Mental Health

Being…

Authentically you (be warned this is a post you read after coffee).

I usually find it easy to be myself. Until I get sick or trapped in my own self.

Have you ever felt this? Where you are on a roll, and then life happens. Simple allergies that feel like that are overtaking your body like a…(ready a long run-on sentence because my grammar is Bitbantersexy…lol) norovisrus covid PTSD moment coughing frenzy comes and you are now left in bed talking to your friends instead of being with them but you already had plans to go visit some awesome nature park but can’t because your coughing off a storm and its windy and who knows when your body will recover. Yes, this happens to many of us in spring, all because they want to grow, little beautiful flowers. The pollen is in full bloom and then… bam! Achoo!

And the first question that comes out of people’s mind is, she is sick Have COVID? You would think that a few years after such pandemic, we have been able to reduce that question. However, it’s the first questions that comes to our mind. It makes me wonder how people during the depression felt and how long they take those lessons of life with them throughout life. And how drastic those thoughts are to whom the depression did not affect them (The Psychology of Money, gave me that thought). It’s what takes being…to a whole new level. Mind you, we take being to our own level, we raise our own bars (enter a friend telling me “Get a bar.”). We elevate who we are with, who we are talking to, and who we allow to be in our lives. And we allow them to bring us up too (If we let them). So when it comes to being authentic, and then get sick and feel trapped, we must muster through the fields of whatever our minds are going through and unstrap ourselves by allow a little virus we got from a kid who was probably sick and left the virus germ on a door knob that your opened to go an help someone else as your finish your round up (this I statement I started using recently ‘:-) Round up).

Being Sick

It’s funny how our body attack can change our thinking. Weather (storm lol) it be because of how we just feel like MEEEEEHHHH or because we place this idea in our mind that we are trapped and HAVE to stay in bed to recuperate and let this body that has gone through so many wars already go through something like so again. But is it really a war? (Just saying, it’s a cough that made you have bronchio spams… altering your voice so that you have sexy voice…I mean lol).

But regardless of being any type of sick or having a chronic illness, being you at that moment and time is because of something, or it may even help someone else.

Being Authentically You

I’ve learned this the hard way, that being you, with whom you are with will allow anything to happen. I met up with an old friend and I warned her I was not my best, yet even sick, I had the most incredible talk about something and everything. She understood me, in different ways because we just understand each other. The right people come to us when we least expect it. I just spoke to someone today, and he provided the sense of love, calm, and peace I needed to get through a bronchio-spasm asthmatic moment comes in and laughter comes in. I mean it gets better when you allow people whom your instincts tell you are worth being in your life. When you can be yourself with someone and they just smile, laugh, or don’t try to change you…and allow you to be…you. These moments are called elevating human energy. And this is something I’m defiantly interested in.

When you allow people and you come with who you are at that moment. And you allow yourself to be you… so much can happen. Yes, even if you are feeling trapped in your body and feeling sick. Giving positive energy is reciprocated with the people that are meant to be in your life and vice versa. And like with everything, always know your boundaries. You don’t want to get overused either. Everything with good measure.

I’m out to get some rest and sleep to have more of that energy stuff and help humans get to where they want to get to, Healthy too. Make it a great (enter when you are reading this)! (If you want). -Jes

Being Kind

For many, the act of kindness is everyday. For others, it’s been a difficult time to learn how to be kind. Neither is right or wrong. The fact that you are trying says a lot about your wanted ability. Like with everything, for some it takes lots of practice, and in practicing you end up learning more about yourself. Now, learning some hard stuff about yourself isn’t always a positive, so I recommend that if you are not use to doing this, to go to a therapist to help you process learning how to be kind. It can be tough and again, that is normal.

Learn to be kind to yourself First

So how are you kind to yourself first?

When you feel something is off, trust your instincts.

When life gives you options, do what you feel will make you feel happiest with not regrets (ie don’t choose drugs over a good run to bring your adrenaline up)

When upset at yourself, give your self grace because you are either about to learn a lesson, or you just finished learning a lesson. Ask yourself what did I learn from this so I won’t go through it again.

