raise our own bars (enter a friend telling me “Get a bar.”). We elevate who we are with, who we are talking to, and who we allow to be in our lives. And we allow them to bring us up too (If we let them). So when it comes to being authentic, and then get sick and feel trapped, we must muster through the fields of whatever our minds are going through and unstrap ourselves by allow a little virus we got from a kid who was probably sick and left the virus germ on a door knob that your opened to go an help someone else as your finish your round up (this I statement I started using recently ‘:-) Round up).

Being Sick

It’s funny how our body attack can change our thinking. Weather (storm lol) it be because of how we just feel like MEEEEEHHHH or because we place this idea in our mind that we are trapped and HAVE to stay in bed to recuperate and let this body that has gone through so many wars already go through something like so again. But is it really a war? (Just saying, it’s a cough that made you have bronchio spams… altering your voice so that you have sexy voice…I mean lol).

But regardless of being any type of sick or having a chronic illness, being you at that moment and time is because of something, or it may even help someone else.

Being Authentically You

I’ve learned this the hard way, that being you, with whom you are with will allow anything to happen. I met up with an old friend and I warned her I was not my best, yet even sick, I had the most incredible talk about something and everything. She understood me, in different ways because we just understand each other. The right people come to us when we least expect it. I just spoke to someone today, and he provided the sense of love, calm, and peace I needed to get through a bronchio-spasm asthmatic moment comes in and laughter comes in. I mean it gets better when you allow people whom your instincts tell you are worth being in your life. When you can be yourself with someone and they just smile, laugh, or don’t try to change you…and allow you to be…you. These moments are called elevating human energy. And this is something I’m defiantly interested in.

When you allow people and you come with who you are at that moment. And you allow yourself to be you… so much can happen. Yes, even if you are feeling trapped in your body and feeling sick. Giving positive energy is reciprocated with the people that are meant to be in your life and vice versa. And like with everything, always know your boundaries. You don’t want to get overused either. Everything with good measure.

I’m out to get some rest and sleep to have more of that energy stuff and help humans get to where they want to get to, Healthy too. Make it a great (enter when you are reading this)! (If you want). -Jes

Being Kind

For many, the act of kindness is everyday. For others, it’s been a difficult time to learn how to be kind. Neither is right or wrong. The fact that you are trying says a lot about your wanted ability. Like with everything, for some it takes lots of practice, and in practicing you end up learning more about yourself. Now, learning some hard stuff about yourself isn’t always a positive, so I recommend that if you are not use to doing this, to go to a therapist to help you process learning how to be kind. It can be tough and again, that is normal.

Learn to be kind to yourself First

So how are you kind to yourself first?

When you feel something is off, trust your instincts.

When life gives you options, do what you feel will make you feel happiest with not regrets (ie don’t choose drugs over a good run to bring your adrenaline up)

When upset at yourself, give your self grace because you are either about to learn a lesson, or you just finished learning a lesson. Ask yourself what did I learn from this so I won’t go through it again.

When you have to make a hard choice, be happy that you have choices to make.

What if you have a done something horrible?
call a therapist and talk it through. Life is to short to not work it out with yourself and someone that is trained to understand.
when you have doubts… write them down.
come back to them and revisit when you’ve given yourself a day or two to think it through.

If this is stressful? Make a cake , do some yoga and deep breathing 😮‍💨 know that all will be well and you’ve got this! Be kind to you. Once you begin to be kind to you all starts to fall into place.

Once you’ve practiced to be kind to you, then you will know and have grace to be kind to others.

Ten ways to know that you have a Doctor who cares.

There are a lot of doctors in this world. Not all doctors treat the same. Some are wham bam thank you ma’am! and others take thier time to listen. For some, the first approach is perfect for them. There are a lot of people that just like to know what the doctor thinks and leaves. Just like there are others who need the hug and care. Not everyone is build the same when it comes how we receive care… everyone has a different personality. And today i’m writing on the basics of caring is…along with giving you ten ways to know how to receive and look for care!

First of all, what is caring, and how is it seen? That in its self is like beauty… in the eye of the beholder to be honest. According to the Oxford Dictionary, Care can be seen as a noun or a verb.

“Noun:

The provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something.

‘the care of the elderly’

‘the child is safe in the care of her grandparents’

‘health care’

Serious attention or consideration applied to doing something correctly or to avoid damage or risk.

‘he planned his departure with great care’

An object of concern or attention.

‘the cares of family life’

A feeling of or occasion for anxiety.

‘she was driving along without a care in the world’

Verb:

(often with negative) Feel concern or interest; attach importance to something.

‘they don’t care about human life’

with clause ‘I don’t care what she says’

Feel affection or liking.

‘you care very deeply for him’

Care for something/care to do something Like or be willing to do or have something.

‘would you care for some tea?’

‘I don’t care to listen to him’

Care for Look after and provide for the needs of.

‘he has numerous animals to care for’ ” (Oxford Dictionaries)

….. *Fingers breathe!* that is a whole lotta caring! lol

Back to the Tens…

So see… caring on its own is a lot. I want you to think about yourself because looking for a doctor that fits you is very important. What do you think Care is…That is also what is important to realize too. And how do you obtain it?

Here are some says to help you choose and help you think through:

Do You feel safe with your doctor to tell them the truth enough for them to care? It is important to be able to honest with your doctor on how you are feeling. It is one of many most important ways they are able to help you. May it be your internists, chiropractor, psychologist… people in the health field are there to help and serve you to become the best you can be!
Does your doctor ask questions? If your doctor is not asking questions (especially in the beginning), I would think twice about that Doctor. Because Doctors NEED to ask questions (even though some of the questions may sound weird). How else to they know whats up with you? I mean I get someone telling the doctor everything..but a few questions are necessary still (so my doctor friends tell me).
Are you in the right specialist? does your doctor

Finding a Good Therapist For Your Child

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To look for a child therapist can be nerve-wracking. Try not to let this deter you from getting the treatment your child needs. There are ways to find a therapist that is a good fit for your child and yourself.

