Being…

Authentically you (be warned this is a post you read after coffee).

I usually find it easy to be myself. Until I get sick or trapped in my own self.

Have you ever felt this? Where you are on a roll, and then life happens. Simple allergies that feel like that are overtaking your body like a…(ready a long run-on sentence because my grammar is Bitbantersexy…lol) norovisrus covid PTSD moment coughing frenzy comes and you are now left in bed talking to your friends instead of being with them but you already had plans to go visit some awesome nature park but can’t because your coughing off a storm and its windy and who knows when your body will recover. Yes, this happens to many of us in spring, all because they want to grow, little beautiful flowers. The pollen is in full bloom and then… bam! Achoo! 

And the first question that comes out of people’s mind is, she is sick Have COVID? You would think that a few years after such pandemic, we have been able to reduce that question. However, it’s the first questions that comes to our mind. It makes me wonder how people during the depression felt and how long they take those lessons of life with them throughout life. And how drastic those thoughts are to whom the depression did not affect them (The Psychology of Money, gave me that thought). It’s what takes being…to a whole new level. Mind you, we take being to our own level, we raise our own bars (enter a friend telling me “Get a bar.”). We elevate who we are with, who we are talking to, and who we allow to be in our lives. And we allow them to bring us up too (If we let them). So when it comes to being authentic, and then get sick and feel trapped, we must muster through the fields of whatever our minds are going through and unstrap ourselves by allow a little virus we got from a kid who was probably sick and left the virus germ on a door knob that your opened to go an help someone else as your finish your round up (this I statement I started using recently ‘:-) Round up). 

Being Sick 

It’s funny how our body attack can change our thinking. Weather (storm lol) it be because of how we just feel like MEEEEEHHHH or because we place this idea in our mind that we are trapped and HAVE to stay in bed to recuperate and let this body that has gone through so many wars already go through something like so again. But is it really a war? (Just saying, it’s a cough that made you have bronchio spams… altering your voice so that you have sexy voice…I mean lol). 

But regardless of being any type of sick or having a chronic illness, being you at that moment and time is because of something, or it may even help someone else. 

Being Authentically You

I’ve learned this the hard way, that being you, with whom you are with will allow anything to happen. I met up with an old friend and I warned her I was not my best, yet even sick, I had the most incredible talk about something and everything. She understood me, in different ways because we just understand each other. The right people come to us when we least expect it. I just spoke to someone today, and he provided the sense of love, calm, and peace I needed to get through a bronchio-spasm asthmatic moment comes in and laughter comes in. I mean it gets better when you allow people whom your instincts tell you are worth being in your life. When you can be yourself with someone and they just smile, laugh, or don’t try to change you…and allow you to be…you. These moments are called elevating human energy. And this is something I’m defiantly interested in. 

When you allow people and you come with who you are at that moment. And you allow yourself to be you… so much can happen. Yes, even if you are feeling trapped in your body and feeling sick. Giving positive energy is reciprocated with the people that are meant to be in your life and vice versa. And like with everything, always know your boundaries. You don’t want to get overused either. Everything with good measure. 

I’m out to get some rest and sleep to have more of that energy stuff and help humans get to where they want to get to, Healthy too. Make it a great (enter when you are reading this)! (If you want). -Jes 

Why a Pet?

Most people have a pet. Whether it be a Dog, cat, birth, iguana… you name it. We have them. And they make us happy, frustrated, annoyed, excited… they make us feel. They come with responsibility and remind us to be accountable for ourselves.