When you have to make a hard choice, be happy that you have choices to make.

What if you have a done something horrible?
call a therapist and talk it through. Life is to short to not work it out with yourself and someone that is trained to understand.
when you have doubts… write them down.
come back to them and revisit when you’ve given yourself a day or two to think it through.

If this is stressful? Make a cake , do some yoga and deep breathing 😮‍💨 know that all will be well and you’ve got this! Be kind to you. Once you begin to be kind to you all starts to fall into place.

Once you’ve practiced to be kind to you, then you will know and have grace to be kind to others.

Finding a Good Therapist For Your Child

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To look for a child therapist can be nerve-wracking. Try not to let this deter you from getting the treatment your child needs. There are ways to find a therapist that is a good fit for your child and yourself.

Practical ways to find a good therapist for your child and you:

Talk with your friends and family to see if they have any recommendations of therapists they have found helpful for their children and families.
Check with your insurance provider for a list of therapist and begin calling those on the list
Ask your primary care physician or pediatrician for a recommendation.
Search the internet for local providers.
Verify that the therapist has a clean record through the state licensing department such as the Board of Behavioral Sciences in California (https://www.breeze.ca.gov/datamart/selSearchTypeCADCA.do?from=loginPage)

Questions to ask a potential therapist:

Do they have experience working with the age group of your child?
What is their theoretical framework? Have them explain how they feel it can help your child. Have them explain the pros and cons of their treatment
Do they appear comfortable and okay with your questions? If they seem defensive or judgmental then they likely are not a good fit.
1. Don’t feel offended if they don’t want to answer personal questions, they are trained to make it all about you, not them.
Are they open to including you in part of the treatment; family sessions, parenting collateral?
Are they doing a complete assessment; asking about family history, current family composition, academic, and social functioning? These are all important in developing a sound diagnosis and treatment planning.
Are they letting you know what the treatment is and obtaining your input, seeing if you have any concerns, and inquiring of your ideas of the possible problems and what the outcome is that you would like?
Are they able to develop a good relationship with your child and you?

Know your rights!

If you do not feel a therapist is a good fit, you have the right to request a different one!

For more information on finding a good therapist, check these additional resources

http://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/children/treatment/choosing-therapist-your-child

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/nurturing-resilience/201011/finding-great-therapist-your-child

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/daniela-tempesta-lcsw/how-to-pick-a-therapist_b_4571857.html

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/01/26/10-ways-to-find-a-good-therapist/

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist

Michelle Natale LMFT

Michelle is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been working with youth and families for over 17 years.

Michelle graduated from Chapman University with her Masters in Psychology; emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy.

Michelle earned her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from California State University at Northridge.

Why a Pet?

Most people have a pet. Whether it be a Dog, cat, birth, iguana… you name it. We have them. And they make us happy, frustrated, annoyed, excited… they make us feel. They come with responsibility and remind us to be accountable for ourselves.

