Fatherhood – Respecting the Responsibility

Being a dad is the most difficult, mind-racking, exhausting, and frustrating responsibility I’ve ever had. Yet at the same time, fatherhood is definitely the most rewarding, exciting, fulfilling, and unselfish act I have experienced.

I Love it!

Fatherhood has changed dramatically over the years. Where dads, generally speaking, in the past were looked at as incapable of handling a day with the children without mom, today this has changed with full or part-time stay-at-home dads, single dads or active co-caregivers.

Navigating fatherhood can have its challenges. Over the years I’ve learned from my mistakes and my successes. Following are two tips which can help in building and maintaining a strong relationship with your child(ren).
First, don’t panic!
Being a Dad is a 24/7 job, and a life long role. The weight of which is a bit unnerving when you think about it, but its ok.
There is no manual for children, whether born to you, adopted or by marriage. All children are different and they need to be reared based on their individual needs and character.

So don’t panic.
You will make mistakes and they may hurt you and your child, but if you parent to the best of your ability, and love, care, protect, and instruct them for their betterment over the child’s life, the mistakes will be outweighed by care given to them.
Secondly, mistakes will happen; it’s how you respond to them.

We often times want our children to apologize to us for their wrongdoings, but we neglect considering apologizing to them. We as parents are not perfect, even if we think so in our minds.

Side bar…It was long overdue, but I apologized to my daughter when she was a teenager for years of misunderstandings. Best thing I ever did as it opened up healing for both of us, and lead to a stronger relationship today.
Finally, try not to leave a lot of time between mistakes and corrections so whatever negative emotions are smothered before they begin to grow.

We all know it can take years before our children fully understand and appreciate what we attempt to do for their well-being, but I believe how we respond to our mistakes will help them realize much sooner.

In conclusion, always remember to respect the responsibility and enjoy the “gifts” we call our children.


darren

Darren W. Carter is founder of Darrenwcarter.com, a site focusing on Faith, Family, Fatherhood and a lot of Fun!

He is also co-organizer of Cleveland Dads Group, a community of dads in Cleveland, Ohio who are active in their children’s lives and founder of All Geared Up – A Family Bike Event, an event that focuses on family time and healthy lifestyles.

He’s an unconventional dad that shares his life’s journey in hopes that his errors as well as triumphs can be gleaned tidbits, which can help his readers in any way possible.

Mourning

The death of a loved one is one of life’s most stressful events. It can be the catalyst of major emotional crises to those who mourn. Grief is the internal (emotional) reaction to the death of a loved one whereas mourning is the external (behavioral)  reaction of this grief. Whether the death was expect or unaccepted, a variety of emotions arise.  These include but  are not limited to:

  • Denial
  • Disbelief
  • Confusion
  • Shock
  • Sadness
  • Yearning
  • Anger
  • Humiliation
  • Despair
  • Guilt

Historically, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5 Stages of Loss, where readily used to explain grieving; this is no longer practiced to support mourners. There are no strategic stages to grieving. Grief is a journey marked by easier moments and moments of hardship. One never gets over the death of a loved one. We simply learn to live with the loss and learn healthier ways of coping. In essence, creating a new normal.

The intensity and longevity of grieving emotions and mourning behaviors varies; everyone is different in their journey. However, there are strategies a person can use to take care for themselves through the grieving process.

  1. Seek support.  Whether is in the form of friends or relatives or professional help. Seek to express what you are feeling and going through at this time.
  2. Take care of your health. The stress the body goes through after the death of a loved one can lead to physical complications. Make sure to care for your physical well being; be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
  3. Avoid making major life decisions. Give yourself time to adjust to the death. Another change can further complicate your emotional health and further your stress level.
  4. Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.

Remember, with support, patience and effort, you will survive grief. Some day the pain will lessen, leaving you with cherished memories of your loved one.

Resources:

National Alliance for Grieving Children. 2016. Web. 30 Jan 2016.

Gupta, Sanjay. “How Grief Can Make You Sick.” Everydayhealth. Every Day Health Media, LLC. Web. 28 January 2016.

Richardson, Angelle. Personal interview. 29 January 2016

yaritza

Yaritza Zayas, MS, MFT, LPC
Yaritza Zayas, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor .   She is co-owner  of SHARE Counseling & Therapy Services™, a private practice in Philadelphia, Pa.  Yaritza graduated from Temple University with her B.S. in Human Biology and a minor in Anthropology. She earned her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Holy Family University.

Family Time: How to develop the time with Family

By Jes Sofia Valle

One of the things that we forget about first (believe it or not) is spending time with your family. We work so hard, so much for them, that we forget to make time to actually appreciate and enjoy the people we work hard for everyday.

So here are some tips to help begin develop your time with your family:

  1. As the PARENT: find out what is the time your children/Family is available and jot it down.
  2. Find out what your family likes to do individually.
  3. Now combine all their likes (including yours) into what I like to call a #SMASHUP . Definition of a SMASHUP: Make time in one month where everyone gets to try something (hopefully not too expensive) that the other person likes to play with… Mancala, Monopoly, Grand Theft Auto, Bicycle riding, movie watching, cooking, playing football, basketball, making sushi classes? The list can be endless… however, that is a great thing.
  4. Set up a time and meeting.
  5. Make rules for this family time:
    1. No negativity: So no reprimanding, I wanted to talk to you about your grades… (the rules are most of the time are for you the parent).  🙂
    2. Keep it Positive: Example,  That’s awesome!   NOT: That’s awesome, but you should do this or that… :-/
  6. Make it at least two hours.
  7. Put your Social Media Away.  Enjoy the time.
  8. HAVE FUN!

Por Tu Familia

George ‘Urban Jibaro’ Torres
Introducing the Latino Health Project website, a social media driven / user generated clearinghouse of health info with a special focus on Diabetes.
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