Being…

Authentically you (be warned this is a post you read after coffee).

I usually find it easy to be myself. Until I get sick or trapped in my own self.

Have you ever felt this? Where you are on a roll, and then life happens. Simple allergies that feel like that are overtaking your body like a…(ready a long run-on sentence because my grammar is Bitbantersexy…lol) norovisrus covid PTSD moment coughing frenzy comes and you are now left in bed talking to your friends instead of being with them but you already had plans to go visit some awesome nature park but can’t because your coughing off a storm and its windy and who knows when your body will recover. Yes, this happens to many of us in spring, all because they want to grow, little beautiful flowers. The pollen is in full bloom and then… bam! Achoo! 

And the first question that comes out of people’s mind is, she is sick Have COVID? You would think that a few years after such pandemic, we have been able to reduce that question. However, it’s the first questions that comes to our mind. It makes me wonder how people during the depression felt and how long they take those lessons of life with them throughout life. And how drastic those thoughts are to whom the depression did not affect them (The Psychology of Money, gave me that thought). It’s what takes being…to a whole new level. Mind you, we take being to our own level, we raise our own bars (enter a friend telling me “Get a bar.”). We elevate who we are with, who we are talking to, and who we allow to be in our lives. And we allow them to bring us up too (If we let them). So when it comes to being authentic, and then get sick and feel trapped, we must muster through the fields of whatever our minds are going through and unstrap ourselves by allow a little virus we got from a kid who was probably sick and left the virus germ on a door knob that your opened to go an help someone else as your finish your round up (this I statement I started using recently ‘:-) Round up). 

Being Sick 

It’s funny how our body attack can change our thinking. Weather (storm lol) it be because of how we just feel like MEEEEEHHHH or because we place this idea in our mind that we are trapped and HAVE to stay in bed to recuperate and let this body that has gone through so many wars already go through something like so again. But is it really a war? (Just saying, it’s a cough that made you have bronchio spams… altering your voice so that you have sexy voice…I mean lol). 

But regardless of being any type of sick or having a chronic illness, being you at that moment and time is because of something, or it may even help someone else. 

Being Authentically You

I’ve learned this the hard way, that being you, with whom you are with will allow anything to happen. I met up with an old friend and I warned her I was not my best, yet even sick, I had the most incredible talk about something and everything. She understood me, in different ways because we just understand each other. The right people come to us when we least expect it. I just spoke to someone today, and he provided the sense of love, calm, and peace I needed to get through a bronchio-spasm asthmatic moment comes in and laughter comes in. I mean it gets better when you allow people whom your instincts tell you are worth being in your life. When you can be yourself with someone and they just smile, laugh, or don’t try to change you…and allow you to be…you. These moments are called elevating human energy. And this is something I’m defiantly interested in. 

When you allow people and you come with who you are at that moment. And you allow yourself to be you… so much can happen. Yes, even if you are feeling trapped in your body and feeling sick. Giving positive energy is reciprocated with the people that are meant to be in your life and vice versa. And like with everything, always know your boundaries. You don’t want to get overused either. Everything with good measure. 

I’m out to get some rest and sleep to have more of that energy stuff and help humans get to where they want to get to, Healthy too. Make it a great (enter when you are reading this)! (If you want). -Jes 

Why a Pet?

Most people have a pet. Whether it be a Dog, cat, birth, iguana… you name it. We have them. And they make us happy, frustrated, annoyed, excited… they make us feel. They come with responsibility and remind us to be accountable for ourselves.