At least that’s what I’ve learned with having Max from his 4th day of life. I actually took Max to the doctor early on to the vet because he came from a scary mom that was doing her nature thing in eating her babies for some reason or another. So the neighbor rescued whoever he could, and I could only save one of the two because I wasn’t that kind of doctor! Back to taking him to the doctor, he said he was too little and would not survive the slash on his head and eyelid made by his biological mother. Welp, I used the the skills I learned at UCLA rotations in high school, and did butterfly stitches to close his wounds and did lots of research on how to feed him. I also called brewery farms to find out why he wasn’t pooping, and they told me how to do enemas on one week old puppies. I didn’t sleep for many days because I was up every two hours feeding him. I mean, if anything, i’m glad we were confined to indoors back then during them covid days, year ago (last year). Because Lord knows I was not sleeping, and i begged my mom to take puppy for a few hours while I slept. And as he healed, I took pictures, it was him and I and my family. Everyone loved him. He was a lot of work. And I read all sorts of dog blog post, called vets, asked questions and lord oh lord did i ask questions. I got him Pet insurance, and i went back to work because i had to feed this new pup and get him doggy insurance. I don’t regret working and listen to people while they were horrified of what was going on due to covid. Even though i had my own fears because i’m immune compromised. But i had a new mouth to feed. He was something else. brough lots of joy just being around him. He still does, even though he’s much faster than I am now a days. I cannot run with him because i can’t physically run, but i do go on strolls with him. I’m teaching him how to go the the same treadmills and I walk on (separately of course), and I’m very happy to come home and have someone to feed. He brings lots of joy. I mean, this morning, he was on the side of my bed waiting for me to get up so we can go out for a play outside, and for food (that he chose not to eat) because the chicken wasn’t done for me to add to his meal. (just like a child). But he doesn’t speak, and figuing him out has been awesome. I tell him to show me what he wants and he takes me to where and why. When he’s mad at me, i know because he will go to the bathroom trash can and throw it on the floor in front of the main door. When i’m looking for something and I can’t find it, he usually places it in front of the door when i’m home so i can look for it. so it can be a blessing because he’s mad and will act like a teenager, or a blessing because he found what i’m looking for. He is highly intelligent. I mean what german shepard and husky isn’t? Anywho, this is a little note to remind people that Dog are not just pets, they can be so much more if you let them. Buddy, my last dog who passed away a year ago (after living 24.5 years), got the opportunity to teach him all his training on how to let me know when my sugar was low. Buddy use to bring me a toy bread when i was starting to get low. Now Max brings me a specific snoopy when i’m going low. Go figure. I’m happy Buddy was able to teach him, and Max is always sniffing my inner elbow (what is that called again?) to make sure i’m ok. There is a lot that that comes with taking care of others, especially when a pet takes care of you back. So if you are thinking of a pet, make sure you are ready for one, financially, and emotionally. The more you love them, the more they protect you. Ok, i’m just writing to write because i’ve not written in a very long time, of which you will read of eventually.

So why a PET?

They are an amazing form of unconditional love, that make you grow into a more awesome human because you have to keep it alive and they bring lots of joy to your life. If you are willing to work for one that is…

Have a good week. Make it all the best this week, for you and if you have a pet, for your pet too.

xoxo Jes Sofia V.

https://www.instagram.com/maxvpuppy

Iron Deficiency Anemia: The Feels of it all

I recently when through infusions for Iron Deficiency Anemia a long and interesting process. I can tell you this… OUCH! and Ahhhh-ayeeee! Where words I used when I was going through the process. So earlier this year I took some time because there were many variables telling me to rest. I had just come back from rest, and yet, I did not feel rested. Working with families and communities can be a lot, and it wasn’t what was keeping me tired, because I felt alive while helping. How can I help others when I kept coughing and feeling low of energy? There was something else, something I felt was not right. Month after month I kept feeling tired and had continued low energy. My atoms, neurons, and connections did not seem to be working, I was not my bubbly, energy fused me. I tried very hard to continue me…but that in itself made me sad because it was no longer normal. I wasn’t able to pass test that I was taking, I felt depleted, distracted and some depressive symptoms fell upon me. I didn’t know what it was, I knew I didn’t suffer from depression, or maybe it was my first episode, I thought. I knew all the symptoms after diagnosing many people after ten years as Marriage and Family Therapist, and I knew how they looked on others. I was dumb founded that I was feeling this low of energy. I wasn’t motivated. I wasn’t doing the same in all areas of my life. So I looked through Depression symptoms: (The pink I felt)

“Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches” (Mayo Clinic, 2017 1)

I sought help. I called my doctor and we could not understand why my asthma had increased, why I was coughing so much, why my head hurt, by body ached and my spine and muscles where flaring up (had two prior spine surgeries). I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. When he took my blood (Red Life Syrup), he was scared for my life. My Red Life syrup was like OMGOSH YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A ZOMBIE! Well…maybe a Vampire!… as I needed life syrup. 0.o The counts…they where low (no pun intended, well maybe), more than Half low in life syrup I was informed, and my Iron numbers where also super low. I had elevated numbers of inflammation and so I was treated for a chest infection, and ear infection with anti-biotic and loads of cranberry juice and green juice where my friend. I joined an amazing support group online to see “What the heck!!!” lol My doctors were amazing and they had me on Iron 325 mg 3xs daily and loads of greens and iron foods. I even opened up to my Facebook friends and I was even cooking on an Iron skillet thanks to my Register dietitian friends advice.

