Tag: Parents

Ten ways to #Advocate for your #Parents

One thing I am noticing is that our bodies become frail as we get older. I mean, that is a given… but you don’t see it until you actually see your parents go through it, and how much you took care of yourself shows as you get older … (this may be partially true).
I’m currently at the point where my parents are going to the doctors more often. They are getting small but significant procedures done and its interesting because they are doing it back to back…meaning, one week my mom, the other week my dad. (Ahhhh :-)!) And I WANT to be there for them, even if by their side in the hospital. Luckily, I have an awesome schedule and my parents schedule their appointments to be the first appointment of the day and I can see clients in the evening, but living a caretaking life is no joke.
I can only imagine what it must be like to be in the shoes of others that cannot accompany their parents to see the doctors. Now that I’m older, I ask… do a lot of parents even get their check ups done?
Luckily to my advantage, our family knows that doctors can actually help. Growing up as a hospital kid, they learned to advocate for me. I guess those tables are turning and its time to advocate/support them. So…Here are…

Ten ways to advocate for your Parents

1. Listen to your parents and to the doctors. They are defining the issues.
A lot of people go to the doctors and don’t use the knowledge the doctors give you – parents tend to do things their way and sometimes forget what the doctor says.
2. Learn to ask for second opinions. Gather information. Sometimes this helps, not only can one doctor miss something, but you gain assurance that its not just your doctor telling you something, its now two or three.
3. Know your rights!
HIPPA (Health InsurancePortability and Accountability Act). Know what the hospital/clinical settings should be doing to protect your parent’s information.
If your parents do not speak English (in the USA), ask for a Translator. Though you may be able to translate, don’t place the burden of having to tell you parents’ things and later feeling emotions due to it. Let a professional do it, its their job, not yours. Also, there may be some medical terminology that sometimes-even professionals can’t comprehend because getting certain news about your parents can be shocking.
4. Have them Ask, Answer and make their own Decisions: Read about the conditions that they have, knowledge is power. They will want to ask you questions. Guide them to ask their doctors…gently/ sometimes sternly depending on how stubborn your parent(s) is/are…lol
Example: “mom/da/grandma, I read that this is what it is (hand them a brochure in their language), but I think you should defiantly ask the doctor as they know a lot more about this subject.”
The reason for this is to empower your parent and help them become advocated for themselves, if not already. This allows them to make an informed decision as oppose to a generalized statement “OK.”
5. Paperwork: Help keep and teach your parent how to keep their paperwork in one binder, so that if they every need anything, its all there. Doctor appointments, past and current medications. Have tabs, Label them, Past and Present. This way if their doctors (new doctors) ask about their history and your parents don’t remember, they have a binder.  Also, you can always ask your treating team for a summary of services (HIPPA).
6. Help your parents set a plan for their health. Ask questions. Its better to ask than to assume. When can they fit in exercise? What can they do or not do (mobility wise). When is their next doctor appointment? What are their general health goals?
If they have a chronic illness, how will the team of doctors treat them? These questions you can ask your parents to ask their doctors. And explain to them that its always good to know what they should expect from the doctors, even though most doctors might say, we will take it one step at a time.
This helps…
7. Be patient, assertive but not aggressive.
Because these are your parents, you will want to get mad at the person who is treating them… this will not help the situation, it will only create more anxiety.  And the whole point of you being there is to support.
A lot of the time, you will see yourself in their reactions, which is normal because…well…. They raised you and you learned things from them. So try to be patient with them and yourself.
8. Review with your parent.  I will warn you, a lot of people who have acute or chronic illness with do one of two things; talk about it like there is no tomorrow, or not talk about it like there is no tomorrow…. Be patient. Be kind and remind yourself that you are there to support not live their life.  This is also where things can get dicey. Because your parent may already know and may not want to review, your binder may help. Casually leaving the binder out might help them review their condition, but regardless, always refer them to talk to their doctors.  Have a talk about it.
9. Remind them of their follow up appointments.
10. Be you. Its good to know yourself, and your positive attributes. Sometimes it’s also good to know if you are not fit to be your parent’s supporter and you need to step away.
Most of the time it’s hard to see our Heroes being frail. If for some reason your parent(s) ask you to be there for them and you don’t feel ready, have a conversation about it. Tell them why you don’t feel capable to help them. Explain it to them. Because with out an explanation, it usually just feels like a rejection or like you don’t want to be there for them.
     11. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO! 
     I know I only said ten, but I added one because its needed.
Well… I wish you luck. And ALWAYS< ALWAYS>ALWAYS contact a doctor for support. Even if you yourself are a doctor. J
 
If your Parents need Insurance Click Here to find out how you can get then insurance.  For Español haga clic aqui. 
Smile (if you want),

Jes Sofia Valle, Founder, MA IMFT

RIGHT NOW! : How to get your kids to do their chores.