At least that’s what I’ve learned with having Max from his 4th day of life. I actually took Max to the doctor early on to the vet because he came from a scary mom that was doing her nature thing in eating her babies for some reason or another. So the neighbor rescued whoever he could, and I could only save one of the two because I wasn’t that kind of doctor! Back to taking him to the doctor, he said he was too little and would not survive the slash on his head and eyelid made by his biological mother. Welp, I used the the skills I learned at UCLA rotations in high school, and did butterfly stitches to close his wounds and did lots of research on how to feed him. I also called brewery farms to find out why he wasn’t pooping, and they told me how to do enemas on one week old puppies. I didn’t sleep for many days because I was up every two hours feeding him. I mean, if anything, i’m glad we were confined to indoors back then during them covid days, year ago (last year). Because Lord knows I was not sleeping, and i begged my mom to take puppy for a few hours while I slept. And as he healed, I took pictures, it was him and I and my family. Everyone loved him. He was a lot of work. And I read all sorts of dog blog post, called vets, asked questions and lord oh lord did i ask questions. I got him Pet insurance, and i went back to work because i had to feed this new pup and get him doggy insurance. I don’t regret working and listen to people while they were horrified of what was going on due to covid. Even though i had my own fears because i’m immune compromised. But i had a new mouth to feed. He was something else. brough lots of joy just being around him. He still does, even though he’s much faster than I am now a days. I cannot run with him because i can’t physically run, but i do go on strolls with him. I’m teaching him how to go the the same treadmills and I walk on (separately of course), and I’m very happy to come home and have someone to feed. He brings lots of joy. I mean, this morning, he was on the side of my bed waiting for me to get up so we can go out for a play outside, and for food (that he chose not to eat) because the chicken wasn’t done for me to add to his meal. (just like a child). But he doesn’t speak, and figuing him out has been awesome. I tell him to show me what he wants and he takes me to where and why. When he’s mad at me, i know because he will go to the bathroom trash can and throw it on the floor in front of the main door. When i’m looking for something and I can’t find it, he usually places it in front of the door when i’m home so i can look for it. so it can be a blessing because he’s mad and will act like a teenager, or a blessing because he found what i’m looking for. He is highly intelligent. I mean what german shepard and husky isn’t? Anywho, this is a little note to remind people that Dog are not just pets, they can be so much more if you let them. Buddy, my last dog who passed away a year ago (after living 24.5 years), got the opportunity to teach him all his training on how to let me know when my sugar was low. Buddy use to bring me a toy bread when i was starting to get low. Now Max brings me a specific snoopy when i’m going low. Go figure. I’m happy Buddy was able to teach him, and Max is always sniffing my inner elbow (what is that called again?) to make sure i’m ok. There is a lot that that comes with taking care of others, especially when a pet takes care of you back. So if you are thinking of a pet, make sure you are ready for one, financially, and emotionally. The more you love them, the more they protect you. Ok, i’m just writing to write because i’ve not written in a very long time, of which you will read of eventually.

So why a PET?

They are an amazing form of unconditional love, that make you grow into a more awesome human because you have to keep it alive and they bring lots of joy to your life. If you are willing to work for one that is…

Have a good week. Make it all the best this week, for you and if you have a pet, for your pet too.

xoxo Jes Sofia V.

https://www.instagram.com/maxvpuppy

Iron Deficiency Anemia: The Feels of it all

I recently when through infusions for Iron Deficiency Anemia a long and interesting process.  I can tell you this… OUCH! and Ahhhh-ayeeee! Where words I used when I was going through the process. So earlier this year I took some time because there were many variables telling me to rest. I had just come back from rest, and yet, I did not feel rested. Working with families and communities can be a lot, and it wasn’t what was keeping me tired, because I felt alive while helping. How can I help others when I kept coughing and feeling low of energy? There was something else, something I felt was not right. Month after month I kept feeling tired and had continued low energy. My atoms, neurons, and connections did not seem to be working, I was not my bubbly, energy fused me. I tried very hard to continue me…but that in itself made me sad because it was no longer normal. I wasn’t able to pass test that I was taking, I felt depleted, distracted and some depressive symptoms fell upon me. I didn’t know what it was, I knew I didn’t suffer from depression, or maybe it was my first episode, I thought. I knew all the symptoms after diagnosing many people after ten years as Marriage and Family Therapist, and I knew how they looked on others. I was dumb founded that I was feeling this low of energy. I wasn’t motivated. I wasn’t doing the same in all areas of my life. So I looked through Depression symptoms: (The pink I felt)