Practical ways to find a good therapist for your child and you:

Talk with your friends and family to see if they have any recommendations of therapists they have found helpful for their children and families.
Check with your insurance provider for a list of therapist and begin calling those on the list
Ask your primary care physician or pediatrician for a recommendation.
Search the internet for local providers.
Verify that the therapist has a clean record through the state licensing department such as the Board of Behavioral Sciences in California (https://www.breeze.ca.gov/datamart/selSearchTypeCADCA.do?from=loginPage)

Questions to ask a potential therapist:

Do they have experience working with the age group of your child?
What is their theoretical framework? Have them explain how they feel it can help your child. Have them explain the pros and cons of their treatment
Do they appear comfortable and okay with your questions? If they seem defensive or judgmental then they likely are not a good fit.
1. Don’t feel offended if they don’t want to answer personal questions, they are trained to make it all about you, not them.
Are they open to including you in part of the treatment; family sessions, parenting collateral?
Are they doing a complete assessment; asking about family history, current family composition, academic, and social functioning? These are all important in developing a sound diagnosis and treatment planning.
Are they letting you know what the treatment is and obtaining your input, seeing if you have any concerns, and inquiring of your ideas of the possible problems and what the outcome is that you would like?
Are they able to develop a good relationship with your child and you?

Know your rights!

If you do not feel a therapist is a good fit, you have the right to request a different one!

For more information on finding a good therapist, check these additional resources

http://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/children/treatment/choosing-therapist-your-child

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/nurturing-resilience/201011/finding-great-therapist-your-child

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/daniela-tempesta-lcsw/how-to-pick-a-therapist_b_4571857.html

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/01/26/10-ways-to-find-a-good-therapist/

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist

Michelle Natale LMFT

Michelle is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been working with youth and families for over 17 years.

Michelle graduated from Chapman University with her Masters in Psychology; emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy.

Michelle earned her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from California State University at Northridge.

Why a Pet?

Most people have a pet. Whether it be a Dog, cat, birth, iguana… you name it. We have them. And they make us happy, frustrated, annoyed, excited… they make us feel. They come with responsibility and remind us to be accountable for ourselves.

At least that’s what I’ve learned with having Max from his 4th day of life. I actually took Max to the doctor early on to the vet because he came from a scary mom that was doing her nature thing in eating her babies for some reason or another. So the neighbor rescued whoever he could, and I could only save one of the two because I wasn’t that kind of doctor! Back to taking him to the doctor, he said he was too little and would not survive the slash on his head and eyelid made by his biological mother. Welp, I used the the skills I learned at UCLA rotations in high school, and did butterfly stitches to close his wounds and did lots of research on how to feed him. I also called brewery farms to find out why he wasn’t pooping, and they told me how to do enemas on one week old puppies. I didn’t sleep for many days because I was up every two hours feeding him. I mean, if anything, i’m glad we were confined to indoors back then during them covid days, year ago (last year). Because Lord knows I was not sleeping, and i begged my mom to take puppy for a few hours while I slept. And as he healed, I took pictures, it was him and I and my family. Everyone loved him. He was a lot of work. And I read all sorts of dog blog post, called vets, asked questions and lord oh lord did i ask questions. I got him Pet insurance, and i went back to work because i had to feed this new pup and get him doggy insurance. I don’t regret working and listen to people while they were horrified of what was going on due to covid. Even though i had my own fears because i’m immune compromised. But i had a new mouth to feed. He was something else. brough lots of joy just being around him. He still does, even though he’s much faster than I am now a days. I cannot run with him because i can’t physically run, but i do go on strolls with him. I’m teaching him how to go the the same treadmills and I walk on (separately of course), and I’m very happy to come home and have someone to feed. He brings lots of joy. I mean, this morning, he was on the side of my bed waiting for me to get up so we can go out for a play outside, and for food (that he chose not to eat) because the chicken wasn’t done for me to add to his meal. (just like a child). But he doesn’t speak, and figuing him out has been awesome. I tell him to show me what he wants and he takes me to where and why. When he’s mad at me, i know because he will go to the bathroom trash can and throw it on the floor in front of the main door. When i’m looking for something and I can’t find it, he usually places it in front of the door when i’m home so i can look for it. so it can be a blessing because he’s mad and will act like a teenager, or a blessing because he found what i’m looking for. He is highly intelligent. I mean what german shepard and husky isn’t? Anywho, this is a little note to remind people that Dog are not just pets, they can be so much more if you let them. Buddy, my last dog who passed away a year ago (after living 24.5 years), got the opportunity to teach him all his training on how to let me know when my sugar was low. Buddy use to bring me a toy bread when i was starting to get low. Now Max brings me a specific snoopy when i’m going low. Go figure. I’m happy Buddy was able to teach him, and Max is always sniffing my inner elbow (what is that called again?) to make sure i’m ok. There is a lot that that comes with taking care of others, especially when a pet takes care of you back. So if you are thinking of a pet, make sure you are ready for one, financially, and emotionally. The more you love them, the more they protect you. Ok, i’m just writing to write because i’ve not written in a very long time, of which you will read of eventually.

So why a PET?

They are an amazing form of unconditional love, that make you grow into a more awesome human because you have to keep it alive and they bring lots of joy to your life. If you are willing to work for one that is…

Have a good week. Make it all the best this week, for you and if you have a pet, for your pet too.

xoxo Jes Sofia V.

https://www.instagram.com/maxvpuppy

How to Trust Again

Trust is essential to all healthy relationships. Trust can be difficult to obtain and very quickly broken. As a couple’s counselor I work with couples who want to trust each other. They have so many questions: whether they can trust each other in daily household tasks, whether they can be emotionally vulnerable to each other, whether fidelity is a possibility, etc. Without trust relationships will not flourish to their potential.

Dr. John Gottman, an expert researcher and educator on marriages and families states that “trust is central to what makes human communities work”. Dr. Gottman states that trust is built on what he called “sliding door moments”. These are moments are found every day. For example, you are focused on a particular task i.e. watching a movie and noticed that your partner looks sad. You have two choices: ask what is wrong or watch your movie. To stop and ask what is the matter: that is a moment where you are building trust. It is subtle and quite fleeting but sends the message: “I am paying attention and I am here.”

Graduate student Dan Yoshimoto, who closely works with Dr. Gottman summarized that the basis for trust and therefore rebuilding that trust is found in the acronym ATTUNE. To become attuned means to consciously and intentionally be present. So, I have outline some tips to help you become attuned with in your relationship.

1.Pay attention to your partner’s emotions. If you are unclear ask your partner how they are feeling.

2.Identify how you are feeling. Take ownership of your emotions by using “I statements”.

3.Recognize that there are two points of views: theirs and yours.

