Being…

Authentically you (be warned this is a post you read after coffee).

I usually find it easy to be myself. Until I get sick or trapped in my own self.

Have you ever felt this? Where you are on a roll, and then life happens. Simple allergies that feel like that are overtaking your body like a…(ready a long run-on sentence because my grammar is Bitbantersexy…lol) norovisrus covid PTSD moment coughing frenzy comes and you are now left in bed talking to your friends instead of being with them but you already had plans to go visit some awesome nature park but can’t because your coughing off a storm and its windy and who knows when your body will recover. Yes, this happens to many of us in spring, all because they want to grow, little beautiful flowers. The pollen is in full bloom and then… bam! Achoo! 

And the first question that comes out of people’s mind is, she is sick Have COVID? You would think that a few years after such pandemic, we have been able to reduce that question. However, it’s the first questions that comes to our mind. It makes me wonder how people during the depression felt and how long they take those lessons of life with them throughout life. And how drastic those thoughts are to whom the depression did not affect them (The Psychology of Money, gave me that thought). It’s what takes being…to a whole new level. Mind you, we take being to our own level, we raise our own bars (enter a friend telling me “Get a bar.”). We elevate who we are with, who we are talking to, and who we allow to be in our lives. And we allow them to bring us up too (If we let them). So when it comes to being authentic, and then get sick and feel trapped, we must muster through the fields of whatever our minds are going through and unstrap ourselves by allow a little virus we got from a kid who was probably sick and left the virus germ on a door knob that your opened to go an help someone else as your finish your round up (this I statement I started using recently ‘:-) Round up). 

Being Sick 

It’s funny how our body attack can change our thinking. Weather (storm lol) it be because of how we just feel like MEEEEEHHHH or because we place this idea in our mind that we are trapped and HAVE to stay in bed to recuperate and let this body that has gone through so many wars already go through something like so again. But is it really a war? (Just saying, it’s a cough that made you have bronchio spams… altering your voice so that you have sexy voice…I mean lol). 

But regardless of being any type of sick or having a chronic illness, being you at that moment and time is because of something, or it may even help someone else. 

Being Authentically You

I’ve learned this the hard way, that being you, with whom you are with will allow anything to happen. I met up with an old friend and I warned her I was not my best, yet even sick, I had the most incredible talk about something and everything. She understood me, in different ways because we just understand each other. The right people come to us when we least expect it. I just spoke to someone today, and he provided the sense of love, calm, and peace I needed to get through a bronchio-spasm asthmatic moment comes in and laughter comes in. I mean it gets better when you allow people whom your instincts tell you are worth being in your life. When you can be yourself with someone and they just smile, laugh, or don’t try to change you…and allow you to be…you. These moments are called elevating human energy. And this is something I’m defiantly interested in. 

When you allow people and you come with who you are at that moment. And you allow yourself to be you… so much can happen. Yes, even if you are feeling trapped in your body and feeling sick. Giving positive energy is reciprocated with the people that are meant to be in your life and vice versa. And like with everything, always know your boundaries. You don’t want to get overused either. Everything with good measure. 

I’m out to get some rest and sleep to have more of that energy stuff and help humans get to where they want to get to, Healthy too. Make it a great (enter when you are reading this)! (If you want). -Jes 

Why a Pet?

Most people have a pet. Whether it be a Dog, cat, birth, iguana… you name it. We have them. And they make us happy, frustrated, annoyed, excited… they make us feel. They come with responsibility and remind us to be accountable for ourselves.