At least that’s what I’ve learned with having Max from his 4th day of life. I actually took Max to the doctor early on to the vet because he came from a scary mom that was doing her nature thing in eating her babies for some reason or another. So the neighbor rescued whoever he could, and I could only save one of the two because I wasn’t that kind of doctor! Back to taking him to the doctor, he said he was too little and would not survive the slash on his head and eyelid made by his biological mother. Welp, I used the the skills I learned at UCLA rotations in high school, and did butterfly stitches to close his wounds and did lots of research on how to feed him. I also called brewery farms to find out why he wasn’t pooping, and they told me how to do enemas on one week old puppies. I didn’t sleep for many days because I was up every two hours feeding him. I mean, if anything, i’m glad we were confined to indoors back then during them covid days, year ago (last year). Because Lord knows I was not sleeping, and i begged my mom to take puppy for a few hours while I slept. And as he healed, I took pictures, it was him and I and my family. Everyone loved him. He was a lot of work. And I read all sorts of dog blog post, called vets, asked questions and lord oh lord did i ask questions. I got him Pet insurance, and i went back to work because i had to feed this new pup and get him doggy insurance. I don’t regret working and listen to people while they were horrified of what was going on due to covid. Even though i had my own fears because i’m immune compromised. But i had a new mouth to feed. He was something else. brough lots of joy just being around him. He still does, even though he’s much faster than I am now a days. I cannot run with him because i can’t physically run, but i do go on strolls with him. I’m teaching him how to go the the same treadmills and I walk on (separately of course), and I’m very happy to come home and have someone to feed. He brings lots of joy. I mean, this morning, he was on the side of my bed waiting for me to get up so we can go out for a play outside, and for food (that he chose not to eat) because the chicken wasn’t done for me to add to his meal. (just like a child). But he doesn’t speak, and figuing him out has been awesome. I tell him to show me what he wants and he takes me to where and why. When he’s mad at me, i know because he will go to the bathroom trash can and throw it on the floor in front of the main door. When i’m looking for something and I can’t find it, he usually places it in front of the door when i’m home so i can look for it. so it can be a blessing because he’s mad and will act like a teenager, or a blessing because he found what i’m looking for. He is highly intelligent. I mean what german shepard and husky isn’t? Anywho, this is a little note to remind people that Dog are not just pets, they can be so much more if you let them. Buddy, my last dog who passed away a year ago (after living 24.5 years), got the opportunity to teach him all his training on how to let me know when my sugar was low. Buddy use to bring me a toy bread when i was starting to get low. Now Max brings me a specific snoopy when i’m going low. Go figure. I’m happy Buddy was able to teach him, and Max is always sniffing my inner elbow (what is that called again?) to make sure i’m ok. There is a lot that that comes with taking care of others, especially when a pet takes care of you back. So if you are thinking of a pet, make sure you are ready for one, financially, and emotionally. The more you love them, the more they protect you. Ok, i’m just writing to write because i’ve not written in a very long time, of which you will read of eventually.

So why a PET?

They are an amazing form of unconditional love, that make you grow into a more awesome human because you have to keep it alive and they bring lots of joy to your life. If you are willing to work for one that is…

Have a good week. Make it all the best this week, for you and if you have a pet, for your pet too.

xoxo Jes Sofia V.

https://www.instagram.com/maxvpuppy

Iron Deficiency Anemia: The Feels of it all

I recently when through infusions for Iron Deficiency Anemia a long and interesting process.  I can tell you this… OUCH! and Ahhhh-ayeeee! Where words I used when I was going through the process. So earlier this year I took some time because there were many variables telling me to rest. I had just come back from rest, and yet, I did not feel rested. Working with families and communities can be a lot, and it wasn’t what was keeping me tired, because I felt alive while helping. How can I help others when I kept coughing and feeling low of energy? There was something else, something I felt was not right. Month after month I kept feeling tired and had continued low energy. My atoms, neurons, and connections did not seem to be working, I was not my bubbly, energy fused me. I tried very hard to continue me…but that in itself made me sad because it was no longer normal. I wasn’t able to pass test that I was taking, I felt depleted, distracted and some depressive symptoms fell upon me. I didn’t know what it was, I knew I didn’t suffer from depression, or maybe it was my first episode, I thought. I knew all the symptoms after diagnosing many people after ten years as Marriage and Family Therapist, and I knew how they looked on others. I was dumb founded that I was feeling this low of energy. I wasn’t motivated. I wasn’t doing the same in all areas of my life. So I looked through Depression symptoms: (The pink I felt)

  • “Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
  • Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
  • Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
  • Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
  • Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
  • Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
  • Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
  • Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
  • Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
  • Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches” (Mayo Clinic, 2017 1)

I sought help. I called my doctor and we could not understand why my asthma had increased, why I was coughing so much, why my head hurt, by body ached and my spine and muscles where flaring up (had two prior spine surgeries). I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what.  When he took my blood (Red Life Syrup), he was scared for my life. My Red Life syrup was like OMGOSH YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A ZOMBIE! Well…maybe a Vampire!… as I needed life syrup. 0.o The counts…they where low (no pun intended, well maybe), more than Half low in life syrup I was informed, and my Iron numbers where also super low. I had elevated numbers of inflammation and so I was treated for a chest infection, and ear infection with anti-biotic and loads of cranberry juice and green juice where my friend. I joined an amazing support group online to see “What the heck!!!” lol My doctors were amazing and they had me on Iron 325 mg 3xs daily and loads of greens and iron foods. I even opened up to my Facebook friends and I was even cooking on an Iron skillet thanks to my Register dietitian friends advice.