4.Never resort to name calling or putdowns.

5.Stay on topic. The present situation does not warrant bringing up unresolved issues.

6.Be empathic to your partner

Trust can be fortified every day and if you are are ATTUNED to one another.

Resources

Gottman, John and Nan Silver. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books, 2015. Print.

Gottman, John. The Science of Trust. New York: W.W Norton & Company,LLC, 2011. Print.

BOH Blogger: Yaritza

Yaritza Zayas, MS, MFT, LPC

www.thesharecenter.net

Yaritza Zayas, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor . She is co-owner of SHARE Counseling & Therapy Services™, a private practice in Philadelphia, Pa. Yaritza graduated from Temple University with her B.S. in Human Biology and a minor in Anthropology. She earned her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Holy Family University.

Life Testing

Everyday I wake up and think… what should I write about today? Should I do research, should I spellcheck… hey, should I find someone to inspire me today…

So I decided to just write from my heart this year. And off we go to our second post instead. That’s whole blogger thing, ya know? 😉

You know, going through testing In life has to be one of the most difficult things we go through in life… a test. Not to demise a medical test or any other test…? but a test of life. I’ve noticed, that life tests us often and sometimes we don’t know what to do… and we freak out, we cry instead. ? It’s true!! And there is nothing wrong with it, it’s actually healing to cry at loss, because it’s something that you cared for, or someone that gave you breathe. Nevertheless, testing comes… and something I’ve also realized is that we learned something as young kids from long long ago… we we fall or get tradgically tested, we still can get up. We might get bruised up, we might get a bump on our heads… but yet we continue to strive ahead. As we get older some of us will learn to walk with crutches, with wheelchairs and most of us with our legs… but the point of it all as the we learned early lessons. Early lessons to let us keep going ahead.

I hope this reminder helps you to keep forward, keep moving ahead.

Smile (if you want)
Jes

How are you?

Welcome back!

I’m back! I was on hiatus for a year…yup! Taking care of me! I practice what I preached because I really needed to. Things happen and I learned so much from this year. This year is filled with several themes on our blog. I’ll be writing about most of keeping sane (what is that?!) in our everyday basic (not so basic) lives. Of course with my history and knowledge of being a people-listener-and-helper twist on it. My voice is a lot louder now, so I hope you enjoy our post this year.

Xoxo

Jes

Let’s start with: How are you?

Have you ever asked yourself this question more than once a week? (0/)… wait…. Do you even ask yourself this question?

Don’t feel bad. Not many people do. I’ve learned to ask myself this question because I have to. We tend to forget about ourselves much tooooooo often and the “How are you?” is hardly ever answered. Sometimes we do ask ourselves, “How are you?” but do you even answer it honestly?

Most of the time we leave this answer and never give it the response it deserves… why? “Well…to take care of other important things…” Ummm hummm I see you shaking your head because you just realized you haven’t asked yourself… lol

Here are five ways to actually answer this question. Ready?

Write down on a post-it or journal “How are you?” then follow it by actually writing it down on paper your answer. This may cause you to realize a lot of crazy in your life. But that’s ok. You are not alone on this term… everyone has something going on in their lives in some way, shape or another. It’s good to realize the bad and the good.
Record “How are you (HAY)?” on your phone and by the end of the week you should have a narrative of how you where during the week. Imagine? Just asking you HAY five times… that’s funny… Actually answering it would be great. No? ….. Yes! 😀
Write down in your “I am grateful box” how you are doing and why you are happy that you are doing how you are doing… say that ten times! XP Sometimes your “How” may be negative and you don’t want to answer it…
1. Following it up with what you are grateful for (you are breathing, you are alive, you can scream on the top of your lungs that you feel CRAPPY and are having a not so good unhappy moment…. Followed by you are able to do just that O.o) helps you work through the negative feelings and moments for a bit.
2. Life is not so bad when you realize that you are still breathing. Unless you don’t want to do that… then I will HIGHLY recommend you ask for help and get support. (B. I wasn’t messing around…)
Have a “How you are doing buddy.” Someone that actually asks you “How are you?” every day. Note: This will get old on both ends after one month… so I tried. So try having various people ask. Or just get a therapist you go to once a week to ask you about your week. I’m SURE they will ask and listen to all you have to say! Ha-ha
You don’t have to ask yourself how you are doing every day! This is your life! Empower what you need to and if you need to. You can do it once a week, twice a week or every other week. The point: Is to ask yourself how you are doing!

I hope you are able to check on yourself ever so often. I would recommend you talk to people before you do decide to change something drastic in yourself or life and find a team of friends and people who will support you while you asking “How are you?” Sometimes the outcomes are not what you expect… are they ever? Yes, sometimes they are.

Enjoy asking yourself…. How are you?

Smile (if you want),

Jes

How Athletes Psych-up for the Games

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by Julie Olson, PhD

Growing up in Southern California, I have watched over 12 Olympic Games and I’ve seen terrorism, political upheaval, defections, and amazing spirit. One thing I noticed in the behavior of the athletes is that the difference between earning a medal and not getting past the semi-final qualifications is attitude. At least “attitude” is what I called it before I went to grad school in Psychology. Now, I know it as “self-regulation”, or in lay-man’s terms, the ability to “deal.”

From the beginning of these 2016 Games in Rio, I watched the athletes deal with the highs and lows of the competition. As a psychologist, I think I enjoy the back stories more than the average person watching the games. The “up close and personal” pursuit of being the best and overcoming adversity is my passion in life. For the athletes, passion and dedication to the sport is a must, but it is most important to have the perfect trifecta of mind-body-spirit. When it comes to finally competing in the actual event, an athlete’s ability to regulate their fears, hopes, enthusiasm, confidence, and pain is the gold standard of winning.

Balance is a large part of the mind-body-spirit combination. An athlete needs to balance their breath and their heart beat even if they are scared to death. It would be so easy to stumble or over-arch when we don’t feel centered in our bodies.

My first example is of Katie Ledecky winning in the pool. 5 Medals. She was so excited at one point, she said it was the closest she felt to feeling like she would throw up while swimming. But, she didn’t. She won.

Michael Phelps needed to get into recovery before he could be such a great swimmer and win so many gold medals. He needed to, as they say, “check his ego at the door” and be a team mate. Learn to work well with others and be in his own zone, and not get distracted by his competitors.

