Tag: Emotions

How to Trust Again

 

Trust is essential to all healthy relationships. Trust can be difficult to obtain and very quickly broken. As a couple’s counselor I work with couples who want to trust each other. They have so many questions: whether they can trust each other in daily household tasks, whether they can be emotionally vulnerable to each other, whether fidelity is a possibility, etc. Without trust relationships will not flourish to their potential.

Dr. John Gottman, an expert researcher and educator on marriages and families states that “trust is central to what makes human communities work”. Dr. Gottman states that trust is built on what he called “sliding door moments”. These are moments are found every day. For example, you are focused on a particular task i.e. watching a movie and noticed that your partner looks sad. You have two choices: ask what is wrong or watch your movie. To stop and ask what is the matter: that is a moment where you are building trust. It is subtle and quite fleeting but sends the message: “I am paying attention and I am here.”

Graduate student Dan Yoshimoto, who closely works with Dr. Gottman summarized that the basis for trust and therefore rebuilding that trust is found in the acronym ATTUNE. To become attuned means to consciously and intentionally be present. So, I have outline some tips to help you become attuned with in your relationship.

1.Pay attention to your partner’s emotions. If you are unclear ask your partner how they are feeling.

2.Identify how you are feeling. Take ownership of your emotions by using “I statements”.

3.Recognize that there are two points of views: theirs and yours.

4.Never resort to name calling or putdowns.

5.Stay on topic. The present situation does not warrant bringing up unresolved issues.

6.Be empathic to your partner

Trust can be fortified every day and if you are are ATTUNED to one another.

Resources

Gottman, John and Nan Silver. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books, 2015. Print.

Gottman, John. The Science of Trust. New York: W.W Norton & Company,LLC, 2011. Print.

 

BOH Blogger: Yaritza

yaritza

Yaritza Zayas, MS, MFT, LPC
Yaritza Zayas, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor .   She is co-owner  of SHARE Counseling & Therapy Services™, a private practice in Philadelphia, Pa.  Yaritza graduated from Temple University with her B.S. in Human Biology and a minor in Anthropology. She earned her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Holy Family University.

Haven’t Seen Star Wars Yet?!

Go see it! It’s the best New Year Present you can give yourself!

What’s my take on it? Umm…well, if you are like me, you will try to get spoilers before you saw it and no one will tell you. But now that most of the world has seen it….

Here is a list of question you can go into the movie theater asking yourself …

“Killing Chewbacca by crashing a moon into him?”

“Letting Rey run naked?”

“Who is the new guy? And whyyyyyy be a double agent?”

“Why do they only shoot in “Guatemala Pyramids?”

“Will they have tissues in the movie theaters?!

“Why does that lady look like that?”

“Whhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy?”

And

“How old was I?

I hope it helps you understand the movie.

Overall review: emotionally riveting.

“STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS debuted in the US and Canada on Dec. 18, its first two weeks pushing the domestic annual industry box office to an all-time high of $11B. It has set numerous individual records including:

  • Fastest film to reach $100M (21 hours), $200M (3 days), $300M (5 days), $400M (8 days), $500M (10 days), $600M (12 days), and $700M (16 days)
  • Biggest all-time debut and biggest December debut ($247.966M), propelling the industry to the biggest overall moviegoing weekend of all time ($313.3M for all films, Dec. 18-20)
  • Biggest second weekend of all time ($149.2M), propelling the industry to the biggest overall Christmas weekend of all time ($296.4M for all films, Dec. 25-27)
  • Biggest third weekend of all time ($90.2M)
  • Biggest Thursday preview gross ($57M)
  • Biggest Friday, opening, and single day ($119.1M)
  • Biggest Sunday ($60.55M), Monday ($40.1M), and Tuesday ($37.3M)
  • Biggest Christmas Day ($49.3M) and New Year’s Day ($34.39M)
  • Highest per-theater average for a wide debut ($59,982)
  • Biggest opening week ($390.85M)
  • Biggest IMAX debut ($30.1M)

Globally, the film posted the highest global opening weekend of all time ($528.967M) and surpassed $1B in a record 12 days. It also had the biggest global IMAX debut ($48M) and surpassed $152M in IMAX in a record 19 days. It was the highest international debut in December history with $281M, and it remains #1 in many territories after posting the biggest opening weekend in at least 18 major markets.

Named one of AFI’s top 10 films of 2015, STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS now heads into its fourth weekend of global release ahead of a debut in its final international market, China, on Jan. 9.”

Working Out & Therapy

Therapy is a process where you are Asked to be Committed for a few months to work on you, emotionally and in other ways. Most often therapist will also ask you about your physical health regimen. Usually they will ask you to get a physical and begin to hit the gym or nature for walks. But why?

Here are some reasons why Working out and Therapy work well together.

  1. Our minds run based on what we give our body. We feed it trash, we feel like trash. We feed it well, we run well. Think about it like the oil in the car… You have to change it in order for your motor to work. And while in therapy a therapist needs you to get all your bases covered so that we don’t miss anything, and we are able to get you over the hump.
  2. Working out feels good! Our bodies secrete hormones and we must learn to listen to out body. The more you work out the better you feel. 1
  3. Our Body actually tells us when we have pain when something is wrong.2 So Listen to it! A lot of us don’t like to listen to our bodies… and that is where going to therapy can come in… they can help you realize why you are not listening to yourself.
  4. Talking about your anger and feelings is great and it helps you gain insight about yourself, but guess what, workout after words helps you not only work though the insight you had in session, more so you get to release it though exercise and think about what insight you gained in your session. You think about what is going on and use the Coping skills, the deep Stuff that you and your therapist came up with to help you through the process.
  5. Last But not least. Therapy and Exercise gets you to a strong point, both mentally and physically. And guess what? The body cannot work with out your brain. With both, You are hitting all your “Weakness” and making them in your strength. You want to be able to work with a whole you, not just a half.

I hope this gives you some insight on Why Therapy and Physical Fitness is important.

Tell us your reasons why you work out and Have a therapist? Tell us how it goes.

Find treatment: findtreatment.samhsa.gov.

Note: We suggest you obtain services. All you work through will be between you and your therapist and fitness coaches. We are NOT liable for your choice. We do however congratulate you on obtaining help. Stay in your positive journey and Enjoy it!

Reference:

Moderate treadmill exercise rescues anxiety and depression-like behavior as well as memory impairment in a rat model of posttraumatic stress disorder.

Patki G, Li L, Allam F, Solanki N, Dao AT, Alkadhi K, Salim S.

Physiol Behav. 2014 May 10;130:47-53. doi: 10.1016/j.physbeh.2014.03.016. Epub 2014 Mar 19.

PMID:24657739

Synthetic and Natural Inhibitors of Phospholipases A<sub>2</sub>: Their Importance for Understanding and Treatment of Neurological Disorders.

Ong WY, Farooqui T, Kokotos G, Farooqui AA.

ACS Chem Neurosci. 2015 May 1. [Epub ahead of print]

PMID:25891385