  • “Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
  • Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
  • Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
  • Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
  • Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
  • Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
  • Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
  • Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
  • Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
  • Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches” (Mayo Clinic, 2017 1)

I sought help. I called my doctor and we could not understand why my asthma had increased, why I was coughing so much, why my head hurt, by body ached and my spine and muscles where flaring up (had two prior spine surgeries). I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what.  When he took my blood (Red Life Syrup), he was scared for my life. My Red Life syrup was like OMGOSH YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A ZOMBIE! Well…maybe a Vampire!… as I needed life syrup. 0.o The counts…they where low (no pun intended, well maybe), more than Half low in life syrup I was informed, and my Iron numbers where also super low. I had elevated numbers of inflammation and so I was treated for a chest infection, and ear infection with anti-biotic and loads of cranberry juice and green juice where my friend. I joined an amazing support group online to see “What the heck!!!” lol My doctors were amazing and they had me on Iron 325 mg 3xs daily and loads of greens and iron foods. I even opened up to my Facebook friends and I was even cooking on an Iron skillet thanks to my Register dietitian friends advice.

I was like, WOW, really lady?! My doctor who knows me very well personality, positivity and all that comes with my awesome self package was like “this is not you.” For him to tell me he was scared, I got permission to worry. I looked and felt depleted. Dark circles under my eyes, shaking like I was with Chanklas (sandals) and a robe in the snow and my nails where purple, always braking and I felt brittle. I couldn’t sleep and I felt pain. You would think I could sleep long ends, but it was the opposite. I went for days without sleep. I took Netflix and Chill to a whole new level… LOL It was me and Pillow. When I felt energy I ran to Mr. Snow. Where my Chills and shaking looked normal and being Blue was a normal thing. I felt like I was breathing clean air, and breathing hard was normal. I thought it was just pollution messing me up sometimes too. And when I slept, thanks to Norcos due to pain, I woke up feeling drowsy, muggy, like I just got up from being dead. I wasn’t me. I kept feeling buzzed, like I had taken two cups of wine instead of one, even when not on pain meds.

@-@

“Iron deficiency anemia is a common type of anemia — a condition in which blood lacks adequate healthy red blood cells. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the body’s tissues.” (Mayo Clinic, 2017)

“Initially, iron deficiency anemia can be so mild that it goes unnoticed. But as the body becomes more deficient in iron and anemia worsens, the signs and symptoms intensify.

Iron deficiency anemia signs and symptoms may include:

  • Extreme fatigue
  • Weakness
  • Pale skin
  • Chest pain, fast heartbeat or shortness of breath
  • Headache, dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Cold hands and feet
  • Inflammation or soreness of your tongue
  • Brittle nails
  • Unusual cravings for non-nutritive substances, such as ice, dirt or starch
  • Poor appetite, especially in infants and children with iron deficiency anemia” (Mayo Clinic, 2017)

After months of diagnosing and waiting for my body to heal, medicines that stopped my Life Syrup depletions monthly and loads of abdominal checks, I had a small surgery in hopes that was the cause of why… and after that I still felt low. I had iron infusion therapy, the red pill was not working and eating greens and healthy Iron filled foods where like nothing. So Therapy it was, where I was placed in a large room with others going through similar weakness, and others going through becoming weaker battling cancer and other conditions… I then understood that Anemia was not like any other battle, and when others said “OH ITS JUST MY ANEMIA” I understood that they had found their peace to being ironwomen and ironmen.  I understood that it was a battle for your life on an everyday scale and sadness and emotions that came with it where due to the health diagnosis. After all, our thoughts are fused with our body as our brain is held in it. I had diagnosed “due to General Medical Condition” I understood it from an educational level and years of observation… and now, I knew of it as experienced it. It’s both mental and physical staying alive. I never understood why there was such separation. Thank God I am bubbly again. I feel energy and I’m exercising and being once with nature and hike daily walks again. I have my bad and good days like anyone else… but I get through it. I’ll begin to work again and yours and My prayers worked, and God made some amazing doctors to help me through my process.

Get help when you don’t feel like yourself.