 

For ages 2-8

So how many of you out there tell your kids “Do this RIGHT NOW?”  Don’t fret, most all mothers have. You are not alone.
And then how many of you get a response? Or how many of you have to continue to tell your kid over and over and over to the point where you are frustrated and your about to give your child a spanking? …
I see this all the time. Overstressed parents that get frustrated because their kids don’t listen!
But what if you did things differently?  What if there are other ways to help you be less stressed and frustrated?

So here we go:  The secrete words DIRECTIVES and CONSEQUENCES.
What is a Directive?!
That’s you telling your kid what to do. But here is a different way to do this.  But before I teach you, you have to learn it, and then teach it to your child by explaining it to him/her what it is and how it goes. Then you will teach them consequences, I you will learn how to here.

A Directive:

It has three Parts:
1. The “To do”: (ex. Juan goes takes out the trash).
2. TIME: (ex. You have 15 minutes to take it out).
3. Acknowledgement that he will do it: (Thanks).

Juan go take out the trash, you have 15 minutes to do it, Thanks.
So what changed? You gave them time!  You see…right away only frustrated you, not them. But they end up mad at you because “you’re treating them like a (slave/dog/worker/waiter…” so I’ve heard…
Imagine If “I told you, go clean your house RIGHT NOW!” You will be like…

1. Who are you to tell me anything, 2. Mum no. 3. Really.  Can you be more diva about it? Well, well, imagine that! You did not like it. Well imagine if you did not like it, now much less your kid will not like it either!

So this is what you are teaching your child with giving them time. Respect. As a mother and human you are teaching them respect. I mean, maybe they are about to win a video game that they have worked soooooo hard to win. Or they might be in the middle of a math problem, they may even be reading! But most likely they are on their iPad or iPhone kicking with their friends. Regardless you have implemented accountability, responsibility, trust and acknowledgement…all of which work with respect.

AND WHAT IF THEY DON’T LISTEN?

(You have to keep a timer for yourself) AFTER, if they have gone their time, you give them one more minute, but you tell them they have one more minute.

Q. AND IF THEY DON’T listens?

A.You place a consequence.

A consequence is simple. Something your child likes (cannot be daily food intake or anything that are needs). More like (iPad, iPhone, video games, going outside to play, playing with the neighbors, playing board games, etc.

Do not use food as a consequences or reward. You don’t want them to have food issues later in life.
And the consequences should be taken away depending on age.
Like time out for ages 2-7. Depending on their age.

If your child likes to watch cartoons then take it away for their favorite show. If they throw a tantrum, ignore their behaviors. (But make sure they are ok). For older kids it goes the same. Ignore the Negative behaviors and pay attention to the positive ones.
Let me know how that goes.

NOW that you have read this, make sure you explain to them what your will be doing.  Juan, I’m going to start doing something new… I’m going to begin to give you time and this is how it goes.
Explain the three parts of the directives, the extra one minute and then explain the consequence. You know your child better than others (we hope) so talk to them in lay terms.

And Like I say: Consistency is your best friend when it comes to children.

Emotionally Ready for School

By Renata Klabacha, LMFT

Whether it’s first day of preschool or first semester of college, children experience a wide range of emotions about returning to school; anxiety, excitement, hope and fear. It’s important to have a conversation to normalize and validate all their feelings.
Many kids are excited and look forward to seeing friends that they haven’t seen during the summer. They get to catch up and share summer adventures. Some children might be nervous to make new friends after a move while others worry that old friends won’t like them anymore. Parents can assure children that many kids feel the same and review how to make or keep friends. The Golden Rule applies to all ages; be kind, friendly, respectful and most of all be themselves. Have your child identify qualities that they possess that others appreciate and enjoy. As your child recognizes these characteristics their self-confidence and self-worth with grow, melting away any fears.
Children also worry about their academic performance. Again validate and normalize their fears. Remind your child that the school’s job is to challenge them and build on their previous knowledge. Explain to your child, that you expect them to have some struggles. This is normal and learning something new can be very difficult. Have your child identify times that they have struggles with an activity and how it got easier as they keep trying. Children with learning disabilities can be very sensitive to any criticism. Inform the teacher of the child’s learning struggles early on and maintain in contact throughout the school year to assure your child is getting the attention he or she needs. With your child, create a list of people who can help and encourage your child to ask for help often. Praise them when they do ask for help. Remind children that they are not competing with other students, they are completing with themselves.
Unfortunately children who have been bullied fear and hate going back to school. Empower your child by role-playing ways to use their voice and stand up to bullies. If your child struggles to protect themselves, reach out to teachers, school staff, and administration for assistance. Outside of school, enroll your child in an activity that makes them feel strong and confident. Any type of martial arts can make a huge difference. It helps a child learn how to physically defend themselves. Rarely, do children use their new martial arts skills to hurt others, since it is not a part of the philosophy. This allows them to better access the situation with the bully, know when to walk away, and brush off any insults; which will make them a less desirable target for bullies. Have your child pass it on, by aiding friends or other students who are also being bullied.
Lastly, find school programs or sports that match your child’s interests. It will build a connection to the school while providing support for parents and student. Assuring that the child will be involved in positive activities.