Tag: Trust

How to Trust Again

 

Trust is essential to all healthy relationships. Trust can be difficult to obtain and very quickly broken. As a couple’s counselor I work with couples who want to trust each other. They have so many questions: whether they can trust each other in daily household tasks, whether they can be emotionally vulnerable to each other, whether fidelity is a possibility, etc. Without trust relationships will not flourish to their potential.

Dr. John Gottman, an expert researcher and educator on marriages and families states that “trust is central to what makes human communities work”. Dr. Gottman states that trust is built on what he called “sliding door moments”. These are moments are found every day. For example, you are focused on a particular task i.e. watching a movie and noticed that your partner looks sad. You have two choices: ask what is wrong or watch your movie. To stop and ask what is the matter: that is a moment where you are building trust. It is subtle and quite fleeting but sends the message: “I am paying attention and I am here.”

Graduate student Dan Yoshimoto, who closely works with Dr. Gottman summarized that the basis for trust and therefore rebuilding that trust is found in the acronym ATTUNE. To become attuned means to consciously and intentionally be present. So, I have outline some tips to help you become attuned with in your relationship.

1.Pay attention to your partner’s emotions. If you are unclear ask your partner how they are feeling.

2.Identify how you are feeling. Take ownership of your emotions by using “I statements”.

3.Recognize that there are two points of views: theirs and yours.

4.Never resort to name calling or putdowns.

5.Stay on topic. The present situation does not warrant bringing up unresolved issues.

6.Be empathic to your partner

Trust can be fortified every day and if you are are ATTUNED to one another.

Resources

Gottman, John and Nan Silver. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books, 2015. Print.

Gottman, John. The Science of Trust. New York: W.W Norton & Company,LLC, 2011. Print.

 

BOH Blogger: Yaritza

yaritza

Yaritza Zayas, MS, MFT, LPC
Yaritza Zayas, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor .   She is co-owner  of SHARE Counseling & Therapy Services™, a private practice in Philadelphia, Pa.  Yaritza graduated from Temple University with her B.S. in Human Biology and a minor in Anthropology. She earned her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Holy Family University.

Validation and Instinct

No matter who you are…or what you do, Validation at some point is an amazing feeling. Saying NO can bring you to Amazing too.

Anecdotal experience here!

I went to an awesome @AvionVentures event at IndieDesk in Downtown Los Angeles. I was there to see how I can take Bloggers of Health to the next level. We are here people! 😀 That’s our current reality right now and we are transparent and like to share so I said, here we go!

There were four amazing PowerHouses speakers there, MC’ed by His own powerhouseness Barney Santos from Gentefy:

Catherine J.K. Sandoval, the first Latina to serve on the California Public Utilities Commission.

Helen Iris Torres, Executive Director, Hispanas Organized for Political Equality

Liliana Monge, Co-Founder, Sabio

Deldelp Medina, Co-Founder & CEO, Avion Ventures

In the workshop I was working on my master plan (Bwahaha < I kid…); more so moving things around I already have to work with for them to make more sense. @Deldep was amazing! The workshop that Avion Ventures provided helped me! It put some screws back in my head.

Then…”and then!” Julia from Wild Horse Labs spoke, taught us what to know about our company/idea (depending on what level we are in) so we can talk to investors and obtain future workers and know how to grow and let go of our business and make that money to help serve our need.

At the end of the event, I spoke to Julia and we were having a great convo about a little bit of everything when our convo hit a validation point for me. She said, “No, you don’t have to work with everyone. No you don’t have to say yes to everyone. And yes have to be able to say No…in a kindly way of course!” Those words gave me chills. When she said those words, I felt so validated! You see I’m one to say no to people who I just don’t feel right working with. And yes to those whom I feel good working with. It doesn’t always have to do with who they are… Some are my friends and I don’t work with them due to ethics or I just know to trust me instinct. It doesn’t mean the other person is the devil… they are just not in my current path for my journey and who knows, they maybe in the future. I like using my instincts. I felt validated! … Even a grown up woman like myself enjoys to be validated for her thinking! This stems from something a few (a lot of people) have told me, “Make sure I play with everyone because Bloggers of Health is a new company.” And I have said thanks for the input, but I don’t play with everyone.

Its not that I don’t like to play with everyone in the sand box, I’m still kind, genuine, honest, silly and will be very nice to everyone including the ant (they are strong little suckers). More so, it’s that “feeling” I get- with whom I am to play with in the sandbox, and whom I don’t want to or shouldn’t play with in the sand box, and I trust my feeling; my instinct. They have gotten me through a lot in life.

When she said, “no you don’t have to work with everyone,” I literally almost cried. Because I felt understood, i was validated. I understood two things from that: 1. No, people don’t have to work to me, but they will want to someday. And 2. No I don’t have to work with people I don’t think will help or work with me the way I want to be helped or worked with. She provided an example: “It’s like dating! (Ha!) You pick and date the best people, not the not good enough for you! And what’s for someone else isn’t always for you.”  Eureka! More validation!  Heck she even spoke to me about my current dating life. Lol. Backtracking, not everyone is meant for you.  Your product is not for everyone. But when you do find someone you love to work with… Well it can be a hit! Ball out of the park, it was all you needed and who you where waiting for… Ha! Just like dating.

This doesn’t mean you burn bridges or cannot foster a relationship… it just means you know what you want for your business…and a partner.

Coming from someone who’s at a different level of Business than I am and hearing those words validated my thought process.

I want you to know that being you, trusting your instincts, your gut feeling, yourself will take you to places you would never think of or they will take you to where you are thinking of right now! (hoping it a positive and great place!)

That no matter what “level” of life you currently live, validation is good. Positive thinking is good. Knowing how to trust your self, your instincts are important. Knowing how to say NO is important! As humans our bodies where built/created to trust our self: our mind, body our heart and soul. I truly think it’s to help us in our journey in life and to stay alive!

So next time you feel that gut instinct of yours telling you something, listen to it. Hear it, and take action or not take action. Don’t over think it too much and don’t let your “amygdala get hijacked” either.

Trust you, be you, listen to you. Allow you and your team to guide you to your next flight. Allow others to help you if you think they are meant to be in your life. And tell yourself that if they didn’t want to work or help you know, however they might want help or work with you later.

Most of us lead our goals in life to survive, and thrive. Me I like to do it with Passion, compassion and a Healthy style. Know how to be teachable and you will learn, live and be amazing!

Thanks Avion Ventures, Sabio.LA, HOPE, CalTech, and Wild Horse Labs for your awesomeness. I appreciated your time and invite.  #LATINATechLA for all.

Smile (if you want).

Kindly,

Jes Sofia Valle

#LifeTips

Shoutouts! @AvionVentures @SabioLA @CalTech @Crowdismo, @Gentefy, @JessieMartinez, @MavenExperiance, and all others there making the Latina Women take their Place at the table.

 

Kindly,

 

Jessica Valle, Founder 
Bloggers of Health, LLC