Sharing is Caring: My doctors

Smile (if you want),

Jes

Fatherhood – Respecting the Responsibility

Being a dad is the most difficult, mind-racking, exhausting, and frustrating responsibility I’ve ever had. Yet at the same time, fatherhood is definitely the most rewarding, exciting, fulfilling, and unselfish act I have experienced.

I Love it!

Fatherhood has changed dramatically over the years. Where dads, generally speaking, in the past were looked at as incapable of handling a day with the children without mom, today this has changed with full or part-time stay-at-home dads, single dads or active co-caregivers.

Navigating fatherhood can have its challenges. Over the years I’ve learned from my mistakes and my successes. Following are two tips which can help in building and maintaining a strong relationship with your child(ren).
First, don’t panic!
Being a Dad is a 24/7 job, and a life long role. The weight of which is a bit unnerving when you think about it, but its ok.
There is no manual for children, whether born to you, adopted or by marriage. All children are different and they need to be reared based on their individual needs and character.

So don’t panic.
You will make mistakes and they may hurt you and your child, but if you parent to the best of your ability, and love, care, protect, and instruct them for their betterment over the child’s life, the mistakes will be outweighed by care given to them.
Secondly, mistakes will happen; it’s how you respond to them.

We often times want our children to apologize to us for their wrongdoings, but we neglect considering apologizing to them. We as parents are not perfect, even if we think so in our minds.

Side bar…It was long overdue, but I apologized to my daughter when she was a teenager for years of misunderstandings. Best thing I ever did as it opened up healing for both of us, and lead to a stronger relationship today.
Finally, try not to leave a lot of time between mistakes and corrections so whatever negative emotions are smothered before they begin to grow.

We all know it can take years before our children fully understand and appreciate what we attempt to do for their well-being, but I believe how we respond to our mistakes will help them realize much sooner.

In conclusion, always remember to respect the responsibility and enjoy the “gifts” we call our children.


darren

Darren W. Carter is founder of Darrenwcarter.com, a site focusing on Faith, Family, Fatherhood and a lot of Fun!

He is also co-organizer of Cleveland Dads Group, a community of dads in Cleveland, Ohio who are active in their children’s lives and founder of All Geared Up – A Family Bike Event, an event that focuses on family time and healthy lifestyles.

He’s an unconventional dad that shares his life’s journey in hopes that his errors as well as triumphs can be gleaned tidbits, which can help his readers in any way possible.

Ten Reasons Why You Should Take Your Self Out on a Date

So why am I writing about this on a health post? Well… It’s more of a mental health thing. Making yourself happy is one of the biggest ways to be happy! Here is one of my many anecdotal experience.

Here I go!

1. It makes you aware of what you like to do.

I’m sitting here in between two movies that I really wanted to watch. Star Trek and Jason Bourne, having a grande soy chi latte and listening to “The best is yet to come” by Frank Sinatra at a Starbucks under the theater. And I love my Frankie, coffee and movies! This sitting at Starbucks alone can be it and I’d be happy. A reminder that I love to just chill with no one sometimes.

2. Your mind starts to think about what you would like to do next!

Like tomorrow morning I’m going to go hiking! I probably won’t write about hiking until later but I know I will have a blast!

3. You learn who you can bring into your life, and who you really don’t want to bring into your life.

Have to be picky people, this is after all your life too.

4. You get to spoil yourself a little or a lot when you take yourself out. ?? That’s how a man/woman/partner/alien is supposed to treat you when you are out. The way you treat yourself. And now I know why i’m single, high maintenance… lol jk (maybe).?

5. People watching! I love people watching. You get to watch people with their peoples and smile.

This makes me more aware of people in general. Who, what, where, when and why…and how. It is a good thing to meet new people. Not everyone will hurt you and reject you or make you wish you had not met them. Most people are kind, they do tend to make you laugh and they do things to allow yourself to be happy.