Any time an Olympian shatters a world record by such a large margin, questions are inevitably raised. Hungary’s Katinka Hosszu swam the 400-meter individual medley with a world record by more than two seconds. Katinka has been drug tested 9 times in 2016 – most recently on June 21. “Confidence” was the drug that got her to win! Her coach/husband motivated her to be her best.

Take Simone Biles, her ability to balance her body and stick those landings is incredible. Said to be the best gymnast ever by Nadia Comaneci, Nadia herself was the athlete with the first perfect 10 in 1976. She says to USA TODAY, “I did what I used to do every day in the gym. It’s not like overnight I’d done something to surprise myself.” Bela and Marta were her coaches back then in Romania and they were the coaches of the US Women’s Gymnastics teams, helping them win decades of gold.

Márta and Bela Károlyi are Hungarian-Romanian gymnastics coaches and the national team coordinators for Team USA. After defecting to the US in 1981, they coached 9 world champions, sixteen European medalists and many U.S. national champions, including Mary Lou Retton and Kerri Strug. Marta focused on motivation and Bela focused on form.

Simone flies high with grace and takes to the ground like she has glue on her feet. Such precision, poise, and balance. She waivered on the balance beam itself, giving her a silver medal, but all others were gold. Did you know she also has a “mental strength coach”? You’ve probably seen Simone before her performances, placing her right hand on her stomach, closing her eyes, and taking a deep breath. In an interview with ESPN, her mental strength coach, Robert Andrews, said that relaxation techniques are exercises they’d been practicing in his office and he was pleased to see her using them to center herself before her events.

I can hardly think of other sports events where there is so much pressure. But, again, it is a very personal experience. Each sport has its challenges. Few have so many close “ties” by the hundredth of a second. Each athlete has their own story of redemption.

Mo Farah wins the 1000m, even after falling. How did he do it? Great attitude, planning out his strategy, kicking back until it was time to sprint to the front, and taking it. Usain Bolt is the “fastest man alive”, winning gold for 3 games in a row. He does it by using the energy of the crowd.

Many athletes pray before an event and give the glory to God. Their spirit is also calming and motivating. It seems to help a team when they pray together before they play together and against each other.

Visualizing your success is an extremely powerful way to get to the podium. Many of the athletes as children have written stories and drawn pictures of themselves winning in their sports of choice. They use those images, delaying gratification for years with discipline. Eventually grown up, being in the moment they visualized, revving themselves up while calming themselves down with positive affirmations.

There is a time and a place where the “agony of defeat” is expressed in a healthy way. Missy Franklin won gold in swimming in 2012 and this year she couldn’t keep up. She said she tried to stay as positive as possible. Her teammates say they love her spirit. She didn’t want to show her disappointment and bring her team down, so as she said, “she cried about it when she was alone” and to her mom.

It was extremely heart-breaking to watch the French runner Wilhem Belocian, after a split-second mistake took him away from his Olympic goals. After years of training, Belocian had only qualified for the 110m hurdles. Unfortunately, he was unable to contain himself and it caused him to bolt out of the starting blocks just a little too early. Electronically alarmed, the buzzer rang out and his hopes of a medal in Rio were over. You can jump the gun one time now and you are out. No “do-overs.” I felt for him. First in denial or shock, he held his head and then he became very angry, tearing off his official number and turning over hurdles. Eventually crying inconsolably, he gave in to the reality of his dashed dreams. You can’t blame him. Imagine all of the time, energy, and money leading up to the games. It is hoped he has a strong supportive network at home. He needs to be reminded that this same thing happened to Usain Bolt in 2011.

One thing that has always bothered me is how the quest for gold is so intense that getting a Silver or Bronze is “not good enough.” Getting qualified for the games and being an Olympian is great and every athlete could enjoy it to the fullest. But to win, you must have goals and there is nothing wrong with a goal of a gold medal.

There are so many examples of athletes using psychological self-regulation skills that I would be writing a 100 page dissertation.

And it has been scientifically proven. Studies at the University of Calgary, Canada, 2015, have found a correlation between self-regulation and world ranking. Athletes who are better at regulating their body’s response to stress–respiration rate, heart rate, and the activation of their muscles–are likely to perform better than those who struggle. Many elite athletes use biofeedback as part of their training. Then, they learn how to use their thoughts to control their physiological responses.

Self-regulation skills are a must in the games, and also a must in life. The competition of life is not as brutal most of the time, and sometimes the stakes are higher.

Learning self-regulation skills takes a good coach, a good trainer, a good therapist. In therapy, we call this flexing your “mental muscles” and it takes practice. It can ache like when you first go to the gym. Your therapist may give you exercises to help you focus and uncover who you are, which often feels worse before it feels better. Overall, life isn’t always “golden”, but you can get over hurdles by remembering the golden moments of life.

References

Dupee, M., Werthner, P., & Forneris, T. (2015) A Preliminary Study on the Relationship Between Athletes’ Ability to Self-Regulate and World Ranking. Biofeedback: Summer 2015, Vol. 43, No. 2, pp. 57-63.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A1rta_K%C3%A1rolyi

http://www.espn.com/espnw/sports/article/17252340/mental-gymnastics-meet-sports-psychology-coach-keeps-simone-biles-laurie-hernandez-sharp

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/missy-franklin-trying-stay-positive-possible

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/rio-2016/2016/07/20/10-gymnast-nadia-comaneci-olympics-montreal/87357146/

_____________________________

Julie Olson, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Orange County, CA. She has helped many people get over their challenges and find happiness. She can be reached at julieolsonphd@gmail.com.

Fatherhood – Respecting the Responsibility

Being a dad is the most difficult, mind-racking, exhausting, and frustrating responsibility I’ve ever had. Yet at the same time, fatherhood is definitely the most rewarding, exciting, fulfilling, and unselfish act I have experienced.

I Love it!

Fatherhood has changed dramatically over the years. Where dads, generally speaking, in the past were looked at as incapable of handling a day with the children without mom, today this has changed with full or part-time stay-at-home dads, single dads or active co-caregivers.

Navigating fatherhood can have its challenges. Over the years I’ve learned from my mistakes and my successes. Following are two tips which can help in building and maintaining a strong relationship with your child(ren).
First, don’t panic!
Being a Dad is a 24/7 job, and a life long role. The weight of which is a bit unnerving when you think about it, but its ok.
There is no manual for children, whether born to you, adopted or by marriage. All children are different and they need to be reared based on their individual needs and character.