I was like, WOW, really lady?! My doctor who knows me very well personality, positivity and all that comes with my awesome self package was like “this is not you.” For him to tell me he was scared, I got permission to worry. I looked and felt depleted. Dark circles under my eyes, shaking like I was with Chanklas (sandals) and a robe in the snow and my nails where purple, always braking and I felt brittle. I couldn’t sleep and I felt pain. You would think I could sleep long ends, but it was the opposite. I went for days without sleep. I took Netflix and Chill to a whole new level… LOL It was me and Pillow. When I felt energy I ran to Mr. Snow. Where my Chills and shaking looked normal and being Blue was a normal thing. I felt like I was breathing clean air, and breathing hard was normal. I thought it was just pollution messing me up sometimes too. And when I slept, thanks to Norcos due to pain, I woke up feeling drowsy, muggy, like I just got up from being dead. I wasn’t me. I kept feeling buzzed, like I had taken two cups of wine instead of one, even when not on pain meds.

@-@

“Iron deficiency anemia is a common type of anemia — a condition in which blood lacks adequate healthy red blood cells. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the body’s tissues.” (Mayo Clinic, 2017)

“Initially, iron deficiency anemia can be so mild that it goes unnoticed. But as the body becomes more deficient in iron and anemia worsens, the signs and symptoms intensify.

Iron deficiency anemia signs and symptoms may include:

Extreme fatigue
Weakness
Pale skin
Chest pain, fast heartbeat or shortness of breath
Headache, dizziness or lightheadedness
Cold hands and feet
Inflammation or soreness of your tongue
Brittle nails
Unusual cravings for non-nutritive substances, such as ice, dirt or starch
Poor appetite, especially in infants and children with iron deficiency anemia” (Mayo Clinic, 2017)

After months of diagnosing and waiting for my body to heal, medicines that stopped my Life Syrup depletions monthly and loads of abdominal checks, I had a small surgery in hopes that was the cause of why… and after that I still felt low. I had iron infusion therapy, the red pill was not working and eating greens and healthy Iron filled foods where like nothing. So Therapy it was, where I was placed in a large room with others going through similar weakness, and others going through becoming weaker battling cancer and other conditions… I then understood that Anemia was not like any other battle, and when others said “OH ITS JUST MY ANEMIA” I understood that they had found their peace to being ironwomen and ironmen. I understood that it was a battle for your life on an everyday scale and sadness and emotions that came with it where due to the health diagnosis. After all, our thoughts are fused with our body as our brain is held in it. I had diagnosed “due to General Medical Condition” I understood it from an educational level and years of observation… and now, I knew of it as experienced it. It’s both mental and physical staying alive. I never understood why there was such separation. Thank God I am bubbly again. I feel energy and I’m exercising and being once with nature and hike daily walks again. I have my bad and good days like anyone else… but I get through it. I’ll begin to work again and yours and My prayers worked, and God made some amazing doctors to help me through my process.

Get help when you don’t feel like yourself.

Sharing is Caring: My doctors

Smile (if you want),

Jes

Receiving Constructive Criticism in Relationships

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Many of us may know how to deal out constructive criticism in a loving manner, what about when the roles are switched and you are being criticized? No matter how nicely you are told you are doing something wrong or could do better, it is still a blow to the self-esteem and can be difficult to receive. Here are some tips to soften the blow and continue on the path of improvement:

Use active listening: actually listen to what is being said to you. This is without becoming defensive and plotting a response.
Empathize: Try to put yourself in their shoes as you are hearing what you do wrong. Think about how it would make you feel if you were on the receiving end
Re-frame the criticism: Try to take what is being said to you (especially if not constructively doled out) and reframe it to a more positive perspective. This is a way to lessen the blow yourself. Remind yourself that your partner loves you and this is being said because they don’t want to feel resentment.
Check your own feelings before responding: if you are feeling upset, revisit 1-3, take some deep breaths, some time, or even ask for space to absorb what was said.
Provide your feedback: thank them for trusting you enough to share this! It takes trust and faith that one can accept the criticism and is often just as difficult to deliver it to those we love as it is to receive it. Use your ‘I-statements’ and share how you feel in a thoughtful and constructive manner.