6. You accept yourself in the here and now moment, that… you are alone with no one and you can do anything you want. Or that you choose to sit at Starbucks to write your next post and have a huge smile on your face because that makes you happy…. Oh wait, that’s me! ??
7. You become a little more self assured/ secure that you can take on life on your own if you had to. But that’s why we have friends and people because you don’t need to really.

8. You gain more understanding of what makes you happy, for me it’s all about the little things.

9. You. This date is all about you. As a strong woman in this world… It’s good to know what you can or cannot do. Same for a man. A lot of dudes should really take themselves out on dates too, I hardly hear or see that, and Gym does not count. That’s something normal you already do.  Focusing and enjoying time for yourself is upmost special time. Fav!

10. You get to head to your next movie excited to see one of your favorite franchises. ???? Oh wait, that me again…well I did say this was anecdotal. lol.

Ok. So this is me enjoying my time and giving you some of my me time. Feel special readers! 😀 off to Jason Bourne I go!

Have a great time on your self- dates ya!

Smile (if you want to)

Jes Sofia

Challenging your Health

I’ve been scared of not feeling my legs again since 2007, when I could not feel both legs and I was forced to in bed for a few months; a long time. It was absolutely scary, beyond infinity and beyond scary. This summer, I felt super scared again.

I was siting, being stressed, trying to stay afloat of everything I had to do amidst of going through a lot of other things. I began to fall down. I felt like I wasn’t doing well, my body was aching, my system was crashing and with that came Jes tumbling down. I was following rules. I was doing what I was supposed to do in other areas of my life. I was helping others out, being kind, getting productivity in, working under the pressures of what I had to fix. I was doing all of that except for one MAJOR thing… I was not taking care of me. As a person who was use to going on that morning walk or evening walk I had placed that to the side. I was afraid to challenge other’s and not say anything. I’d placed my health to the side. I wasn’t even going to the gym. At one point I was told to act like I was working during my finals to push through and get it done. And I didn’t want to disappoint and I didn’t want anyone mad. I’d already felt like a failure in more ways than one. I was scared of loosing it all.

I was challenging the wrong things. Others perception of me; what people thought of me. I allowed everything else to take a hold of my time and forgot to take care of me.

Thankfully, I have amazing mentors and they helped me out so much. I tend to choose amazing people in my life. I’m very blessed I have them, I did a good job in picking them for my inner circle, for my life. They defiantly helped me.

So… after loosing most things and I ended up in the hospital. After coming out of the hospital and getting all these things done, I challenged myself. I told myself I would restore and walk again without pain by the end of the summer’s end. I told myself I would take care of everything I had to take care of before I had to go back to saving one life at a time. I challenged myself to be emotionally strong and say what I needed to say before the summer ended. I challenged my health. Everyone around me kept telling me take it slow, one step at a time… and I did.

I started testing my limits, testing my self, one step at a time. When the pain was too much I would stop. My doctors told me, if it hurts don’t do it. And it did hurt and after a few more steps I stopped. Today two months later I’m walking 3.5-4 miles 4-5xs weekly, again. I’m back to where I was. I’m cooking for myself and feeling like myself again. I’m even saying what I felt and feel again. I’m being honest with how I’m feeling. I’m no longer worried if expressing myself is going to cause something else to go wrong. That is no way to live. I’m not letting anyone or anything stop me from taking care of me and voicing myself. I’m recouping slowly everything else I lost, but for now, i’m being strong. Back to who you know me to be. Many didn’t even know all I went through, I guess you will have to buy my book eventually to read about it…

For now, I’m eating all my meals, I’m drinking loads of water and I challenged myself. I’m challenging my health. Everything is one step at a time.

I doing it.

I’m not it alone though, I will tell you that. I don’t do it without supervision or without caution. I have an awesome team to help me with that; mentors, medical teams, friends, parents, family, people around me to be there for me. I learned that lesson a long time ago to keep my circle tight.

I took a Healthy Me Pause (when everything around is crumbling down and all you have to do is take care of you and get strong to keep going on). I had to. It was all too much.