So don’t panic.
You will make mistakes and they may hurt you and your child, but if you parent to the best of your ability, and love, care, protect, and instruct them for their betterment over the child’s life, the mistakes will be outweighed by care given to them.
Secondly, mistakes will happen; it’s how you respond to them.

We often times want our children to apologize to us for their wrongdoings, but we neglect considering apologizing to them. We as parents are not perfect, even if we think so in our minds.

Side bar…It was long overdue, but I apologized to my daughter when she was a teenager for years of misunderstandings. Best thing I ever did as it opened up healing for both of us, and lead to a stronger relationship today.
Finally, try not to leave a lot of time between mistakes and corrections so whatever negative emotions are smothered before they begin to grow.

We all know it can take years before our children fully understand and appreciate what we attempt to do for their well-being, but I believe how we respond to our mistakes will help them realize much sooner.

In conclusion, always remember to respect the responsibility and enjoy the “gifts” we call our children.

Darren W. Carter is founder of Darrenwcarter.com, a site focusing on Faith, Family, Fatherhood and a lot of Fun!

He is also co-organizer of Cleveland Dads Group, a community of dads in Cleveland, Ohio who are active in their children’s lives and founder of All Geared Up – A Family Bike Event, an event that focuses on family time and healthy lifestyles.

He’s an unconventional dad that shares his life’s journey in hopes that his errors as well as triumphs can be gleaned tidbits, which can help his readers in any way possible.

Ten Reasons Why You Should Take Your Self Out on a Date

So why am I writing about this on a health post? Well… It’s more of a mental health thing. Making yourself happy is one of the biggest ways to be happy! Here is one of my many anecdotal experience.

Here I go!

1. It makes you aware of what you like to do.

I’m sitting here in between two movies that I really wanted to watch. Star Trek and Jason Bourne, having a grande soy chi latte and listening to “The best is yet to come” by Frank Sinatra at a Starbucks under the theater. And I love my Frankie, coffee and movies! This sitting at Starbucks alone can be it and I’d be happy. A reminder that I love to just chill with no one sometimes.

2. Your mind starts to think about what you would like to do next!

Like tomorrow morning I’m going to go hiking! I probably won’t write about hiking until later but I know I will have a blast!

3. You learn who you can bring into your life, and who you really don’t want to bring into your life.

Have to be picky people, this is after all your life too.

4. You get to spoil yourself a little or a lot when you take yourself out. ?? That’s how a man/woman/partner/alien is supposed to treat you when you are out. The way you treat yourself. And now I know why i’m single, high maintenance… lol jk (maybe).?

5. People watching! I love people watching. You get to watch people with their peoples and smile.

This makes me more aware of people in general. Who, what, where, when and why…and how. It is a good thing to meet new people. Not everyone will hurt you and reject you or make you wish you had not met them. Most people are kind, they do tend to make you laugh and they do things to allow yourself to be happy.

6. You accept yourself in the here and now moment, that… you are alone with no one and you can do anything you want. Or that you choose to sit at Starbucks to write your next post and have a huge smile on your face because that makes you happy…. Oh wait, that’s me! ??
7. You become a little more self assured/ secure that you can take on life on your own if you had to. But that’s why we have friends and people because you don’t need to really.

8. You gain more understanding of what makes you happy, for me it’s all about the little things.

9. You. This date is all about you. As a strong woman in this world… It’s good to know what you can or cannot do. Same for a man. A lot of dudes should really take themselves out on dates too, I hardly hear or see that, and Gym does not count. That’s something normal you already do. Focusing and enjoying time for yourself is upmost special time. Fav!

10. You get to head to your next movie excited to see one of your favorite franchises. ???? Oh wait, that me again…well I did say this was anecdotal. lol.

Ok. So this is me enjoying my time and giving you some of my me time. Feel special readers! 😀 off to Jason Bourne I go!

Have a great time on your self- dates ya!

Smile (if you want to)

Jes Sofia

Ten ways to #Advocate for your #Parents

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One thing I am noticing is that our bodies become frail as we get older. I mean, that is a given… but you don’t see it until you actually see your parents go through it, and how much you took care of yourself shows as you get older … (this may be partially true).

I’m currently at the point where my parents are going to the doctors more often. They are getting small but significant procedures done and its interesting because they are doing it back to back…meaning, one week my mom, the other week my dad. (Ahhhh :-)!) And I WANT to be there for them, even if by their side in the hospital. Luckily, I have an awesome schedule and my parents schedule their appointments to be the first appointment of the day and I can see clients in the evening, but living a caretaking life is no joke.

I can only imagine what it must be like to be in the shoes of others that cannot accompany their parents to see the doctors. Now that I’m older, I ask… do a lot of parents even get their check ups done?

Luckily to my advantage, our family knows that doctors can actually help. Growing up as a hospital kid, they learned to advocate for me. I guess those tables are turning and its time to advocate/support them. So…Here are…

Ten ways to advocate for your Parents

1. Listen to your parents and to the doctors. They are defining the issues.

A lot of people go to the doctors and don’t use the knowledge the doctors give you – parents tend to do things their way and sometimes forget what the doctor says.

2. Learn to ask for second opinions. Gather information. Sometimes this helps, not only can one doctor miss something, but you gain assurance that its not just your doctor telling you something, its now two or three.

3. Know your rights!

HIPPA (Health InsurancePortability and Accountability Act). Know what the hospital/clinical settings should be doing to protect your parent’s information.

If your parents do not speak English (in the USA), ask for a Translator. Though you may be able to translate, don’t place the burden of having to tell you parents’ things and later feeling emotions due to it. Let a professional do it, its their job, not yours. Also, there may be some medical terminology that sometimes-even professionals can’t comprehend because getting certain news about your parents can be shocking.

4. Have them Ask, Answer and make their own Decisions: Read about the conditions that they have, knowledge is power. They will want to ask you questions. Guide them to ask their doctors…gently/ sometimes sternly depending on how stubborn your parent(s) is/are…lol

Example: “mom/da/grandma, I read that this is what it is (hand them a brochure in their language), but I think you should defiantly ask the doctor as they know a lot more about this subject.”

The reason for this is to empower your parent and help them become advocated for themselves, if not already. This allows them to make an informed decision as oppose to a generalized statement “OK.”

