Teaching Your Child Respect: Rules and Consequences: How to Implament. (ages 4-9) Part 2

I have been writing this one since last week because with out practice (Role-play) it will be a bit interesting to implement, so I am re-writing this as simple as possible with examples.

*Something I forgot to mention last time was that its good to coordinate with one or two of the school rules with your list so that your child can associate home rules like school rules. Most kids this age range follow school rules because that is not only habitual for them, but most teachers have awesome Behavior Charts ( I give you tips with that too).*

Before the Next step: Make a list of all of their THINGS your child likes (DS, WII, Playing outside…etc)
From this List high-lite the ones that you think would work well in helping you during consequences time and provide a time… Don’t take education, coloring or basic living (eating) ones away. You don’t want to be neglectful.

For the next step set aside a day you are home: Make it happen.
Now that you have the rules done.

How will you implement them? Well…here we go!

1. Explain the rules to your children. Let them know why you are placing rules in your home (DON’T BLAME THEM … ie. I’m putting rules because YOU don’t know how to behave. The last thing they will listen to is you after you make them feel bad). Would you like it if I told you your not good so I’m going to make you have rules? Umm humm. So There you go.

2. While explaining, Observe and state their positives. Remember the list I suggest you make in Part 1? We are using it. Here is where you tell your child, (ie…You are an awesome son/daughter, You can read, play, etc). Acknowledge the good things about your child as you convey the rules. If you acknowledge them while doing so, you will make it into a positive memory and the chances of them listening to you are higher.

3. After you have explained the rules to your child, have them choose a place (usually the common area, back of the front door or the refrigerator) anywhere where it is visible to the child, where it is eye level/ visible and But at the same time where they cannot rip it off the wall roll it up and hide it from you. LOL Yes it happens more often than you think…

4. Now that you have explained it, and you (usually parents/caregivers in child’s life do it together for cohesion and consistency) have posted it up, Ask your child about the home rules. Your personality usually shows up here too… make it a matter of fact and fun.

  • (Huh? fact and fun?… I usually act like Colombo and say “Oh you know we where just doing something, and I forgot what?!  Child: You forgot?!!! You: Yeah! Help me yeah?…) 
  • Have the child recite the rules back to you. This way you know they not only can read them, or they can see them. (if a child is non- reading level yet, make your rules into pictures and write down the rule next to it).
5. Now that your child has told you the house rules, now you take them through the home and role-play. “This is how you do this rule.” 🙂 If the rule is to take a bath, take a bath. No yelling, model a calm voice…etc.
6. After you have practiced the rules… let them know what the consequences are (go to the list you made before beginning this set.)
7. Give them an example :
You: “Chanchita if you do not follow the rules, I will give you one Warning. “
Child: Mom what is a warning?
You: Give the answer.
Child: ok… But mom.
You: Hold on let me finish please. 🙂 (Tone remains calm)
Then…if you DO NOT listen after the first warning and do the chore in (give them a decent amount of time… NOW is not helpful in the long term, you are teaching them instant gratification (remember you are the model)) The only NOWs (and explain this) should be emergencies.
Tell him/her what will be taken away and for how long.
With explaining the consequences, make sure you also inform them that you will count to 3 and if by that time it is not done the get a consequence.
Please make it for more than 2-3 days… you will need the DS to help you at some point too.
8. Be consistent with rule setting and Make sure you follow through. If you don’t follow through your child will think that they can get away with murder.
9. Give them a warning and then begin to count to three… if they do not listen…consequences.
10. Be consistent, follow your own home rules and follow through. If you choose not to be consistent, good luck, you are causing your own heart ache. ( So I see and have heard).
Part 3: Behavior Chart Tips
Smile (if you like)
Disclaimer: I am suggesting you do this, but you don’t have to if you don’t want.
QUESTIONS?  Leave a comment please.

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