Category: Health

RIGHT NOW! : How to get your kids to do their chores.

 

For ages 2-8

So how many of you out there tell your kids “Do this RIGHT NOW?”  Don’t fret, most all mothers have. You are not alone.
And then how many of you get a response? Or how many of you have to continue to tell your kid over and over and over to the point where you are frustrated and your about to give your child a spanking? …
I see this all the time. Overstressed parents that get frustrated because their kids don’t listen!
But what if you did things differently?  What if there are other ways to help you be less stressed and frustrated?

So here we go:  The secrete words DIRECTIVES and CONSEQUENCES.
What is a Directive?!
That’s you telling your kid what to do. But here is a different way to do this.  But before I teach you, you have to learn it, and then teach it to your child by explaining it to him/her what it is and how it goes. Then you will teach them consequences, I you will learn how to here.

A Directive:

It has three Parts:
1. The “To do”: (ex. Juan goes takes out the trash).
2. TIME: (ex. You have 15 minutes to take it out).
3. Acknowledgement that he will do it: (Thanks).

Juan go take out the trash, you have 15 minutes to do it, Thanks.
So what changed? You gave them time!  You see…right away only frustrated you, not them. But they end up mad at you because “you’re treating them like a (slave/dog/worker/waiter…” so I’ve heard…
Imagine If “I told you, go clean your house RIGHT NOW!” You will be like…

1. Who are you to tell me anything, 2. Mum no. 3. Really.  Can you be more diva about it? Well, well, imagine that! You did not like it. Well imagine if you did not like it, now much less your kid will not like it either!

So this is what you are teaching your child with giving them time. Respect. As a mother and human you are teaching them respect. I mean, maybe they are about to win a video game that they have worked soooooo hard to win. Or they might be in the middle of a math problem, they may even be reading! But most likely they are on their iPad or iPhone kicking with their friends. Regardless you have implemented accountability, responsibility, trust and acknowledgement…all of which work with respect.

AND WHAT IF THEY DON’T LISTEN?

(You have to keep a timer for yourself) AFTER, if they have gone their time, you give them one more minute, but you tell them they have one more minute.

Q. AND IF THEY DON’T listens?

A.You place a consequence.

A consequence is simple. Something your child likes (cannot be daily food intake or anything that are needs). More like (iPad, iPhone, video games, going outside to play, playing with the neighbors, playing board games, etc.

Do not use food as a consequences or reward. You don’t want them to have food issues later in life.
And the consequences should be taken away depending on age.
Like time out for ages 2-7. Depending on their age.

If your child likes to watch cartoons then take it away for their favorite show. If they throw a tantrum, ignore their behaviors. (But make sure they are ok). For older kids it goes the same. Ignore the Negative behaviors and pay attention to the positive ones.
Let me know how that goes.

NOW that you have read this, make sure you explain to them what your will be doing.  Juan, I’m going to start doing something new… I’m going to begin to give you time and this is how it goes.
Explain the three parts of the directives, the extra one minute and then explain the consequence. You know your child better than others (we hope) so talk to them in lay terms.

And Like I say: Consistency is your best friend when it comes to children.

#TLForphanage Project

 

http://www.turningleaves.org/#!donate/c1ghi

Hello All

I’m writing this post to ask for your help.

I am raising funds for a Sustainable project in Guatemala and I need your help. I don’t usually ask of much, but today, I am asking you to give funds for Turning Leaves Foundation’s Orphanage Project.



We really want to help get a consistent Teacher and Psychologist in the Orphanage and with your help I know this can happen. “We are not just giving the fish we want to teach these children how to fish.”  A saying…. we are not literally giving them fish or teaching them fishing… you know what I mean! 😀
 I wanted to thank the first donor Che for donating to our cause! I really appreciate your giving. Please ‪#‎HelpUsHelp‬ to the ‪#‎TLForphanage‬ project.