At least that’s what I’ve learned with having Max from his 4th day of life. I actually took Max to the doctor early on to the vet because he came from a scary mom that was doing her nature thing in eating her babies for some reason or another. So the neighbor rescued whoever he could, and I could only save one of the two because I wasn’t that kind of doctor! Back to taking him to the doctor, he said he was too little and would not survive the slash on his head and eyelid made by his biological mother. Welp, I used the the skills I learned at UCLA rotations in high school, and did butterfly stitches to close his wounds and did lots of research on how to feed him. I also called brewery farms to find out why he wasn’t pooping, and they told me how to do enemas on one week old puppies. I didn’t sleep for many days because I was up every two hours feeding him. I mean, if anything, i’m glad we were confined to indoors back then during them covid days, year ago (last year). Because Lord knows I was not sleeping, and i begged my mom to take puppy for a few hours while I slept. And as he healed, I took pictures, it was him and I and my family. Everyone loved him. He was a lot of work. And I read all sorts of dog blog post, called vets, asked questions and lord oh lord did i ask questions. I got him Pet insurance, and i went back to work because i had to feed this new pup and get him doggy insurance. I don’t regret working and listen to people while they were horrified of what was going on due to covid. Even though i had my own fears because i’m immune compromised. But i had a new mouth to feed. He was something else. brough lots of joy just being around him. He still does, even though he’s much faster than I am now a days. I cannot run with him because i can’t physically run, but i do go on strolls with him. I’m teaching him how to go the the same treadmills and I walk on (separately of course), and I’m very happy to come home and have someone to feed. He brings lots of joy. I mean, this morning, he was on the side of my bed waiting for me to get up so we can go out for a play outside, and for food (that he chose not to eat) because the chicken wasn’t done for me to add to his meal. (just like a child). But he doesn’t speak, and figuing him out has been awesome. I tell him to show me what he wants and he takes me to where and why. When he’s mad at me, i know because he will go to the bathroom trash can and throw it on the floor in front of the main door. When i’m looking for something and I can’t find it, he usually places it in front of the door when i’m home so i can look for it. so it can be a blessing because he’s mad and will act like a teenager, or a blessing because he found what i’m looking for. He is highly intelligent. I mean what german shepard and husky isn’t? Anywho, this is a little note to remind people that Dog are not just pets, they can be so much more if you let them. Buddy, my last dog who passed away a year ago (after living 24.5 years), got the opportunity to teach him all his training on how to let me know when my sugar was low. Buddy use to bring me a toy bread when i was starting to get low. Now Max brings me a specific snoopy when i’m going low. Go figure. I’m happy Buddy was able to teach him, and Max is always sniffing my inner elbow (what is that called again?) to make sure i’m ok. There is a lot that that comes with taking care of others, especially when a pet takes care of you back. So if you are thinking of a pet, make sure you are ready for one, financially, and emotionally. The more you love them, the more they protect you. Ok, i’m just writing to write because i’ve not written in a very long time, of which you will read of eventually.

So why a PET?

They are an amazing form of unconditional love, that make you grow into a more awesome human because you have to keep it alive and they bring lots of joy to your life. If you are willing to work for one that is…

Have a good week. Make it all the best this week, for you and if you have a pet, for your pet too.

xoxo Jes Sofia V.

https://www.instagram.com/maxvpuppy

How to Trust Again

 

Trust is essential to all healthy relationships. Trust can be difficult to obtain and very quickly broken. As a couple’s counselor I work with couples who want to trust each other. They have so many questions: whether they can trust each other in daily household tasks, whether they can be emotionally vulnerable to each other, whether fidelity is a possibility, etc. Without trust relationships will not flourish to their potential.

Dr. John Gottman, an expert researcher and educator on marriages and families states that “trust is central to what makes human communities work”. Dr. Gottman states that trust is built on what he called “sliding door moments”. These are moments are found every day. For example, you are focused on a particular task i.e. watching a movie and noticed that your partner looks sad. You have two choices: ask what is wrong or watch your movie. To stop and ask what is the matter: that is a moment where you are building trust. It is subtle and quite fleeting but sends the message: “I am paying attention and I am here.”

Graduate student Dan Yoshimoto, who closely works with Dr. Gottman summarized that the basis for trust and therefore rebuilding that trust is found in the acronym ATTUNE. To become attuned means to consciously and intentionally be present. So, I have outline some tips to help you become attuned with in your relationship.

1.Pay attention to your partner’s emotions. If you are unclear ask your partner how they are feeling.

2.Identify how you are feeling. Take ownership of your emotions by using “I statements”.

3.Recognize that there are two points of views: theirs and yours.

4.Never resort to name calling or putdowns.

5.Stay on topic. The present situation does not warrant bringing up unresolved issues.

6.Be empathic to your partner

Trust can be fortified every day and if you are are ATTUNED to one another.