5. Paperwork: Help keep and teach your parent how to keep their paperwork in one binder, so that if they every need anything, its all there. Doctor appointments, past and current medications. Have tabs, Label them, Past and Present. This way if their doctors (new doctors) ask about their history and your parents don’t remember, they have a binder. Also, you can always ask your treating team for a summary of services (HIPPA).

6. Help your parents set a plan for their health. Ask questions. Its better to ask than to assume. When can they fit in exercise? What can they do or not do (mobility wise). When is their next doctor appointment? What are their general health goals?

If they have a chronic illness, how will the team of doctors treat them? These questions you can ask your parents to ask their doctors. And explain to them that its always good to know what they should expect from the doctors, even though most doctors might say, we will take it one step at a time.

This helps…

7. Be patient, assertive but not aggressive.

Because these are your parents, you will want to get mad at the person who is treating them… this will not help the situation, it will only create more anxiety. And the whole point of you being there is to support.

A lot of the time, you will see yourself in their reactions, which is normal because…well…. They raised you and you learned things from them. So try to be patient with them and yourself.

8. Review with your parent. I will warn you, a lot of people who have acute or chronic illness with do one of two things; talk about it like there is no tomorrow, or not talk about it like there is no tomorrow…. Be patient. Be kind and remind yourself that you are there to support not live their life. This is also where things can get dicey. Because your parent may already know and may not want to review, your binder may help. Casually leaving the binder out might help them review their condition, but regardless, always refer them to talk to their doctors. Have a talk about it.

9. Remind them of their follow up appointments.

10. Be you. Its good to know yourself, and your positive attributes. Sometimes it’s also good to know if you are not fit to be your parent’s supporter and you need to step away.

Most of the time it’s hard to see our Heroes being frail. If for some reason your parent(s) ask you to be there for them and you don’t feel ready, have a conversation about it. Tell them why you don’t feel capable to help them. Explain it to them. Because with out an explanation, it usually just feels like a rejection or like you don’t want to be there for them.

11. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!

I know I only said ten, but I added one because its needed.

Well… I wish you luck. And ALWAYS< ALWAYS>ALWAYS contact a doctor for support. Even if you yourself are a doctor. J

If your Parents need Insurance Click Here to find out how you can get then insurance. For Español haga clic aqui.

Smile (if you want),

Jes Sofia Valle, Founder, MA IMFT

Suicide Safe App

Suicide falls with in the top leading causes of Death in the United States. There is so much that happens and so much going on in people’s lives that sometimes one does not know what is going on… most times, people are decided to harm themselves and no one can stop them… but now you can help prevent it, even if you didn’t know how. Today, SAMSHA launched their new Suicide Safe mobile application.

You can learn the five steps for SAFE-T.

See the SAFE-T in action and explore interactive sample case studies.
Locate treatment facility options, filtered by type and distance and share locations and resources.
And quickly access and share crisis lines or other resources with someone in need.
It’s what you need to help and get help.
We defiantly recommend this app!

Suicide Safe Is Now Available for Download!

Today at the National Press Club, SAMHSA Administrator Pamela S. Hyde, J.D., unveiled Suicide Safe, the latest mobile app from SAMHSA.

The app, based on the nationally recognized Suicide Assessment Five-Step Evaluation and Triage (SAFE-T) card, is designed to help primary care and behavioral health providers integrate suicide prevention strategies into their practices and address suicide risk among their patients.

Suicide Safe is now available for free on iOS® and Android™ mobile devices. Be among the first to try this new suicide prevention learning tool—optimized for tablets.

Join SAMHSA for a live demo of the app today at 3:30 p.m. Eastern Time.

Videos of the launch event at the National Press Club and the app demonstration will be available on SAMHSA’s YouTube channel at a later date. Stay tuned for email notification when both recordings become available.

Music and Mood: #MusicMonday

By Jes Sofia Valle, MA MFTI

What a great start to my day! Hearing Feeling Good By Nina Simone. I always find that starting my day with what I like to call a “SUPERSONG” makes my day so much better. I am up beat and overall, I feel better. Isn’t it interesting how one song can make your day?

Mood:

Did you know that there is a thing called Music Psychology? Its where various of people who love music and research do what they love, research music and what are the effects on humans. It has been studied that music of one’s liking has been most effective in increasing positive feelings and decreasing negative feelings. Depending on what you like, calling it designer music. The results of studies on results suggest that designer music may be useful in the treatment of tension, mental distraction, and negative moods (McCraty R, Barrios-Choplin B, Atkinson M, Tomasino D., 1998) .

Health:

In Health, the use of music has also been shown that it helps promote a sense of well-being and to distract from pain and other unpleasant symptoms, thoughts, and feelings, while being convenient and readily available(Kemper, K. J. MD, MPH; Danhauer, S. C. PHD, 2005). Music helps to improve mood and decrease anxiety, as well as decrease the pain associated with surgery, medical procedures, and chronic conditions; it also helps ease the dying process(Kemper, K. J., 2005). Music may help premature babies to gain weight more quickly (Kemper, K. J., 2005). Music may enhance care-giving behavior (Kemper, K. J., 2005).

Culture:

I must remind you that music with in itself has it’s own culture. It derives from our own cultures, weather you listen to Samba, Jazz, Rap, R&B, Pop, Soul, Neo-Soul…. It all come from everywhere. Some artist say it comes from the drum… I say it comes from where you come from, where you bought it, where you connect to it. Also, where you allow it to go. Music can take you places…its up to you where you let it take you.

Today, I let it take me to my happy mood…

What song gets you in a good mood?

References:

Kemper, K. J. MD, MPH; Danhauer, S. C. PHD, (March 2005) Music as Therapy Southern Medical Journal (98) 3 282-288

McCraty R, Barrios-Choplin B, Atkinson M, Tomasino D. (1998) The effects of different types of music on mood, tension, and mental clarity. Altern Ther Health Med. 1998 Jan 4(1) 75-84.