You will see me walking, hiking and baking, and I’m taking care of me. I was reminded “you can’t help the world and people in it if you are not taking care of you.” Its words I preach all the time. And now I’m an example why I preach them… It’s just that simple. God first, You and then all things. Challenge yourself to take care of you first. People will say it’s hard, I won’t lie it has its moments. However, it’s that or not being well at all. You would be amazed at what a walk can do, of how making time for you and your friends can do. Its simple once you make the time for that.

I hope you have a good time with your challenge, whatever it may be.

Smile (if you want),

Jes Sofia Valle

What is beyond being poor?

13244775_1142513485798829_7128016630007376506_nThere is a land not far from where we live; I’d say about 4-5 countries far away (depending if you count side to side)… too far to walk to yet many do so every day, where several communities seek to learn new ways to be sustained. Where women and men are rich in land and are learning to cultivate the dirt with no water, no shovels, and for many no plan. The other part of the land is green fruit filled, where bees are kept, they make honey that helps their communities grow.

I recently traveled to Nicaragua for a long weekend to meet a group of people who are creating positive social change. They are beyond working bees. They are leaders in communities helping advance people lives. Raising communities the way they’ve been taught how.

In this team there are leaders, one traveling and telling people all over the world of his non-profit. His job takes him everywhere and through what he makes he started this act of love his name is Vince. I call his Cosgrove. His partner Victoria, she operates the non-profit that is literally saving people’s lives. This non-profit is called Sweet Progress. They help communities help their people become entrepreneurs so they can stand on their own. There are women, children and men with undiagnosed disabilities, people who don’t have the ability to talk, or walk, and people that have no control of their body and children with resiliency far beyond what poverty is known to create. And just because they have such resiliency should they continue to live in such ways? They are choosing not to and choosing to advance in life.

How you ask? Here is one of many ways:

13241230_1142512055798972_738077219938598669_nI met a woman, she could not speak, she has two children, and she is learning how to make dresses so she can sell her works and feed her children, pay for her children’s schooling needs. A typical story you hear in the “third world scenes.” What you don’t know is that she lives in iron wooden stick hot open shelter home with little to no water. You only get one hour to pour and fill your buckets for every few days. The water wells, ponds and lakes have dried up, there use to be water all around them. Now, there is no walking 5-15 miles to get a gallon of water (it takes me 1 hour alone to walk 3.5-4 miles alone, imagine that). There is no water to cultivate their lands. A few years ago they where finally given the deeds to their lands. These communities created in old cane fields were given to them as payment for their hard work as a company they worked for broke during the Nicaraguan wars. This once was a land of the biggest company that grew sweet cane in Central America they once had sweet lands.

She is but one of many social 13240540_1142512262465618_6163187979074509963_nentrepreneurs I will tell you about in my next few posts. All I can tell you now is to buy their honey, to help them mend their lives and lands.

www.SweetProgress.org

More later: What is beyond being poor

Have a positive and giving day,

Jes

 

Beauty is Everything…or is it?

 

We live in a society in which we are constantly inundated with beauty. Advertisements constantly tell us what we need to buy to be beautiful and accepted. Instagram gurus are now making thousands, if not millions (see: Michelle Phan) for making tutorials on how to conceal that pimple or rock that smokey eye. Don’t get me wrong, I love make up, and I love checking out all the latest hair trends. But where are the ads that are calling us to become the best version of ourselves? Why is society so driven to create images rather than character?
Growing up, my parents, well my grandparents who raised me, did their best. I look back now, and being a mom, I realize they weren’t perfect, but they gave me all that they had. My grandmother, whom I miss dearly, in a misguided effort to keep me focused, used to tell me that I wasn’t pretty, like my best friend…that I had better focus on my grades. In her effort to keep me from being boy crazy and self-obsessed, she did some damage to my self-esteem that she didn’t realize. I literally thought that I was ugly, well into my late 20s.
Now before you start feeling sorry for me, let’s take a look at this in a different perspective. Because I didn’t think that I was beautiful, it allowed me to cultivate and work on other aspects of who I was becoming. I wanted to be considered generous, kind, helpful and supportive. I wanted to be an accountable and trustworthy person. I wanted to be unselfish, thinking about the big picture and needs of the team vs. me.
Realizing that looks aren’t everything allowed me to look for traits and qualities in others that had nothing to do with their looks. I wanted friends and lovers who loved others, who were generous and hard working. It didn’t matter to me what someone looked like, I wanted to understand their heart, their work ethic and their values.
So based on those values, and hard learned lessons, it’s interesting to interact with people today who are literally obsessed with appearance…yet have empty hearts and selfish perspectives towards others. We are constantly fooled and made to feel inferior by others highlight reel via social media.
Beauty is really about how you treat others, how you value yourself, your true self, and what you contribute to the world around you. Beauty is found in serving in a soup kitchen, or holding an open door for someone else. Beauty is on display when we put the needs of others before our own. We are at our most beautiful when we are seeking a life that serves the needs of others. We are beautiful when we are living out the purpose for which we were placed on the earth. We are beautiful when we choose to do what’s right, even when no one is looking. Beauty comes from building character, and working to become the best version of ourselves…a lifelong work.
So while selfies likes, and advertisements seem to dictate what beauty really is made of, remember that true beauty comes from within.