Resources

Gottman, John and Nan Silver. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books, 2015. Print.

Gottman, John. The Science of Trust. New York: W.W Norton & Company,LLC, 2011. Print.

 

BOH Blogger: Yaritza

yaritza

Yaritza Zayas, MS, MFT, LPC
Yaritza Zayas, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor .   She is co-owner  of SHARE Counseling & Therapy Services™, a private practice in Philadelphia, Pa.  Yaritza graduated from Temple University with her B.S. in Human Biology and a minor in Anthropology. She earned her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Holy Family University.

#Entrepreneurial Life Coaching

I remember this time last year, I was stuck in my corporate job hating the very thing that I loved. Have you ever finally made it to your goal destination and it didn’t feel or look like what you had anticipated? I was finally in my career, but somehow the journey didn’t look the way I thought it was supposed to.

I ended up going out on a 6-week stress leave and that’s when I had to rediscover myself and find out what I truly wanted. I questioned the very thing that I felt like I was built for. I had feelings of guilt for changing directions professionally and I felt like I would be betraying my peers if I did something different. I had a serious conversation with God about the direction I was supposed to go in, because things felt as if they were falling apart.

Thing is, I knew that there was a shift coming and that I’d be out of this draining full time job soon. But I surely didn’t expect it to happen the way it did. Let’s just say that after spending months exploring what I really wanted my business to look like, a repossessed car and struggling to pay rent, I was separated from my job!

I was finally free!!! I had let go of my self-imposed obligations that I HAD to be a therapist, and focused on building my coaching business. I’ve learned so much since my launch and my business has evolved several times over the last 9 months. I set out & conquered the daily mindset shenanigans that come with the entrepreneurial journey. I revamped over and over, until I finally implemented a winning strategy.

Your journey is ever-evolving and you must LET GO OF ANY SELF-IMPOSED OBLIGATIONS. One of the major lessons I have learned is to embrace the journey! Because without all of the failures, disappointments and frustrations, I wouldn’t have been able to develop the greatness that I now hold.

I now see how every set back was a set up for greatness!! I now help entrepreneurs conquer emotional & mental challenges that are affecting the productivity & profitability of their business. But had I not overcome those internal challenges, I would have never manifested the external rewards. So today, I encourage you to embrace the journey, because without the journey, the destination is meaningless.

Candace M. Gray M.S. is a Entrepreneurial Coach. With a background in Mental Health and Social Services, she has learned to take her therapeutic skills and apply them to the entrepreneurial world. Candace now helps other entrepreneurs conquer the emotional & mental challenges that are affecting the productivity and profitability of their business. Candace has inspired countless people to live their lives to their fullest potential, obliterating fears and walking in confidence.

Candace helps entrepreneurs through her Your Abundant Life program where she partners with them for 4 weeks or 3 months to overcome the mindset obstacles that are keeping them stuck. She helps them understand that until they process their internal blocks, they will not see the external manifestations they want. Want a taste test of what it’s like to work with C20160603185248299-1andace? Let her help you find your freedom at: bit.do/freecallwithcandace

You can also find Candace at www.rophehealing.com

 

Ten Reasons Why You Should Take Your Self Out on a Date

So why am I writing about this on a health post? Well… It’s more of a mental health thing. Making yourself happy is one of the biggest ways to be happy! Here is one of my many anecdotal experience.

Here I go!

1. It makes you aware of what you like to do.

I’m sitting here in between two movies that I really wanted to watch. Star Trek and Jason Bourne, having a grande soy chi latte and listening to “The best is yet to come” by Frank Sinatra at a Starbucks under the theater. And I love my Frankie, coffee and movies! This sitting at Starbucks alone can be it and I’d be happy. A reminder that I love to just chill with no one sometimes.

2. Your mind starts to think about what you would like to do next!

Like tomorrow morning I’m going to go hiking! I probably won’t write about hiking until later but I know I will have a blast!

3. You learn who you can bring into your life, and who you really don’t want to bring into your life.

Have to be picky people, this is after all your life too.