I was like, WOW, really lady?! My doctor who knows me very well personality, positivity and all that comes with my awesome self package was like “this is not you.” For him to tell me he was scared, I got permission to worry. I looked and felt depleted. Dark circles under my eyes, shaking like I was with Chanklas (sandals) and a robe in the snow and my nails where purple, always braking and I felt brittle. I couldn’t sleep and I felt pain. You would think I could sleep long ends, but it was the opposite. I went for days without sleep. I took Netflix and Chill to a whole new level… LOL It was me and Pillow. When I felt energy I ran to Mr. Snow. Where my Chills and shaking looked normal and being Blue was a normal thing. I felt like I was breathing clean air, and breathing hard was normal. I thought it was just pollution messing me up sometimes too. And when I slept, thanks to Norcos due to pain, I woke up feeling drowsy, muggy, like I just got up from being dead. I wasn’t me. I kept feeling buzzed, like I had taken two cups of wine instead of one, even when not on pain meds.

@-@

“Iron deficiency anemia is a common type of anemia — a condition in which blood lacks adequate healthy red blood cells. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the body’s tissues.” (Mayo Clinic, 2017)

“Initially, iron deficiency anemia can be so mild that it goes unnoticed. But as the body becomes more deficient in iron and anemia worsens, the signs and symptoms intensify.

Iron deficiency anemia signs and symptoms may include:

  • Extreme fatigue
  • Weakness
  • Pale skin
  • Chest pain, fast heartbeat or shortness of breath
  • Headache, dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Cold hands and feet
  • Inflammation or soreness of your tongue
  • Brittle nails
  • Unusual cravings for non-nutritive substances, such as ice, dirt or starch
  • Poor appetite, especially in infants and children with iron deficiency anemia” (Mayo Clinic, 2017)

After months of diagnosing and waiting for my body to heal, medicines that stopped my Life Syrup depletions monthly and loads of abdominal checks, I had a small surgery in hopes that was the cause of why… and after that I still felt low. I had iron infusion therapy, the red pill was not working and eating greens and healthy Iron filled foods where like nothing. So Therapy it was, where I was placed in a large room with others going through similar weakness, and others going through becoming weaker battling cancer and other conditions… I then understood that Anemia was not like any other battle, and when others said “OH ITS JUST MY ANEMIA” I understood that they had found their peace to being ironwomen and ironmen.  I understood that it was a battle for your life on an everyday scale and sadness and emotions that came with it where due to the health diagnosis. After all, our thoughts are fused with our body as our brain is held in it. I had diagnosed “due to General Medical Condition” I understood it from an educational level and years of observation… and now, I knew of it as experienced it. It’s both mental and physical staying alive. I never understood why there was such separation. Thank God I am bubbly again. I feel energy and I’m exercising and being once with nature and hike daily walks again. I have my bad and good days like anyone else… but I get through it. I’ll begin to work again and yours and My prayers worked, and God made some amazing doctors to help me through my process.

Get help when you don’t feel like yourself.

Sharing is Caring: My doctors

Smile (if you want),

Jes

Receiving Constructive Criticism in Relationships

Many of us may know how to deal out constructive criticism in a loving manner, what about when the roles are switched and you are being criticized? No matter how nicely you are told you are doing something wrong or could do better, it is still a blow to the self-esteem and can be difficult to receive. Here are some tips to soften the blow and continue on the path of improvement:

 

  1. Use active listening: actually listen to what is being said to you. This is without becoming defensive and plotting a response.
  2. Empathize: Try to put yourself in their shoes as you are hearing what you do wrong. Think about how it would make you feel if you were on the receiving end
  3. Re-frame the criticism: Try to take what is being said to you (especially if not constructively doled out) and reframe it to a more positive perspective. This is a way to lessen the blow yourself. Remind yourself that your partner loves you and this is being said because they don’t want to feel resentment.
  4. Check your own feelings before responding: if you are feeling upset, revisit 1-3, take some deep breaths, some time, or even ask for space to absorb what was said.
  5. Provide your feedback: thank them for trusting you enough to share this! It takes trust and faith that one can accept the criticism and is often just as difficult to deliver it to those we love as it is to receive it. Use your ‘I-statements’ and share how you feel in a thoughtful and constructive manner.