Kindly,
Jes

  

How to Help Decrease #Anxiety before a #Surgery: Simple Tips

By Jes Sofia Valle, MA IMFT

Anxiety is a sign, an alert that something is off. Well when you are about to have surgery HECK YEAH there is something wrong! So of course your anxiety will increase! Boy logic I tell ya. Anxiety before having a surgery is wayyyyy normal. If you didn’t have some anxiety well… you would be a machine. And though most of us are well run oiled machines… we are also humans.

So no, you are not bonkers because you have anxiety before surgery. You are having surgery. It is normal.

So here is a list of things you can do to help you decrease your anxiety before you have surgery, I’ll explain why it’s important too. I will also keep it light because you need to laugh about it a little even though surgery is very serious…

  1. Breath…

We go through a lot, and finding out you are having surgery can be shocking. Sometimes we forget to breath because we don’t know “what might happen.” Trust that you will be ok. Breathing allows your muscles to get that oxygen that they need to relax and not be so tense. Also, drinking water is important. (But talk to your doctor about what you need to drink or not drink and by when you should stop drinking anything).

  1. If you feel you have to, Cry.

If you have to release your emotions do so! If you have to vent, warn your friend before you start venting so they can be prepared to help you. Don’t get all mad if they are no prepared, find another friend. Call you psychotherapist and set up a session, heck that’s why you pay them for right? 🙂

  1. Keep it positive!

We are humans, and thinking of the worst is something we tend to do! LIKE: WHOOOOOA what am I going to do?! Where is my car?! Hot or cold?? My house! What are my kids going to eat? I can’t cook (some of ya can’t really cook anyways and are talking about I can’t cook for them! LOL). Keep it simple. Keep it calm.

I can tell you from prior experience, it’s hard to do at first, just remind yourself you are an awesome human.

Keeping it positive helps you keep focused. SO…

  1. Make a list of questions.

Ask your doctor and ASK them! This will help with all the “what ifs” which can increase the anxiety. This way you can ask away, talk to the doctor about all your concerns and be honest and that will help you relieve some stress.

  1. Make To do list.

Make a list of the things you have to do before your surgery. Why? Because you need to get yourself organized and focused on yourself because you ARE important, let alone if you have kids and dogs or cats! It will also keep you busy and you will feel ready. JUST don’t focus on the List TOO much. If you have friends who offer you help, take it.

Here is my to do list as an Example (example):

  1. Tell friends and family (If you don’t tell anyone, they will not know and tell them to bring healthy foods only.)

2.Paperwork needed to be done for work.

3.Tell lead intern to gather and give me date and time for meeting.

  1. Pay Bills for next month
  2. Buy dog food.
  3. Clean house, disinfect   (actually cleaning is a great stress reducer, but if you can’t move don’t do it!)
  4. Tell brother/cousin to help with Buddy (Dog, walk morning/night feed).
  5. Buy healthy meals freeze (since you can’t cook as you will be in bed rest).
  6. Update your will, live will… finance will – be graceful and kind.
  7. Take a shower… and eat healthy!
  8. Relax

Do some yoga. Meditate and hang out with friends. Put your phone down. It’s important you make time for you and your family. Don’t get too involved in new things… keep it simple.

  1. Smile. Laugh. Lunch.

Remember you are getting through it. They are going in you to help “fix” the situation. This is part of your healing process. A friend once told me, you don’t have control of what they do, but you do have control of what happens before and after the surgery. And trust your doctors. Make them some good cupcakes before your surgery and create that positive environment… #justsaying

  1. Watch a funny movie.

I recommend you do NOT watch your surgery that sometimes can give you more anxiety because you will have it in your mind over and over and over… and that is exactly what we are trying to help you work through.

  1. Keep it healthy

If you can, work out, stretch your neck (ask your doctor what you can’t and can do). Talk to you Dietitian and ask what you can and cannot eat. And get ready for your healing process. Take a Brisk walk with your kid, partner, dog or cat.

  1. Have faith, whatever you believe trust that you will be ok. And one last thing… leave me a comment with more intel 😀

Smile (if you want to)

Jes Sofia

#HOPE

Sometimes you may feel hopeless. But know that there is always HOPE and something you can find to make Life worth living, It takes a little bit of talk through sometimes, and sometimes its right in front of you. Trust that there is always HOPE in front of you.