I will leave you with this:

Birds flyin’ high you know how I feel

Sun in the sky you know how I feel

Breeze driftin’ on by you know how I feel

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me

yeah, its a new dawn its a new day its a new life for me ooooooooh

AND I’M FEELING GOOD

Fish in the sea, you know how I feel

River runnin’ free you know how I feel

Blossom on the tree you know how I feel

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me

And I’m feelin good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what i mean dont you know

Butterflies all havin’ fun you know what I mean

Sleepin’ peace when day is done that’s what I mean

And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel

Scent of the crime you know how I feel

Your freedom is mine, and I know how I feel

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me

(Free styling)

OH I’M FEELING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/n/nina+simone/feeling+good_20100629.html

Smile (If you want)

Jes Sofia Valle

Spine Forever

(Possible Health triggers be warned)

How this all began, a reminder:

How did this blog begin?

You know in 2007 I was not able to walk. For 6 months, I was bedridden. I
couldn’t really feel my legs. I was online and I couldn’t find people to talk
to about my spine, so I did research instead. I met with many bloggers, which
after recouping took me to an adventure in life it was filled with so much
stance and resilience which all started from laying around, being bored in bed.

Two doctors had said I had to go through the process for me to be able to
get the treatment I needed…. And I’ve writing my story several times in book
before, it always brings me joy that my hardships have helped so many, it’s
been a blessing instead.

I wrote this for a book once:

"I’m Bionic. I’m Hypermobile. I have Anemia. I have Arthritis. I get
Hypoglycemic, and I get sad sometimes because of the flair up pain. But let me
tell you a little more about me, let me tell you about why I’m not defined by
my sicknesses or pain.

I’m a successful psychotherapist and non-profit entrepreneur. I’ve
learned to make time to live life and enjoy it. I love to travel and have
learned that my life is only a vessel to create things and help people. There
are many reasons why I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through.

Last year, (2018), I almost died because my iron and blood levels dropped dangerously
low. I was getting dizzy and irritable all the time and didn’t know why I had
to fight this battle. But I remembered there are many reasons why I’ve gone
through what I’ve gone through.

Before my near-death experience last year, I was driving on the freeway when
suddenly two cars slammed on their breaks, causing me to swerve to not hit
them, only to lose control of my own car. I spun around the freeway three
times, smacked into a pole, and literally almost took a nosedive off of the
freeway. There are many reasons why I’ve gone to what I’ve gone through.

When I woke up from the shock in the ambulance and realized the EMTs were
going to take me to a different hospital than the one I worked at, I said,
“really? You see my badge… take me there!” referring to my own place of
employment, my own hospital. When my coworkers saw me, they said, “You are
supposed to be helping patients, not be one!” There are many reasons why I’ve
gone through what I’ve gone through.

Before this, at age 24 I started to lose the feelings in my legs, and so I
had my then boyfriend carry me into his car to take me to the hospital. I had
officially lost the ability to move my legs. Soon thereafter, I had officially
lost the ability to walk. There are many reasons why I’ve gone through what
I’ve gone through.

At age 11 I suffered a dislocated hip. As a consequence, I’ve had to
have many surgeries that have made me like a walking, talking cyborg. There are
many reasons why I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through.

And here are the reasons. You can look to my story and my crazy issues and
realize that you can still smile, laugh, and live life like me despite any pain
you or your loved ones are experiencing or will ever experience. You can look
to my story and realize you have the strength to go on too. You can look to my
story and realize you don’t have to take your life or your health for granted.
You can look to my life – all of my battle scars – and realize that life
happens and that negative situations help us learn and level up. And you can
look to my story and learn to trust God if you never had, as he will literally
always have my back and yours. There are many reasons why I’ve gone through
what I’ve gone through and why you’re going through what you’re going through.
These reasons help us to become the amazing, strong, and bionic human beings we
were designed to be."

Years later, I had cancer cells in my tummy, God infusions for treatments,
and beginning breast cancer crazy tumors that they found due to my Spine MRIs
that were taken away. And I still Thank God for my ability to walk every day.

I’ve learned to thrive through this all. I have support. Friends that love
me, and places to be. I am a stickler of rest, recover and restore. I still
have flare ups, but not like before. Ice is still my best friend and I do more
things from home. I love to explore life, and I love to live it well. I’m
always looking for some fun, and I’m always making time for family and friends.
Sometimes my legs get tired, my should grows weary, and my emotions heightened
instead. Nevertheless, my faith in my Body always pushes me instead.

I hope after your read this post you leave all pity to the side and give
thanks for my life instead. For I’m a blessed woman, with lots of life, and
trying to help many others instead.

Make it a thankful day.

Kindly, Jes

Smile (if you want to, Smile instead). 🙂

Online Dating

Love or fuxe!

So I just got back from my friends wedding! They met online and this is officially the 5th couple I’ve had in my life that has gone through the motion of being in love with another human.

so I decided to jump into the pool… apparently the first fish that tried to catch me was a sardine… you know not everyone likes sardines. Especially when they are fishy…

and all I can tell you is make sure that you stay on the app until you feel better, have gotten to know them.. and make sure that you give your place in how you are treated. Thank Goodness I followed my instincts!! Because! People will be people and act like fishies!

but enough about that! Here are some tips for online dating!

Follow your instincts.
Read the safety manual on all sites. Every site will tell you and give you hints in what not to do and how not to get enveloped in a hardship… I mean relationships. 😜
Verify yourself. and talk to people who are also verified.
Ask for what you do allow and set limits on what you don’t allow in your life.
if you like short people then talk to short people. If you like giant people because tbey can make you feel safe…. Then Date gigantor!
and Be yourself. The more you are you, the more you practice on being the real you with everyone.
Have fun and attract people filled with joy! Because you are worth it!
Go to sleep! Maintain your healthy habits! People who really want to talk to you will do so and respect your time.
Don’t wait too long to long to go on a date.
Do not give people money! If they ask- it could be a person trying to steal stuff. It’s like rule number one but I didn’t want to scare you until now… I mean well not at all… just caution you if being too nice to people sad stories.
and last but not least- please post current pictures! Ain’t no one trying to date you from ten years ago! We want to see the black and white hair ya! Show them Chomps! And be happy!