Honestly try: Honestly try to give your partner what was just requested. If you find yourself struggling, share this with your partner and try to work together to find a healthy compromise that will work for the both of you.

http://marriagecounselingblog.com/marriage-counseling/responding-to-criticism-lovingly/

http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/0/7_guidelines_for_accepting_constructive_criticism.aspx

http://www.advance.latech.edu/pdf/Learning_To_Take_Constructive_Criticism_In_Stride.pdf

How to Trust Again

 

Trust is essential to all healthy relationships. Trust can be difficult to obtain and very quickly broken. As a couple’s counselor I work with couples who want to trust each other. They have so many questions: whether they can trust each other in daily household tasks, whether they can be emotionally vulnerable to each other, whether fidelity is a possibility, etc. Without trust relationships will not flourish to their potential.

Dr. John Gottman, an expert researcher and educator on marriages and families states that “trust is central to what makes human communities work”. Dr. Gottman states that trust is built on what he called “sliding door moments”. These are moments are found every day. For example, you are focused on a particular task i.e. watching a movie and noticed that your partner looks sad. You have two choices: ask what is wrong or watch your movie. To stop and ask what is the matter: that is a moment where you are building trust. It is subtle and quite fleeting but sends the message: “I am paying attention and I am here.”

Graduate student Dan Yoshimoto, who closely works with Dr. Gottman summarized that the basis for trust and therefore rebuilding that trust is found in the acronym ATTUNE. To become attuned means to consciously and intentionally be present. So, I have outline some tips to help you become attuned with in your relationship.

1.Pay attention to your partner’s emotions. If you are unclear ask your partner how they are feeling.

2.Identify how you are feeling. Take ownership of your emotions by using “I statements”.

3.Recognize that there are two points of views: theirs and yours.

4.Never resort to name calling or putdowns.

5.Stay on topic. The present situation does not warrant bringing up unresolved issues.

6.Be empathic to your partner

Trust can be fortified every day and if you are are ATTUNED to one another.

Resources

Gottman, John and Nan Silver. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books, 2015. Print.

Gottman, John. The Science of Trust. New York: W.W Norton & Company,LLC, 2011. Print.

 

BOH Blogger: Yaritza

yaritza

Yaritza Zayas, MS, MFT, LPC
Yaritza Zayas, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor .   She is co-owner  of SHARE Counseling & Therapy Services™, a private practice in Philadelphia, Pa.  Yaritza graduated from Temple University with her B.S. in Human Biology and a minor in Anthropology. She earned her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Holy Family University.

#Entrepreneurial Life Coaching

I remember this time last year, I was stuck in my corporate job hating the very thing that I loved. Have you ever finally made it to your goal destination and it didn’t feel or look like what you had anticipated? I was finally in my career, but somehow the journey didn’t look the way I thought it was supposed to.

I ended up going out on a 6-week stress leave and that’s when I had to rediscover myself and find out what I truly wanted. I questioned the very thing that I felt like I was built for. I had feelings of guilt for changing directions professionally and I felt like I would be betraying my peers if I did something different. I had a serious conversation with God about the direction I was supposed to go in, because things felt as if they were falling apart.

Thing is, I knew that there was a shift coming and that I’d be out of this draining full time job soon. But I surely didn’t expect it to happen the way it did. Let’s just say that after spending months exploring what I really wanted my business to look like, a repossessed car and struggling to pay rent, I was separated from my job!

I was finally free!!! I had let go of my self-imposed obligations that I HAD to be a therapist, and focused on building my coaching business. I’ve learned so much since my launch and my business has evolved several times over the last 9 months. I set out & conquered the daily mindset shenanigans that come with the entrepreneurial journey. I revamped over and over, until I finally implemented a winning strategy.

Your journey is ever-evolving and you must LET GO OF ANY SELF-IMPOSED OBLIGATIONS. One of the major lessons I have learned is to embrace the journey! Because without all of the failures, disappointments and frustrations, I wouldn’t have been able to develop the greatness that I now hold.

I now see how every set back was a set up for greatness!! I now help entrepreneurs conquer emotional & mental challenges that are affecting the productivity & profitability of their business. But had I not overcome those internal challenges, I would have never manifested the external rewards. So today, I encourage you to embrace the journey, because without the journey, the destination is meaningless.

