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Review on Aggressive Vs. Assertive

I find myself meeting a lot of people in this time of my life. Some have not learned the line between Being aggressive and assertive.  As you all know, I work with MANY types of personalities and I’ve found how to work with almost all. It is always interesting when someone tells me I’m not aggressive enough. Why? The need to be assertive is more than enough for me.

A re-cap.

Asserting yourself: This does not mean being being physically and verbally aggressive (What I tend to call Rude).

The lack of assertiveness is sometimes linked to a lack of self-image or prior life experiences. What you think of yourself is what you will project (to place onto) to others. There are many different ways to assert you.

But first:
1. Learn to understand yourself.
2. Think how you would like things to be.
3. What are the best ways to communicate what you want?

Think if the common reasons why you NEED assert yourself.
– How will asserting yourself help you increase your self (general)?

Before you assert yourself, don’t doubt yourself, know your true answer. This means be you, trust your instinct, be the person that you are and know the actions that you will do.

There are three parts of each assertive intervention:
1. Empathy/validation.
2. Statement of problem.
3. Statement of what you want. (read want vs. need)

How to be assertive:
Use assertive body language. Eye to eye, be serious, use facial expression; keep your voice calm and soft, not whiny or abrasive. Speak like you want to be spoken to and hear how you want to be heard.
Do not predict the person’s actions. Or Judge the other person when communicating.
Use the “I”. I want and/or need. I think, I know, WHEN I feel this due to…

Own your expressive thoughts/feeling and opinions. If you speak, know what you are saying. Think before you say something. Sometimes we get wrapped around our emotions or become stubborn with our logical thinking that we forget to own what we say or listen to the other.

Be direct with your wants and/or needs. Details are important here. And again, know what you are asking before speaking.

Sometimes life brings us moments where we need to assert ourselves and we don’t have to time to think about all of this. HOWEVER, the more you practice this in a consistent basis, it will come to you natural to you. It takes 21-23 days to start a habit. Make this a positive habit.

Life Life, Love and Be balanced.

Smile (if you want)

Jes Sofia Valle

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