If your friend or family or someone calls you and they want to suicide, call 911.

If you are about to suicide or hurt yourself: call 911

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273- TALK (8255)

We ask #WHY, when we should ask #HOW.

Food for thought:

There are many reasons and ways to answer why. Sometimes Why is never really answered and that can be frustrating and then some. Sometimes we ask WHY when the reality is that we should be asking HOW.

We ask WHY God, why people, why life, why Buddy, why you, why me, why this, why that… why why-why… why. You can clearly see WHY asking WHY can be not so helpful (at times). You see asking this word of three letters gets us sitting. INSTEAD of taking ACTION.

So asking HOW the next time you want to ask why.

How is this possible?
How do I get there?
How can I get through this?
How can I get through to them?
How me? (well you would have to ask HOW do I as oppose to WHY me right? )
HOW

This will take you to WHAT (you many need) and WHERE (to do, go) and even WHEN. Go figure.

Part of life is TAKING action for your own life. MAKING sure that you are able to do what you need to. Knowing WHERE to go to make things happen for you, even WHEN.

Try it out, let us HOW that works for you.

Opinions accepted. 🙂

Smile (if you want)

Jes Sofia Valle

Where to begin: The process of #PositiveThinking.

In life,… OoooChild! In life we go through sooooo much. ONE thing I can tell you on this Post is that the way you choose to think after something happens, its what you make of it. You can make a hard situation harder, or you can acknowledged that something good may come out of that situation.

Here are Five simple steps to help you begin your positive Journey:

1. OBSERVE the positive: 

Take a moment and ask yourself what are the people, things, behaviors and words that people say that are positive, and leave it at that (for now). Don’t go all worry wards and begin to think of the negative. Keep it at the positive. If you are a people watcher, don’t be jelly or caddy… really acknowledged and observe what makes people, your surrounding, the people around you positive.

Avoid saying, for Example: I love that about you, BUT i …. or I think thats awesome BUT… see what happens is that BUT negates everything you said before that was positive. Keep it simple. I like that. I love your sense of style. I like how you cook.  NOT,I like how you cook BUT you could have added more salt. You know what people are saying to themselves when you say that? Here it goes… They are saying… “well darn it! you cook and how about you put your own damn salt!” You know most are. However, if you just say I liked your cooking. They will think “Oh she/he appreciates my co” AND do it genuinely. Because people can tell when you are faking it. (yes and this is just step one).

Summary of one: Keep it simple (unlike what I just did…LOL) I like….I think (insert positive).

2. Positive Writing

Take a journal and every morning or evening or lunch time… take 10-20 minutes to write down what you observed that was positive. What you witnessed that was positive. If you have children, write down the positives, if you have a spouse, write down hers/his positives down. Write down your positives. Again, let go of the worry or the “buts” and the “what ifs” and focus ONLY on the positives. It takes practice, you nor am I perfect… but you can do this.

Mental note helps. More so, by actually writing it, you are allowing your body to become synced with your positive thoughts. You are now feeling the positive. You are feeling the pen or pencil that is in fact putting out what you are thinking and making it more concrete. More real, it is no longer just a thought. It’s on paper.

*For families here is an idea: Take a paper lunch bag, have everyone design it in a family setting and everyday place a POSITIVE note (ONLY) in your family’s lunch bag. At the end of the day or week, read what awesome things your family members have thought about you.

3. Talk the Positive you observed and wrote.  

Positive Self-Statements

First and up most, learn to give yourself a positive kudo. SOMETIMES…MOST TIMES if you are not saying, thinking, feeling positives about yourself, then you probably are not saying positives about others. Just saying… its known to be a behavioral pattern.

So begin with Positive self-statements.  I like what I’m wearing, I like that I can laugh, I like that I’m learning to be a positive person… Use “I” statements, And throw in some (a lot of)  Love… I love that I am a good woman/man. I love that I am alive, I love that I can cook, clean, do an awesome job (insert your job/work duties here) and I love that I can say I love! 🙂

4. Continue to talk positives. 

Positive Statements 

Now, steps three and four are usually interchanged. Why? because (based on providing therapeutic experience)  most people who don’t think positive can talk about other’s positives first before talking about themselves or admitting their awesome-ness to their selves. And that is awesome. AS LONG as you work on your self too! I mean how can you tell someone their are awesome, and not see yourself for being awesome. That saying, “It takes one to know one?” well… it takes an awesome person to acknowledge an awesome person. Its in you.