Candace M. Gray M.S. is a Entrepreneurial Coach. With a background in Mental Health and Social Services, she has learned to take her therapeutic skills and apply them to the entrepreneurial world. Candace now helps other entrepreneurs conquer the emotional & mental challenges that are affecting the productivity and profitability of their business. Candace has inspired countless people to live their lives to their fullest potential, obliterating fears and walking in confidence.

Candace helps entrepreneurs through her Your Abundant Life program where she partners with them for 4 weeks or 3 months to overcome the mindset obstacles that are keeping them stuck. She helps them understand that until they process their internal blocks, they will not see the external manifestations they want. Want a taste test of what it’s like to work with C20160603185248299-1andace? Let her help you find your freedom at: bit.do/freecallwithcandace

You can also find Candace at www.rophehealing.com

 

How Athletes Psych-up for the Games

by Julie Olson, PhD

Growing up in Southern California, I have watched over 12 Olympic Games and I’ve seen terrorism, political upheaval, defections, and amazing spirit. One thing I noticed in the behavior of the athletes is that the difference between earning a medal and not getting past the semi-final qualifications is attitude. At least “attitude” is what I called it before I went to grad school in Psychology. Now, I know it as “self-regulation”, or in lay-man’s terms, the ability to “deal.”

From the beginning of these 2016 Games in Rio, I watched the athletes deal with the highs and lows of the competition. As a psychologist, I think I enjoy the back stories more than the average person watching the games. The “up close and personal” pursuit of being the best and overcoming adversity is my passion in life. For the athletes, passion and dedication to the sport is a must, but it is most important to have the perfect trifecta of mind-body-spirit. When it comes to finally competing in the actual event, an athlete’s ability to regulate their fears, hopes, enthusiasm, confidence, and pain is the gold standard of winning.

Balance is a large part of the mind-body-spirit combination. An athlete needs to balance their breath and their heart beat even if they are scared to death. It would be so easy to stumble or over-arch when we don’t feel centered in our bodies.

My first example is of Katie Ledecky winning in the pool. 5 Medals. She was so excited at one point, she said it was the closest she felt to feeling like she would throw up while swimming. But, she didn’t. She won.

Michael Phelps needed to get into recovery before he could be such a great swimmer and win so many gold medals. He needed to, as they say, “check his ego at the door” and be a team mate. Learn to work well with others and be in his own zone, and not get distracted by his competitors.

Any time an Olympian shatters a world record by such a large margin, questions are inevitably raised. Hungary’s Katinka Hosszu swam the 400-meter individual medley with a world record by more than two seconds. Katinka has been drug tested 9 times in 2016 – most recently on June 21. “Confidence” was the drug that got her to win! Her coach/husband motivated her to be her best.

Take Simone Biles, her ability to balance her body and stick those landings is incredible. Said to be the best gymnast ever by Nadia Comaneci, Nadia herself was the athlete with the first perfect 10 in 1976. She says to USA TODAY, “I did what I used to do every day in the gym. It’s not like overnight I’d done something to surprise myself.” Bela and Marta were her coaches back then in Romania and they were the coaches of the US Women’s Gymnastics teams, helping them win decades of gold.

Márta and Bela Károlyi are Hungarian-Romanian gymnastics coaches and the national team coordinators for Team USA. After defecting to the US in 1981, they coached 9 world champions, sixteen European medalists and many U.S. national champions, including Mary Lou Retton and Kerri Strug. Marta focused on motivation and Bela focused on form.

Simone flies high with grace and takes to the ground like she has glue on her feet. Such precision, poise, and balance. She waivered on the balance beam itself, giving her a silver medal, but all others were gold. Did you know she also has a “mental strength coach”? You’ve probably seen Simone before her performances, placing her right hand on her stomach, closing her eyes, and taking a deep breath. In an interview with ESPN, her mental strength coach, Robert Andrews, said that relaxation techniques are exercises they’d been practicing in his office and he was pleased to see her using them to center herself before her events.

I can hardly think of other sports events where there is so much pressure. But, again, it is a very personal experience. Each sport has its challenges. Few have so many close “ties” by the hundredth of a second. Each athlete has their own story of redemption.

Mo Farah wins the 1000m, even after falling. How did he do it? Great attitude, planning out his strategy, kicking back until it was time to sprint to the front, and taking it. Usain Bolt is the “fastest man alive”, winning gold for 3 games in a row. He does it by using the energy of the crowd.