Honestly try: Honestly try to give your partner what was just requested. If you find yourself struggling, share this with your partner and try to work together to find a healthy compromise that will work for the both of you.

http://marriagecounselingblog.com/marriage-counseling/responding-to-criticism-lovingly/

http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/0/7_guidelines_for_accepting_constructive_criticism.aspx

http://www.advance.latech.edu/pdf/Learning_To_Take_Constructive_Criticism_In_Stride.pdf

How to Trust Again

Trust is essential to all healthy relationships. Trust can be difficult to obtain and very quickly broken. As a couple’s counselor I work with couples who want to trust each other. They have so many questions: whether they can trust each other in daily household tasks, whether they can be emotionally vulnerable to each other, whether fidelity is a possibility, etc. Without trust relationships will not flourish to their potential.

Dr. John Gottman, an expert researcher and educator on marriages and families states that “trust is central to what makes human communities work”. Dr. Gottman states that trust is built on what he called “sliding door moments”. These are moments are found every day. For example, you are focused on a particular task i.e. watching a movie and noticed that your partner looks sad. You have two choices: ask what is wrong or watch your movie. To stop and ask what is the matter: that is a moment where you are building trust. It is subtle and quite fleeting but sends the message: “I am paying attention and I am here.”

Graduate student Dan Yoshimoto, who closely works with Dr. Gottman summarized that the basis for trust and therefore rebuilding that trust is found in the acronym ATTUNE. To become attuned means to consciously and intentionally be present. So, I have outline some tips to help you become attuned with in your relationship.

1.Pay attention to your partner’s emotions. If you are unclear ask your partner how they are feeling.

2.Identify how you are feeling. Take ownership of your emotions by using “I statements”.

3.Recognize that there are two points of views: theirs and yours.

4.Never resort to name calling or putdowns.

5.Stay on topic. The present situation does not warrant bringing up unresolved issues.

6.Be empathic to your partner

Trust can be fortified every day and if you are are ATTUNED to one another.

Resources

Gottman, John and Nan Silver. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books, 2015. Print.

Gottman, John. The Science of Trust. New York: W.W Norton & Company,LLC, 2011. Print.

BOH Blogger: Yaritza

Yaritza Zayas, MS, MFT, LPC

www.thesharecenter.net

Yaritza Zayas, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor . She is co-owner of SHARE Counseling & Therapy Services™, a private practice in Philadelphia, Pa. Yaritza graduated from Temple University with her B.S. in Human Biology and a minor in Anthropology. She earned her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Holy Family University.

Travel can help decrease stress

This past summer I met a nurse from London. No… not like that. He was totally gay! He was amazing in taking care of me… he told me all about London and how I must go one day. And I think there is something to it. To travel abroad, to London. There is something about getting away that helps make everything better. Call me an ambivert. I love to be social but I gain energy being alone instead. I think this is what a lot of people don’t understand about me… I can be both an extrovert and an introvert. It’s a balance I hold near and dear, one I foster in front of the fire place along instead.

Anyways, to travel and relax and get to know new people and explore anew city! Maybe do France instead. Maybe so Spain again. Ever want to do that?

Last Month I did Mammoth Lakes… Amazing! Do you love the snow as much as I do? …. ?⛷I had so much fun! Totally relaxed and chilled! The gorgeousness help too… ?☃️

Send me pictures from your trips! I’ll love to hear your stories and allow them to be memories of your joy in bed and breakfasts … here how to choose to go ahead:

1. Point in a map where you want to go.
2. Do some research what you can do where you want to go. Then, narrow your list to just a few things.
3. Buy your tickets and if your planning for next year… save save save separately for your trip.
4. Find and air bnb or depending on your finding a place to call home base away
5. Tell your family where you will be.
6. Get on the plane or travel machine and go ahead.
7. Enjoy yourself and let yourself be instead.