Tell being what you see that’s awesome about them or something they like. I tend to be random because it makes people smile. I usually say “I think that dress, tie, looks good on you. Your rocking’ it!” Of course if i thinking it too. I have to be honest, most women tend to be able to give other women props for looking good. And it may be seen different with men. But hey! if your single ready to mingle, stroke that ego! stroke that ego!!! LOL

and Lastly

5. Believe in the positive. 

Have conversations in a positive format. 

Sometimes we lose practice of observing, recognizing, acknowledging, admitting, stating, reporting, living ours and other’s positivity that we become brittle folks. Don’t become a Brittle folk! Enjoy life. I mean your breathing for goodness sakes! Make sure you take advantage of that. Live, believe it and show it! I mean I’m Thirty *cough cough* something and I can’t believe I’m already in my thirties. now imagine you, you are either younger or more Mature (yeah you know you liked that!) than me, so make it good. Make it happen! Make is positive! Make it you! Make it life.

and

Smile (if you want to)

Jes Sofia Valle 

Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

By Renata Klabacha, MA, LMFT

September is known to most people as end of summer and back to school time. A few years ago it took on a new meaning; Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. My best friend’s daughter Carolina was diagnosed with leukemia. It was devastating and frightening for my friend and her family. However, Carolina’s treatments have been going very well and everyone is hopeful that it will continue. No small feat for a seven year old, but she’s a sassy, strong warrior. Check out her Facebook page, Carolina’s Cause.
As a mental health professional, I understand that any major health diagnosis can wreak havoc on a family. It is common to cause misbehaviors, drop in grades, conflicts with others, and even depression. Not just in the patient, but siblings as well. Parents may have more arguments due to all the stressors and self-care is extremely important. It is crucial for parents to maintain structure and discipline. This will be very tough, because as parents, during a child’s illness we want to be comforting, not authoritative. However, being that solid rock is exactly what a child needs at this time. It’s critical for the child (and siblings) to understand that rules still apply and that their illness doesn’t give them a pass on good behaviors. That being said, parents will need to learn the new balancing act of assessing misbehaviors, determining what can be ignored or what might be a side-effect and thus, what needs to be addressed. It’s necessary during this time to reach out to support systems and community resources. Mental health counseling with a medical social worker can assist the patient and family in navigating any heartbreaking diagnosis and aid families in creating a new “normal level” of family functioning. The adjustment time for every family will be different, but it can also strengthen the family bond and build resiliency. The social workers or counselors can connect families to support groups, camps, counseling, advocate with insurance plans and psycho-educate about federal or state benefit laws.
So as September comes to an end, please join the event “Turn Facebook Orange and Gold For the Month of September!!!” in order to bring awareness to Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. To learn more about childhood cancer, please visit Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. They are making tremendous strides in treating children’s cancer through research and community outreach.
http://www.chop.edu/service/oncology/childhood-cancer-awareness/childhood-cancer-awareness-infographic.html#.Uh6Anicjcwo.facebook          
Renata Klabacha, MA, LMFT

Child and Family Therapist, Chicago IL.