Many athletes pray before an event and give the glory to God. Their spirit is also calming and motivating. It seems to help a team when they pray together before they play together and against each other.

Visualizing your success is an extremely powerful way to get to the podium. Many of the athletes as children have written stories and drawn pictures of themselves winning in their sports of choice. They use those images, delaying gratification for years with discipline. Eventually grown up, being in the moment they visualized, revving themselves up while calming themselves down with positive affirmations.

There is a time and a place where the “agony of defeat” is expressed in a healthy way. Missy Franklin won gold in swimming in 2012 and this year she couldn’t keep up. She said she tried to stay as positive as possible. Her teammates say they love her spirit. She didn’t want to show her disappointment and bring her team down, so as she said, “she cried about it when she was alone” and to her mom.

It was extremely heart-breaking to watch the French runner Wilhem Belocian, after a split-second mistake took him away from his Olympic goals. After years of training, Belocian had only qualified for the 110m hurdles. Unfortunately, he was unable to contain himself and it caused him to bolt out of the starting blocks just a little too early. Electronically alarmed, the buzzer rang out and his hopes of a medal in Rio were over. You can jump the gun one time now and you are out. No “do-overs.” I felt for him. First in denial or shock, he held his head and then he became very angry, tearing off his official number and turning over hurdles. Eventually crying inconsolably, he gave in to the reality of his dashed dreams. You can’t blame him. Imagine all of the time, energy, and money leading up to the games. It is hoped he has a strong supportive network at home. He needs to be reminded that this same thing happened to Usain Bolt in 2011.

One thing that has always bothered me is how the quest for gold is so intense that getting a Silver or Bronze is “not good enough.” Getting qualified for the games and being an Olympian is great and every athlete could enjoy it to the fullest. But to win, you must have goals and there is nothing wrong with a goal of a gold medal.

There are so many examples of athletes using psychological self-regulation skills that I would be writing a 100 page dissertation.

And it has been scientifically proven. Studies at the University of Calgary, Canada, 2015, have found a correlation between self-regulation and world ranking. Athletes who are better at regulating their body’s response to stress–respiration rate, heart rate, and the activation of their muscles–are likely to perform better than those who struggle. Many elite athletes use biofeedback as part of their training. Then, they learn how to use their thoughts to control their physiological responses.

Self-regulation skills are a must in the games, and also a must in life. The competition of life is not as brutal most of the time, and sometimes the stakes are higher.

Learning self-regulation skills takes a good coach, a good trainer, a good therapist. In therapy, we call this flexing your “mental muscles” and it takes practice. It can ache like when you first go to the gym. Your therapist may give you exercises to help you focus and uncover who you are, which often feels worse before it feels better. Overall, life isn’t always “golden”, but you can get over hurdles by remembering the golden moments of life.

References

Dupee, M., Werthner, P., & Forneris, T. (2015) A Preliminary Study on the Relationship Between Athletes’ Ability to Self-Regulate and World Ranking. Biofeedback: Summer 2015, Vol. 43, No. 2, pp. 57-63.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A1rta_K%C3%A1rolyi

http://www.espn.com/espnw/sports/article/17252340/mental-gymnastics-meet-sports-psychology-coach-keeps-simone-biles-laurie-hernandez-sharp

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/missy-franklin-trying-stay-positive-possible

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/rio-2016/2016/07/20/10-gymnast-nadia-comaneci-olympics-montreal/87357146/

_____________________________

Julie Olson PhD at oc relationship center

Julie Olson, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Orange County, CA.  She has helped many people get over their challenges and find happiness. She can be reached at julieolsonphd@gmail.com.

Ten Reasons Why You Should Take Your Self Out on a Date

So why am I writing about this on a health post? Well… It’s more of a mental health thing. Making yourself happy is one of the biggest ways to be happy! Here is one of my many anecdotal experience.

Here I go!

1. It makes you aware of what you like to do.

I’m sitting here in between two movies that I really wanted to watch. Star Trek and Jason Bourne, having a grande soy chi latte and listening to “The best is yet to come” by Frank Sinatra at a Starbucks under the theater. And I love my Frankie, coffee and movies! This sitting at Starbucks alone can be it and I’d be happy. A reminder that I love to just chill with no one sometimes.

2. Your mind starts to think about what you would like to do next!

Like tomorrow morning I’m going to go hiking! I probably won’t write about hiking until later but I know I will have a blast!

