Tag: dad

Fatherhood – Respecting the Responsibility

Being a dad is the most difficult, mind-racking, exhausting, and frustrating responsibility I’ve ever had. Yet at the same time, fatherhood is definitely the most rewarding, exciting, fulfilling, and unselfish act I have experienced.

I Love it!

Fatherhood has changed dramatically over the years. Where dads, generally speaking, in the past were looked at as incapable of handling a day with the children without mom, today this has changed with full or part-time stay-at-home dads, single dads or active co-caregivers.

Navigating fatherhood can have its challenges. Over the years I’ve learned from my mistakes and my successes. Following are two tips which can help in building and maintaining a strong relationship with your child(ren).
First, don’t panic!
Being a Dad is a 24/7 job, and a life long role. The weight of which is a bit unnerving when you think about it, but its ok.
There is no manual for children, whether born to you, adopted or by marriage. All children are different and they need to be reared based on their individual needs and character.

So don’t panic.
You will make mistakes and they may hurt you and your child, but if you parent to the best of your ability, and love, care, protect, and instruct them for their betterment over the child’s life, the mistakes will be outweighed by care given to them.
Secondly, mistakes will happen; it’s how you respond to them.

We often times want our children to apologize to us for their wrongdoings, but we neglect considering apologizing to them. We as parents are not perfect, even if we think so in our minds.

Side bar…It was long overdue, but I apologized to my daughter when she was a teenager for years of misunderstandings. Best thing I ever did as it opened up healing for both of us, and lead to a stronger relationship today.
Finally, try not to leave a lot of time between mistakes and corrections so whatever negative emotions are smothered before they begin to grow.

We all know it can take years before our children fully understand and appreciate what we attempt to do for their well-being, but I believe how we respond to our mistakes will help them realize much sooner.

In conclusion, always remember to respect the responsibility and enjoy the “gifts” we call our children.

darren

Darren W. Carter is founder of Darrenwcarter.com, a site focusing on Faith, Family, Fatherhood and a lot of Fun!

He is also co-organizer of Cleveland Dads Group, a community of dads in Cleveland, Ohio who are active in their children’s lives and founder of All Geared Up – A Family Bike Event, an event that focuses on family time and healthy lifestyles.

He’s an unconventional dad that shares his life’s journey in hopes that his errors as well as triumphs can be gleaned tidbits, which can help his readers in any way possible.

RIGHT NOW! : How to get your kids to do their chores.

 

For ages 2-8

So how many of you out there tell your kids “Do this RIGHT NOW?”  Don’t fret, most all mothers have. You are not alone.
And then how many of you get a response? Or how many of you have to continue to tell your kid over and over and over to the point where you are frustrated and your about to give your child a spanking? …
I see this all the time. Overstressed parents that get frustrated because their kids don’t listen!
But what if you did things differently?  What if there are other ways to help you be less stressed and frustrated?

So here we go:  The secrete words DIRECTIVES and CONSEQUENCES.
What is a Directive?!
That’s you telling your kid what to do. But here is a different way to do this.  But before I teach you, you have to learn it, and then teach it to your child by explaining it to him/her what it is and how it goes. Then you will teach them consequences, I you will learn how to here.

A Directive:

It has three Parts:
1. The “To do”: (ex. Juan goes takes out the trash).
2. TIME: (ex. You have 15 minutes to take it out).
3. Acknowledgement that he will do it: (Thanks).

Juan go take out the trash, you have 15 minutes to do it, Thanks.
So what changed? You gave them time!  You see…right away only frustrated you, not them. But they end up mad at you because “you’re treating them like a (slave/dog/worker/waiter…” so I’ve heard…
Imagine If “I told you, go clean your house RIGHT NOW!” You will be like…

1. Who are you to tell me anything, 2. Mum no. 3. Really.  Can you be more diva about it? Well, well, imagine that! You did not like it. Well imagine if you did not like it, now much less your kid will not like it either!

So this is what you are teaching your child with giving them time. Respect. As a mother and human you are teaching them respect. I mean, maybe they are about to win a video game that they have worked soooooo hard to win. Or they might be in the middle of a math problem, they may even be reading! But most likely they are on their iPad or iPhone kicking with their friends. Regardless you have implemented accountability, responsibility, trust and acknowledgement…all of which work with respect.

AND WHAT IF THEY DON’T LISTEN?

(You have to keep a timer for yourself) AFTER, if they have gone their time, you give them one more minute, but you tell them they have one more minute.

Q. AND IF THEY DON’T listens?

A.You place a consequence.

A consequence is simple. Something your child likes (cannot be daily food intake or anything that are needs). More like (iPad, iPhone, video games, going outside to play, playing with the neighbors, playing board games, etc.

Do not use food as a consequences or reward. You don’t want them to have food issues later in life.
And the consequences should be taken away depending on age.
Like time out for ages 2-7. Depending on their age.

If your child likes to watch cartoons then take it away for their favorite show. If they throw a tantrum, ignore their behaviors. (But make sure they are ok). For older kids it goes the same. Ignore the Negative behaviors and pay attention to the positive ones.
Let me know how that goes.

NOW that you have read this, make sure you explain to them what your will be doing.  Juan, I’m going to start doing something new… I’m going to begin to give you time and this is how it goes.
Explain the three parts of the directives, the extra one minute and then explain the consequence. You know your child better than others (we hope) so talk to them in lay terms.

And Like I say: Consistency is your best friend when it comes to children.