Stay Beautiful,

Brandise

BeautybyBrandise.com

Ten ways to #Advocate for your #Parents

One thing I am noticing is that our bodies become frail as we get older. I mean, that is a given… but you don’t see it until you actually see your parents go through it, and how much you took care of yourself shows as you get older … (this may be partially true).
I’m currently at the point where my parents are going to the doctors more often. They are getting small but significant procedures done and its interesting because they are doing it back to back…meaning, one week my mom, the other week my dad. (Ahhhh :-)!) And I WANT to be there for them, even if by their side in the hospital. Luckily, I have an awesome schedule and my parents schedule their appointments to be the first appointment of the day and I can see clients in the evening, but living a caretaking life is no joke.
I can only imagine what it must be like to be in the shoes of others that cannot accompany their parents to see the doctors. Now that I’m older, I ask… do a lot of parents even get their check ups done?
Luckily to my advantage, our family knows that doctors can actually help. Growing up as a hospital kid, they learned to advocate for me. I guess those tables are turning and its time to advocate/support them. So…Here are…

Ten ways to advocate for your Parents

1. Listen to your parents and to the doctors. They are defining the issues.
A lot of people go to the doctors and don’t use the knowledge the doctors give you – parents tend to do things their way and sometimes forget what the doctor says.
2. Learn to ask for second opinions. Gather information. Sometimes this helps, not only can one doctor miss something, but you gain assurance that its not just your doctor telling you something, its now two or three.
3. Know your rights!
HIPPA (Health InsurancePortability and Accountability Act). Know what the hospital/clinical settings should be doing to protect your parent’s information.
If your parents do not speak English (in the USA), ask for a Translator. Though you may be able to translate, don’t place the burden of having to tell you parents’ things and later feeling emotions due to it. Let a professional do it, its their job, not yours. Also, there may be some medical terminology that sometimes-even professionals can’t comprehend because getting certain news about your parents can be shocking.
4. Have them Ask, Answer and make their own Decisions: Read about the conditions that they have, knowledge is power. They will want to ask you questions. Guide them to ask their doctors…gently/ sometimes sternly depending on how stubborn your parent(s) is/are…lol
Example: “mom/da/grandma, I read that this is what it is (hand them a brochure in their language), but I think you should defiantly ask the doctor as they know a lot more about this subject.”
The reason for this is to empower your parent and help them become advocated for themselves, if not already. This allows them to make an informed decision as oppose to a generalized statement “OK.”
5. Paperwork: Help keep and teach your parent how to keep their paperwork in one binder, so that if they every need anything, its all there. Doctor appointments, past and current medications. Have tabs, Label them, Past and Present. This way if their doctors (new doctors) ask about their history and your parents don’t remember, they have a binder.  Also, you can always ask your treating team for a summary of services (HIPPA).
6. Help your parents set a plan for their health. Ask questions. Its better to ask than to assume. When can they fit in exercise? What can they do or not do (mobility wise). When is their next doctor appointment? What are their general health goals?
If they have a chronic illness, how will the team of doctors treat them? These questions you can ask your parents to ask their doctors. And explain to them that its always good to know what they should expect from the doctors, even though most doctors might say, we will take it one step at a time.
This helps…
7. Be patient, assertive but not aggressive.
Because these are your parents, you will want to get mad at the person who is treating them… this will not help the situation, it will only create more anxiety.  And the whole point of you being there is to support.
A lot of the time, you will see yourself in their reactions, which is normal because…well…. They raised you and you learned things from them. So try to be patient with them and yourself.
8. Review with your parent.  I will warn you, a lot of people who have acute or chronic illness with do one of two things; talk about it like there is no tomorrow, or not talk about it like there is no tomorrow…. Be patient. Be kind and remind yourself that you are there to support not live their life.  This is also where things can get dicey. Because your parent may already know and may not want to review, your binder may help. Casually leaving the binder out might help them review their condition, but regardless, always refer them to talk to their doctors.  Have a talk about it.
9. Remind them of their follow up appointments.
10. Be you. Its good to know yourself, and your positive attributes. Sometimes it’s also good to know if you are not fit to be your parent’s supporter and you need to step away.
Most of the time it’s hard to see our Heroes being frail. If for some reason your parent(s) ask you to be there for them and you don’t feel ready, have a conversation about it. Tell them why you don’t feel capable to help them. Explain it to them. Because with out an explanation, it usually just feels like a rejection or like you don’t want to be there for them.
     11. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO! 
     I know I only said ten, but I added one because its needed.
Well… I wish you luck. And ALWAYS< ALWAYS>ALWAYS contact a doctor for support. Even if you yourself are a doctor. J
 