3. You learn who you can bring into your life, and who you really don’t want to bring into your life.

Have to be picky people, this is after all your life too.

4. You get to spoil yourself a little or a lot when you take yourself out. ?? That’s how a man/woman/partner/alien is supposed to treat you when you are out. The way you treat yourself. And now I know why i’m single, high maintenance… lol jk (maybe).?

5. People watching! I love people watching. You get to watch people with their peoples and smile.

This makes me more aware of people in general. Who, what, where, when and why…and how. It is a good thing to meet new people. Not everyone will hurt you and reject you or make you wish you had not met them. Most people are kind, they do tend to make you laugh and they do things to allow yourself to be happy.

6. You accept yourself in the here and now moment, that… you are alone with no one and you can do anything you want. Or that you choose to sit at Starbucks to write your next post and have a huge smile on your face because that makes you happy…. Oh wait, that’s me! ??
7. You become a little more self assured/ secure that you can take on life on your own if you had to. But that’s why we have friends and people because you don’t need to really.

8. You gain more understanding of what makes you happy, for me it’s all about the little things.

9. You. This date is all about you. As a strong woman in this world… It’s good to know what you can or cannot do. Same for a man. A lot of dudes should really take themselves out on dates too, I hardly hear or see that, and Gym does not count. That’s something normal you already do.  Focusing and enjoying time for yourself is upmost special time. Fav!

10. You get to head to your next movie excited to see one of your favorite franchises. ???? Oh wait, that me again…well I did say this was anecdotal. lol.

Ok. So this is me enjoying my time and giving you some of my me time. Feel special readers! 😀 off to Jason Bourne I go!

Have a great time on your self- dates ya!

Smile (if you want to)

Jes Sofia

What is beyond being poor?

13244775_1142513485798829_7128016630007376506_nThere is a land not far from where we live; I’d say about 4-5 countries far away (depending if you count side to side)… too far to walk to yet many do so every day, where several communities seek to learn new ways to be sustained. Where women and men are rich in land and are learning to cultivate the dirt with no water, no shovels, and for many no plan. The other part of the land is green fruit filled, where bees are kept, they make honey that helps their communities grow.

I recently traveled to Nicaragua for a long weekend to meet a group of people who are creating positive social change. They are beyond working bees. They are leaders in communities helping advance people lives. Raising communities the way they’ve been taught how.

In this team there are leaders, one traveling and telling people all over the world of his non-profit. His job takes him everywhere and through what he makes he started this act of love his name is Vince. I call his Cosgrove. His partner Victoria, she operates the non-profit that is literally saving people’s lives. This non-profit is called Sweet Progress. They help communities help their people become entrepreneurs so they can stand on their own. There are women, children and men with undiagnosed disabilities, people who don’t have the ability to talk, or walk, and people that have no control of their body and children with resiliency far beyond what poverty is known to create. And just because they have such resiliency should they continue to live in such ways? They are choosing not to and choosing to advance in life.

How you ask? Here is one of many ways:

13241230_1142512055798972_738077219938598669_nI met a woman, she could not speak, she has two children, and she is learning how to make dresses so she can sell her works and feed her children, pay for her children’s schooling needs. A typical story you hear in the “third world scenes.” What you don’t know is that she lives in iron wooden stick hot open shelter home with little to no water. You only get one hour to pour and fill your buckets for every few days. The water wells, ponds and lakes have dried up, there use to be water all around them. Now, there is no walking 5-15 miles to get a gallon of water (it takes me 1 hour alone to walk 3.5-4 miles alone, imagine that). There is no water to cultivate their lands. A few years ago they where finally given the deeds to their lands. These communities created in old cane fields were given to them as payment for their hard work as a company they worked for broke during the Nicaraguan wars. This once was a land of the biggest company that grew sweet cane in Central America they once had sweet lands.