Enjoy your travel.

Smile (if you want to)
Jes

Life Testing

Everyday I wake up and think… what should I write about today? Should I do research, should I spellcheck… hey, should I find someone to inspire me today…

So I decided to just write from my heart this year. And off we go to our second post instead. That’s whole blogger thing, ya know? 😉

You know, going through testing In life has to be one of the most difficult things we go through in life… a test. Not to demise a medical test or any other test…? but a test of life. I’ve noticed, that life tests us often and sometimes we don’t know what to do… and we freak out, we cry instead. ? It’s true!! And there is nothing wrong with it, it’s actually healing to cry at loss, because it’s something that you cared for, or someone that gave you breathe. Nevertheless, testing comes… and something I’ve also realized is that we learned something as young kids from long long ago… we we fall or get tradgically tested, we still can get up. We might get bruised up, we might get a bump on our heads… but yet we continue to strive ahead. As we get older some of us will learn to walk with crutches, with wheelchairs and most of us with our legs… but the point of it all as the we learned early lessons. Early lessons to let us keep going ahead.

I hope this reminder helps you to keep forward, keep moving ahead.

Smile (if you want)
Jes

#Entrepreneurial Life Coaching

I remember this time last year, I was stuck in my corporate job hating the very thing that I loved. Have you ever finally made it to your goal destination and it didn’t feel or look like what you had anticipated? I was finally in my career, but somehow the journey didn’t look the way I thought it was supposed to.

I ended up going out on a 6-week stress leave and that’s when I had to rediscover myself and find out what I truly wanted. I questioned the very thing that I felt like I was built for. I had feelings of guilt for changing directions professionally and I felt like I would be betraying my peers if I did something different. I had a serious conversation with God about the direction I was supposed to go in, because things felt as if they were falling apart.

Thing is, I knew that there was a shift coming and that I’d be out of this draining full time job soon. But I surely didn’t expect it to happen the way it did. Let’s just say that after spending months exploring what I really wanted my business to look like, a repossessed car and struggling to pay rent, I was separated from my job!

I was finally free!!! I had let go of my self-imposed obligations that I HAD to be a therapist, and focused on building my coaching business. I’ve learned so much since my launch and my business has evolved several times over the last 9 months. I set out & conquered the daily mindset shenanigans that come with the entrepreneurial journey. I revamped over and over, until I finally implemented a winning strategy.

Your journey is ever-evolving and you must LET GO OF ANY SELF-IMPOSED OBLIGATIONS. One of the major lessons I have learned is to embrace the journey! Because without all of the failures, disappointments and frustrations, I wouldn’t have been able to develop the greatness that I now hold.

I now see how every set back was a set up for greatness!! I now help entrepreneurs conquer emotional & mental challenges that are affecting the productivity & profitability of their business. But had I not overcome those internal challenges, I would have never manifested the external rewards. So today, I encourage you to embrace the journey, because without the journey, the destination is meaningless.

Candace M. Gray M.S. is a Entrepreneurial Coach. With a background in Mental Health and Social Services, she has learned to take her therapeutic skills and apply them to the entrepreneurial world. Candace now helps other entrepreneurs conquer the emotional & mental challenges that are affecting the productivity and profitability of their business. Candace has inspired countless people to live their lives to their fullest potential, obliterating fears and walking in confidence.

Candace helps entrepreneurs through her Your Abundant Life program where she partners with them for 4 weeks or 3 months to overcome the mindset obstacles that are keeping them stuck. She helps them understand that until they process their internal blocks, they will not see the external manifestations they want. Want a taste test of what it’s like to work with Candace? Let her help you find your freedom at: bit.do/freecallwithcandace

You can also find Candace at www.rophehealing.com