If your Parents need Insurance Click Here to find out how you can get then insurance.  For Español haga clic aqui
Smile (if you want),

Jes Sofia Valle, Founder, MA IMFT

Mourning

The death of a loved one is one of life’s most stressful events. It can be the catalyst of major emotional crises to those who mourn. Grief is the internal (emotional) reaction to the death of a loved one whereas mourning is the external (behavioral)  reaction of this grief. Whether the death was expect or unaccepted, a variety of emotions arise.  These include but  are not limited to:

  • Denial
  • Disbelief
  • Confusion
  • Shock
  • Sadness
  • Yearning
  • Anger
  • Humiliation
  • Despair
  • Guilt

Historically, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5 Stages of Loss, where readily used to explain grieving; this is no longer practiced to support mourners. There are no strategic stages to grieving. Grief is a journey marked by easier moments and moments of hardship. One never gets over the death of a loved one. We simply learn to live with the loss and learn healthier ways of coping. In essence, creating a new normal.

The intensity and longevity of grieving emotions and mourning behaviors varies; everyone is different in their journey. However, there are strategies a person can use to take care for themselves through the grieving process.

  1. Seek support.  Whether is in the form of friends or relatives or professional help. Seek to express what you are feeling and going through at this time.
  2. Take care of your health. The stress the body goes through after the death of a loved one can lead to physical complications. Make sure to care for your physical well being; be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
  3. Avoid making major life decisions. Give yourself time to adjust to the death. Another change can further complicate your emotional health and further your stress level.
  4. Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.

Remember, with support, patience and effort, you will survive grief. Some day the pain will lessen, leaving you with cherished memories of your loved one.

Resources:

National Alliance for Grieving Children. 2016. Web. 30 Jan 2016.

Gupta, Sanjay. “How Grief Can Make You Sick.” Everydayhealth. Every Day Health Media, LLC. Web. 28 January 2016.

Richardson, Angelle. Personal interview. 29 January 2016

yaritza

Yaritza Zayas, MS, MFT, LPC
Yaritza Zayas, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor .   She is co-owner  of SHARE Counseling & Therapy Services™, a private practice in Philadelphia, Pa.  Yaritza graduated from Temple University with her B.S. in Human Biology and a minor in Anthropology. She earned her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Holy Family University.