She is but one of many social 13240540_1142512262465618_6163187979074509963_nentrepreneurs I will tell you about in my next few posts. All I can tell you now is to buy their honey, to help them mend their lives and lands.

www.SweetProgress.org

More later: What is beyond being poor

Have a positive and giving day,

Jes

 

Ten ways to #Advocate for your #Parents

One thing I am noticing is that our bodies become frail as we get older. I mean, that is a given… but you don’t see it until you actually see your parents go through it, and how much you took care of yourself shows as you get older … (this may be partially true).
I’m currently at the point where my parents are going to the doctors more often. They are getting small but significant procedures done and its interesting because they are doing it back to back…meaning, one week my mom, the other week my dad. (Ahhhh :-)!) And I WANT to be there for them, even if by their side in the hospital. Luckily, I have an awesome schedule and my parents schedule their appointments to be the first appointment of the day and I can see clients in the evening, but living a caretaking life is no joke.
I can only imagine what it must be like to be in the shoes of others that cannot accompany their parents to see the doctors. Now that I’m older, I ask… do a lot of parents even get their check ups done?
Luckily to my advantage, our family knows that doctors can actually help. Growing up as a hospital kid, they learned to advocate for me. I guess those tables are turning and its time to advocate/support them. So…Here are…

Ten ways to advocate for your Parents

1. Listen to your parents and to the doctors. They are defining the issues.
A lot of people go to the doctors and don’t use the knowledge the doctors give you – parents tend to do things their way and sometimes forget what the doctor says.
2. Learn to ask for second opinions. Gather information. Sometimes this helps, not only can one doctor miss something, but you gain assurance that its not just your doctor telling you something, its now two or three.
3. Know your rights!
HIPPA (Health InsurancePortability and Accountability Act). Know what the hospital/clinical settings should be doing to protect your parent’s information.
If your parents do not speak English (in the USA), ask for a Translator. Though you may be able to translate, don’t place the burden of having to tell you parents’ things and later feeling emotions due to it. Let a professional do it, its their job, not yours. Also, there may be some medical terminology that sometimes-even professionals can’t comprehend because getting certain news about your parents can be shocking.
4. Have them Ask, Answer and make their own Decisions: Read about the conditions that they have, knowledge is power. They will want to ask you questions. Guide them to ask their doctors…gently/ sometimes sternly depending on how stubborn your parent(s) is/are…lol
Example: “mom/da/grandma, I read that this is what it is (hand them a brochure in their language), but I think you should defiantly ask the doctor as they know a lot more about this subject.”
The reason for this is to empower your parent and help them become advocated for themselves, if not already. This allows them to make an informed decision as oppose to a generalized statement “OK.”
5. Paperwork: Help keep and teach your parent how to keep their paperwork in one binder, so that if they every need anything, its all there. Doctor appointments, past and current medications. Have tabs, Label them, Past and Present. This way if their doctors (new doctors) ask about their history and your parents don’t remember, they have a binder.  Also, you can always ask your treating team for a summary of services (HIPPA).
6. Help your parents set a plan for their health. Ask questions. Its better to ask than to assume. When can they fit in exercise? What can they do or not do (mobility wise). When is their next doctor appointment? What are their general health goals?
If they have a chronic illness, how will the team of doctors treat them? These questions you can ask your parents to ask their doctors. And explain to them that its always good to know what they should expect from the doctors, even though most doctors might say, we will take it one step at a time.
This helps…
7. Be patient, assertive but not aggressive.
Because these are your parents, you will want to get mad at the person who is treating them… this will not help the situation, it will only create more anxiety.  And the whole point of you being there is to support.
A lot of the time, you will see yourself in their reactions, which is normal because…well…. They raised you and you learned things from them. So try to be patient with them and yourself.
8. Review with your parent.  I will warn you, a lot of people who have acute or chronic illness with do one of two things; talk about it like there is no tomorrow, or not talk about it like there is no tomorrow…. Be patient. Be kind and remind yourself that you are there to support not live their life.  This is also where things can get dicey. Because your parent may already know and may not want to review, your binder may help. Casually leaving the binder out might help them review their condition, but regardless, always refer them to talk to their doctors.  Have a talk about it.
9. Remind them of their follow up appointments.
10. Be you. Its good to know yourself, and your positive attributes. Sometimes it’s also good to know if you are not fit to be your parent’s supporter and you need to step away.
Most of the time it’s hard to see our Heroes being frail. If for some reason your parent(s) ask you to be there for them and you don’t feel ready, have a conversation about it. Tell them why you don’t feel capable to help them. Explain it to them. Because with out an explanation, it usually just feels like a rejection or like you don’t want to be there for them.
     11. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO! 
     I know I only said ten, but I added one because its needed.
Well… I wish you luck. And ALWAYS< ALWAYS>ALWAYS contact a doctor for support. Even if you yourself are a doctor. J
 
If your Parents need Insurance Click Here to find out how you can get then insurance.  For Español haga clic aqui
Smile (if you want),

Jes Sofia Valle, Founder, MA IMFT