4. You get to spoil yourself a little or a lot when you take yourself out. ?? That’s how a man/woman/partner/alien is supposed to treat you when you are out. The way you treat yourself. And now I know why i’m single, high maintenance… lol jk (maybe).?

5. People watching! I love people watching. You get to watch people with their peoples and smile.

This makes me more aware of people in general. Who, what, where, when and why…and how. It is a good thing to meet new people. Not everyone will hurt you and reject you or make you wish you had not met them. Most people are kind, they do tend to make you laugh and they do things to allow yourself to be happy.

6. You accept yourself in the here and now moment, that… you are alone with no one and you can do anything you want. Or that you choose to sit at Starbucks to write your next post and have a huge smile on your face because that makes you happy…. Oh wait, that’s me! ??
7. You become a little more self assured/ secure that you can take on life on your own if you had to. But that’s why we have friends and people because you don’t need to really.

8. You gain more understanding of what makes you happy, for me it’s all about the little things.

9. You. This date is all about you. As a strong woman in this world… It’s good to know what you can or cannot do. Same for a man. A lot of dudes should really take themselves out on dates too, I hardly hear or see that, and Gym does not count. That’s something normal you already do.  Focusing and enjoying time for yourself is upmost special time. Fav!

10. You get to head to your next movie excited to see one of your favorite franchises. ???? Oh wait, that me again…well I did say this was anecdotal. lol.

Ok. So this is me enjoying my time and giving you some of my me time. Feel special readers! 😀 off to Jason Bourne I go!

Have a great time on your self- dates ya!

Smile (if you want to)

Jes Sofia

What is beyond being poor?

13244775_1142513485798829_7128016630007376506_nThere is a land not far from where we live; I’d say about 4-5 countries far away (depending if you count side to side)… too far to walk to yet many do so every day, where several communities seek to learn new ways to be sustained. Where women and men are rich in land and are learning to cultivate the dirt with no water, no shovels, and for many no plan. The other part of the land is green fruit filled, where bees are kept, they make honey that helps their communities grow.

I recently traveled to Nicaragua for a long weekend to meet a group of people who are creating positive social change. They are beyond working bees. They are leaders in communities helping advance people lives. Raising communities the way they’ve been taught how.

In this team there are leaders, one traveling and telling people all over the world of his non-profit. His job takes him everywhere and through what he makes he started this act of love his name is Vince. I call his Cosgrove. His partner Victoria, she operates the non-profit that is literally saving people’s lives. This non-profit is called Sweet Progress. They help communities help their people become entrepreneurs so they can stand on their own. There are women, children and men with undiagnosed disabilities, people who don’t have the ability to talk, or walk, and people that have no control of their body and children with resiliency far beyond what poverty is known to create. And just because they have such resiliency should they continue to live in such ways? They are choosing not to and choosing to advance in life.

How you ask? Here is one of many ways:

13241230_1142512055798972_738077219938598669_nI met a woman, she could not speak, she has two children, and she is learning how to make dresses so she can sell her works and feed her children, pay for her children’s schooling needs. A typical story you hear in the “third world scenes.” What you don’t know is that she lives in iron wooden stick hot open shelter home with little to no water. You only get one hour to pour and fill your buckets for every few days. The water wells, ponds and lakes have dried up, there use to be water all around them. Now, there is no walking 5-15 miles to get a gallon of water (it takes me 1 hour alone to walk 3.5-4 miles alone, imagine that). There is no water to cultivate their lands. A few years ago they where finally given the deeds to their lands. These communities created in old cane fields were given to them as payment for their hard work as a company they worked for broke during the Nicaraguan wars. This once was a land of the biggest company that grew sweet cane in Central America they once had sweet lands.

She is but one of many social 13240540_1142512262465618_6163187979074509963_nentrepreneurs I will tell you about in my next few posts. All I can tell you now is to buy their honey, to help them mend their lives and lands.

www.SweetProgress.org

More later: What is beyond being poor

Have a positive and giving day,

Jes

 

Mourning

The death of a loved one is one of life’s most stressful events. It can be the catalyst of major emotional crises to those who mourn. Grief is the internal (emotional) reaction to the death of a loved one whereas mourning is the external (behavioral)  reaction of this grief. Whether the death was expect or unaccepted, a variety of emotions arise.  These include but  are not limited to:

  • Denial
  • Disbelief
  • Confusion
  • Shock
  • Sadness
  • Yearning
  • Anger
  • Humiliation
  • Despair
  • Guilt

Historically, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5 Stages of Loss, where readily used to explain grieving; this is no longer practiced to support mourners. There are no strategic stages to grieving. Grief is a journey marked by easier moments and moments of hardship. One never gets over the death of a loved one. We simply learn to live with the loss and learn healthier ways of coping. In essence, creating a new normal.