Emotionally Ready for School

By Renata Klabacha, LMFT

Whether it’s first day of preschool or first semester of college, children experience a wide range of emotions about returning to school; anxiety, excitement, hope and fear. It’s important to have a conversation to normalize and validate all their feelings.
Many kids are excited and look forward to seeing friends that they haven’t seen during the summer. They get to catch up and share summer adventures. Some children might be nervous to make new friends after a move while others worry that old friends won’t like them anymore. Parents can assure children that many kids feel the same and review how to make or keep friends. The Golden Rule applies to all ages; be kind, friendly, respectful and most of all be themselves. Have your child identify qualities that they possess that others appreciate and enjoy. As your child recognizes these characteristics their self-confidence and self-worth with grow, melting away any fears.
Children also worry about their academic performance. Again validate and normalize their fears. Remind your child that the school’s job is to challenge them and build on their previous knowledge. Explain to your child, that you expect them to have some struggles. This is normal and learning something new can be very difficult. Have your child identify times that they have struggles with an activity and how it got easier as they keep trying. Children with learning disabilities can be very sensitive to any criticism. Inform the teacher of the child’s learning struggles early on and maintain in contact throughout the school year to assure your child is getting the attention he or she needs. With your child, create a list of people who can help and encourage your child to ask for help often. Praise them when they do ask for help. Remind children that they are not competing with other students, they are completing with themselves.
Unfortunately children who have been bullied fear and hate going back to school. Empower your child by role-playing ways to use their voice and stand up to bullies. If your child struggles to protect themselves, reach out to teachers, school staff, and administration for assistance. Outside of school, enroll your child in an activity that makes them feel strong and confident. Any type of martial arts can make a huge difference. It helps a child learn how to physically defend themselves. Rarely, do children use their new martial arts skills to hurt others, since it is not a part of the philosophy. This allows them to better access the situation with the bully, know when to walk away, and brush off any insults; which will make them a less desirable target for bullies. Have your child pass it on, by aiding friends or other students who are also being bullied.
Lastly, find school programs or sports that match your child’s interests. It will build a connection to the school while providing support for parents and student. Assuring that the child will be involved in positive activities.

Hispanic Scholarship Fund


I recently went to an event for the HSF. It was a beautiful event. At the JW Marriott and It presented ten scholarships. It made me happy to see the smile on the student’s faces when they where acknowledged for their hard work.

“HSF scholarship award amounts range from $1,000-$15,000. The average award amount is $2,500 for students attending four-year institutions and $1,250 for students attending two-year institutions.”

This year’s Corporate Sponsors where Wells Fargo and Target.

The awards that the students won at the event are in addition to scholarships that they have already received. Karen Villegas, the Female Scholar of the Year winner for a Gates Millennium Scholar and has received a good through graduation scholarship. 

HSF award on average 3,000 students per year for a total of 60,000 and $430 million since 1975. 

You can Donate Today: https://my.hsf.net/en/donations/donate#/donate

See more at: http://hsf.net/en/resources/faqs/general-questions/#sthash.WhwrVods.dpuf

Ford Ecoboost Challenge

Last week I had the opportunity to take the Ford Coast-to-Coast Ecoboost Challenge at Santa Anita Park in the LA area and let me tell you, it was pretty great!

fordedochalange2

I arrived at around 9:30am to the designated location which was already set and ready to go with the lineup of Ford’s newest cars and a series of courses made up of orange cones to begin the endeavor of test driving in the beautiful California weather.

Among the cars that I had the chance to drive were the Ford Fusion, Ford Escape (which I’ve had the opportunity to drive in the past and is probably my favorite!), and the Ford F-150. I’m going to be honest for a second and tell you that I am not a car expert but Ford personnel made it a point to address any questions and concerns I had in terms that I could understand so Ford definitely gets some major cool points from me. Getting behind the wheel of Ford’s newest models and testing out their potential in their custom tracks definitely has me considering the purchase of one when the time comes.

ford2

The real winning activity, however, was the Ford Hybrid Challenge. I have never driven a hybrid before but had general knowledge of how these innovative cars are great for the environment (kudos Ford for going green!). I was definitely intrigued and I could not leave the event without getting behind the wheel of the Ford C-Max! I was also relieved to have a Ford employee in the passenger seat in this custom course, which definitely calmed my nerves. The C-Max feels great when you’re behind the wheel, by the way. There is a sense of control when you’re driving and had I not been told that I’d be driving a hybrid, I would not have known the difference between this car and a traditional gas car.

fordedochalange

All in all I had a blast taking Ford’s Ecoboost Challenge. What interests me the most about  Ford’s new models are their promise of fuel efficiency, which at this point and time is a win for everyone in California!