Make it fun to explore,

Enjoy the process!
-Jes

and yes I’m still single ya! Smh 🤦🏽‍♀️ me! Lol

Iron Deficiency Anemia: The Feels of it all

I recently when through infusions for Iron Deficiency Anemia a long and interesting process. I can tell you this… OUCH! and Ahhhh-ayeeee! Where words I used when I was going through the process. So earlier this year I took some time because there were many variables telling me to rest. I had just come back from rest, and yet, I did not feel rested. Working with families and communities can be a lot, and it wasn’t what was keeping me tired, because I felt alive while helping. How can I help others when I kept coughing and feeling low of energy? There was something else, something I felt was not right. Month after month I kept feeling tired and had continued low energy. My atoms, neurons, and connections did not seem to be working, I was not my bubbly, energy fused me. I tried very hard to continue me…but that in itself made me sad because it was no longer normal. I wasn’t able to pass test that I was taking, I felt depleted, distracted and some depressive symptoms fell upon me. I didn’t know what it was, I knew I didn’t suffer from depression, or maybe it was my first episode, I thought. I knew all the symptoms after diagnosing many people after ten years as Marriage and Family Therapist, and I knew how they looked on others. I was dumb founded that I was feeling this low of energy. I wasn’t motivated. I wasn’t doing the same in all areas of my life. So I looked through Depression symptoms: (The pink I felt)

“Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches” (Mayo Clinic, 2017 1)

I sought help. I called my doctor and we could not understand why my asthma had increased, why I was coughing so much, why my head hurt, by body ached and my spine and muscles where flaring up (had two prior spine surgeries). I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. When he took my blood (Red Life Syrup), he was scared for my life. My Red Life syrup was like OMGOSH YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A ZOMBIE! Well…maybe a Vampire!… as I needed life syrup. 0.o The counts…they where low (no pun intended, well maybe), more than Half low in life syrup I was informed, and my Iron numbers where also super low. I had elevated numbers of inflammation and so I was treated for a chest infection, and ear infection with anti-biotic and loads of cranberry juice and green juice where my friend. I joined an amazing support group online to see “What the heck!!!” lol My doctors were amazing and they had me on Iron 325 mg 3xs daily and loads of greens and iron foods. I even opened up to my Facebook friends and I was even cooking on an Iron skillet thanks to my Register dietitian friends advice.

I was like, WOW, really lady?! My doctor who knows me very well personality, positivity and all that comes with my awesome self package was like “this is not you.” For him to tell me he was scared, I got permission to worry. I looked and felt depleted. Dark circles under my eyes, shaking like I was with Chanklas (sandals) and a robe in the snow and my nails where purple, always braking and I felt brittle. I couldn’t sleep and I felt pain. You would think I could sleep long ends, but it was the opposite. I went for days without sleep. I took Netflix and Chill to a whole new level… LOL It was me and Pillow. When I felt energy I ran to Mr. Snow. Where my Chills and shaking looked normal and being Blue was a normal thing. I felt like I was breathing clean air, and breathing hard was normal. I thought it was just pollution messing me up sometimes too. And when I slept, thanks to Norcos due to pain, I woke up feeling drowsy, muggy, like I just got up from being dead. I wasn’t me. I kept feeling buzzed, like I had taken two cups of wine instead of one, even when not on pain meds.

@-@

“Iron deficiency anemia is a common type of anemia — a condition in which blood lacks adequate healthy red blood cells. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the body’s tissues.” (Mayo Clinic, 2017)

“Initially, iron deficiency anemia can be so mild that it goes unnoticed. But as the body becomes more deficient in iron and anemia worsens, the signs and symptoms intensify.

Iron deficiency anemia signs and symptoms may include:

Extreme fatigue
Weakness
Pale skin
Chest pain, fast heartbeat or shortness of breath
Headache, dizziness or lightheadedness
Cold hands and feet
Inflammation or soreness of your tongue
Brittle nails
Unusual cravings for non-nutritive substances, such as ice, dirt or starch
Poor appetite, especially in infants and children with iron deficiency anemia” (Mayo Clinic, 2017)

After months of diagnosing and waiting for my body to heal, medicines that stopped my Life Syrup depletions monthly and loads of abdominal checks, I had a small surgery in hopes that was the cause of why… and after that I still felt low. I had iron infusion therapy, the red pill was not working and eating greens and healthy Iron filled foods where like nothing. So Therapy it was, where I was placed in a large room with others going through similar weakness, and others going through becoming weaker battling cancer and other conditions… I then understood that Anemia was not like any other battle, and when others said “OH ITS JUST MY ANEMIA” I understood that they had found their peace to being ironwomen and ironmen. I understood that it was a battle for your life on an everyday scale and sadness and emotions that came with it where due to the health diagnosis. After all, our thoughts are fused with our body as our brain is held in it. I had diagnosed “due to General Medical Condition” I understood it from an educational level and years of observation… and now, I knew of it as experienced it. It’s both mental and physical staying alive. I never understood why there was such separation. Thank God I am bubbly again. I feel energy and I’m exercising and being once with nature and hike daily walks again. I have my bad and good days like anyone else… but I get through it. I’ll begin to work again and yours and My prayers worked, and God made some amazing doctors to help me through my process.

Get help when you don’t feel like yourself.

Sharing is Caring: My doctors

Smile (if you want),

Jes

Receiving Constructive Criticism in Relationships

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Many of us may know how to deal out constructive criticism in a loving manner, what about when the roles are switched and you are being criticized? No matter how nicely you are told you are doing something wrong or could do better, it is still a blow to the self-esteem and can be difficult to receive. Here are some tips to soften the blow and continue on the path of improvement:

Use active listening: actually listen to what is being said to you. This is without becoming defensive and plotting a response.
Empathize: Try to put yourself in their shoes as you are hearing what you do wrong. Think about how it would make you feel if you were on the receiving end
Re-frame the criticism: Try to take what is being said to you (especially if not constructively doled out) and reframe it to a more positive perspective. This is a way to lessen the blow yourself. Remind yourself that your partner loves you and this is being said because they don’t want to feel resentment.
Check your own feelings before responding: if you are feeling upset, revisit 1-3, take some deep breaths, some time, or even ask for space to absorb what was said.
Provide your feedback: thank them for trusting you enough to share this! It takes trust and faith that one can accept the criticism and is often just as difficult to deliver it to those we love as it is to receive it. Use your ‘I-statements’ and share how you feel in a thoughtful and constructive manner.

Honestly try: Honestly try to give your partner what was just requested. If you find yourself struggling, share this with your partner and try to work together to find a healthy compromise that will work for the both of you.

http://marriagecounselingblog.com/marriage-counseling/responding-to-criticism-lovingly/

http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/0/7_guidelines_for_accepting_constructive_criticism.aspx

http://www.advance.latech.edu/pdf/Learning_To_Take_Constructive_Criticism_In_Stride.pdf