The intensity and longevity of grieving emotions and mourning behaviors varies; everyone is different in their journey. However, there are strategies a person can use to take care for themselves through the grieving process.

  1. Seek support.  Whether is in the form of friends or relatives or professional help. Seek to express what you are feeling and going through at this time.
  2. Take care of your health. The stress the body goes through after the death of a loved one can lead to physical complications. Make sure to care for your physical well being; be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
  3. Avoid making major life decisions. Give yourself time to adjust to the death. Another change can further complicate your emotional health and further your stress level.
  4. Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.

Remember, with support, patience and effort, you will survive grief. Some day the pain will lessen, leaving you with cherished memories of your loved one.

Resources:

National Alliance for Grieving Children. 2016. Web. 30 Jan 2016.

Gupta, Sanjay. “How Grief Can Make You Sick.” Everydayhealth. Every Day Health Media, LLC. Web. 28 January 2016.

Richardson, Angelle. Personal interview. 29 January 2016

yaritza

Yaritza Zayas, MS, MFT, LPC
Yaritza Zayas, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor .   She is co-owner  of SHARE Counseling & Therapy Services™, a private practice in Philadelphia, Pa.  Yaritza graduated from Temple University with her B.S. in Human Biology and a minor in Anthropology. She earned her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Holy Family University.

When You Hit Your Low

In life we ALL go through the lows…

Sometimes is just plain luck, or sometimes its the wrong choices.
Regardless of what happened…know that when you’ve hit bottom, all you can do is go up.

Here are some beginner steps to help you through your getting up moments.

1. Phone a friend or relative you know. Someone that had had empathy and compassion towards you for most or all of your life. WHY? because a person who is able to give you empathy and compassion will be able to guide you towards where you can begin to grow and get up. Now warning, not everyone you reach out for will be there for you. AND THAT IS OK. That doesn’t mean they don’t want to, some people just can’t at that moment.

2. Make a plan of where you what you want to do next week. Yes, next week. Not next month, but next week.

3. Go through your records and make sure you are stable. If you are not, make a plan to get stable.

4. Pray. Or meditate. Or do what you do to relax, and give you strength.

5. Call up a friend who will talk to you and understand your dilemma.

6. Take a shower, get ready and go for a brisk walk.

7. Eat food.

8. Take a nap. then get up and do things that will get you physically moving.

9. Have a partner? Have sex! Having sex, making love protected please because you don’t want to bring a kid into this worlds with all your issues.

10. Know and trust that you will be ok.

Hope this gives you some hope. You are not the only one that goes through the lows. EVERYONE goes through the lows. Some don’t show it online, and some people only put happy online. But rest assure that you are not the only one who goes through the lows.

Hope this helped!

 

If you are in crisis and you want to do harm to yourself, please call 911. Or call the National Helpline:

What is SAMHSA’s National Helpline?

SAMHSA’s National Helpline (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service) is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental health and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Callers can also order free publications and other information.

Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit the online treatment locators.

Health Insurance Words… What Do They Mean? #ABCenEspanol (English & Spanish)

Every tried to find out what the health companies and insurance companies are talking about when they say ‘certain’ words? Well, there is a site that gives you a glossary of all the medical terminology these companies are using. WHY? because there are people that actually care about what they are putting out there…

http://accessbettercoverage.org/about-access-better-coverage

Here are some words: Glossary

“Combined deductible

A deductible – total amount a patient must pay out of pocket annually before the health plan begins to pay – that includes both medical care and prescription medicines. This amount does not include premiums. For example, if a deductible is $1,000, the health plan won’t pay anything for most health care until a patient pays $1,000 out of pocket.

Copay

A copay is a fixed amount – or flat fee – a patient is responsible for paying with his or her own money (out of pocket) for certain services or medicines. Plans specify what this amount will be for a variety of health-related services, such as a doctor or specialist visit, emergency room visit or prescription medications. Copays are determined by health insurance plans and are often printed on health insurance cards.

Related video: Health Insurance Coverage 101 – the basics explained

Cost sharing

The amount insurance plans require patients to pay out of their own pocket. For example, copays, coinsurance and deductibles.

 

¿Estás cansado(a) de las compañías de salud y compañías de seguranzas de salud que dicen ciertas palabras pero no te dicen que es lo que te están diciendo? Bueno, hay un sitio que tiene un glosario con todas las palabras que describen las compañías de medicina. ¿Porque? Porque hay compañías que si te quieren ayudar

Aquí mira unas palabras del glosario. http://accessbettercoverage.org/espanol

“Copago

Un copago es un monto fijo – o tarifa fija – que un paciente debe pagar con su propio dinero (fuera de su bolsillo), por ciertos servicios o medicamentos. Los planes especifican cuál será este monto para diversos servicios relacionados a la salud, tales como visitas a un médico o especialista, visita a la sala de emergencias, o medicamentos recetados. Los copagos están establecidos por los planes de seguro de salud y están usualmente escritos en las tarjetas de los seguros de salud.

Coseguro

El coseguro es un porcentaje de los costos que el paciente debe pagar con su propio dinero (fuera de su bolsillo). Los planes especifican cuál será este porcentaje por diversos servicios relacionados con la salud, tales como visitas a un especialista, visita a la sala de emergencias, o medicamentos recetados. Dado que el coseguro es un porcentaje de los costos totales, es difícil estimar y planearlo de antemano.

Costo fuera de su bolsillo

Es un gasto por cuidado médico que un paciente debe pagar con su propio dinero, y no reembolsable por parte del seguro. Los costos fuera de su bolsillo pueden incluir los deducibles, coseguros y copagos por servicios. La Ley de Cuidado de Salud Asequible exige que la mayoría de los planes de salud tenga un máximo anual de costos fuera de bolsillo, para la mayoría de los servicios de cuidado de salud.”

http://accessbettercoverage.org/espanol

This is a paid blog post by the MooreCommunications Group for the AccessbetterHealth.org site.

Preventing #HIV One Conversation at a Time in the Latinosphere!

Conversations about safer sex, STDs and HIV are Important. Are you having the conversations?

“Latinos are the largest and fastest growing ethnic minority in the United States, representing 17% of the total U.S. population.  However, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) they are also one of the groups most heavily impacted by HIV/AIDS. Latinos remain disproportionately affected by HIV/AIDS, accounting for 20% of the 1.1 million people living with HIV in the United States and 21% of new HIV infections each year.

We know that talking about HIV/AIDS is not easy, but we must talk openly about it in order to reduce the impact of HIV in the Latino community. Every conversation we have about HIV/AIDS with our families, partners and friends has the power to help reduce HIV/AIDS among Latinos.

Research indicates that talking openly about HIV can be a simple but powerful way to reduce the stigma against people living with HIV/AIDS, and also reduce HIV-related stigma that often prevents people from getting tested for HIV, seeking treatment options, and/or disclosing their HIV status to potential partners.  Talking about HIV is also a powerful way to help educate family and friends on HIV/AIDS, the importance of testing and treatment, and safer sex behaviors and new prevention options like PrEP, a daily pill that can help prevent people from getting HIV if exposed.

In response to this research and the impact HIV has on the Latino community, in 2014 CDC launched the We Can Stop HIV One Conversation at a Time/Podemos Detener el VIH Una Conversación a la Vez campaign. This national HIV/AIDS awareness campaign issues a powerful call to action for Latinos to talk about HIV/AIDS in effort to increase awareness, decrease HIV-associated stigma and shame associated with HIV/AIDS and emphasize the importance of HIV testing and treatment.”

How can you participate? Let is know how you want to be in the conversation too! Give us your needs so we can create a voice!

 

 

This information is provided by the Campaign: Conversación a la Vez campaign. #spn