children

Finding a Good Therapist For Your Child

To look for a child therapist can be nerve-wracking. Try not to let this deter you from getting the treatment your child needs. There are ways to find a therapist that is a good fit for your child and yourself.

Practical ways to find a good therapist for your child and you:

Talk with your friends and family to see if they have any recommendations of therapists they have found helpful for their children and families.
Check with your insurance provider for a list of therapist and begin calling those on the list
Ask your primary care physician or pediatrician for a recommendation.
Search the internet for local providers.
Verify that the therapist has a clean record through the state licensing department such as the Board of Behavioral Sciences in California (https://www.breeze.ca.gov/datamart/selSearchTypeCADCA.do?from=loginPage)

Questions to ask a potential therapist:

Do they have experience working with the age group of your child?
What is their theoretical framework? Have them explain how they feel it can help your child. Have them explain the pros and cons of their treatment
Do they appear comfortable and okay with your questions? If they seem defensive or judgmental then they likely are not a good fit.
1. Don’t feel offended if they don’t want to answer personal questions, they are trained to make it all about you, not them.
Are they open to including you in part of the treatment; family sessions, parenting collateral?
Are they doing a complete assessment; asking about family history, current family composition, academic, and social functioning? These are all important in developing a sound diagnosis and treatment planning.
Are they letting you know what the treatment is and obtaining your input, seeing if you have any concerns, and inquiring of your ideas of the possible problems and what the outcome is that you would like?
Are they able to develop a good relationship with your child and you?

Know your rights!

If you do not feel a therapist is a good fit, you have the right to request a different one!

For more information on finding a good therapist, check these additional resources

http://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/children/treatment/choosing-therapist-your-child

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/nurturing-resilience/201011/finding-great-therapist-your-child

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/daniela-tempesta-lcsw/how-to-pick-a-therapist_b_4571857.html

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/01/26/10-ways-to-find-a-good-therapist/

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist

Michelle Natale LMFT

Michelle is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been working with youth and families for over 17 years.

Michelle graduated from Chapman University with her Masters in Psychology; emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy.

Michelle earned her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from California State University at Northridge.

It Inject or not to Inject? The #MV Issue.

We recently asked Dr. Arturo Gonzales, Child pediatrician and member of the American Academy of Pediatrics-

What is the most important thing to talk about right now when it comes to children?

He said:

“Measles: Vaccinate your children. It will save them and others against this very contagious and potentially fatal disease. Talk to your Pediatrician or primary care provider.

Vaccines are safe. Tell your friends.” ¹

A lot of people are losing their children because they refused to get their children vaccinated (aka Injected). “Tell your friends” to get their children vaccinated. Save a life.

Reference:

Arturo Gonzalez, MD FAAP

http://www.azaap.org/

RIGHT NOW! : How to get your kids to do their chores.

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For ages 2-8

So how many of you out there tell your kids “Do this RIGHT NOW?” Don’t fret, most all mothers have. You are not alone.
And then how many of you get a response? Or how many of you have to continue to tell your kid over and over and over to the point where you are frustrated and your about to give your child a spanking? …
I see this all the time. Overstressed parents that get frustrated because their kids don’t listen!
But what if you did things differently? What if there are other ways to help you be less stressed and frustrated?

So here we go: The secrete words DIRECTIVES and CONSEQUENCES.
What is a Directive?!
That’s you telling your kid what to do. But here is a different way to do this. But before I teach you, you have to learn it, and then teach it to your child by explaining it to him/her what it is and how it goes. Then you will teach them consequences, I you will learn how to here.

A Directive:

It has three Parts:
1. The “To do”: (ex. Juan goes takes out the trash).
2. TIME: (ex. You have 15 minutes to take it out).
3. Acknowledgement that he will do it: (Thanks).

Juan go take out the trash, you have 15 minutes to do it, Thanks.
So what changed? You gave them time! You see…right away only frustrated you, not them. But they end up mad at you because “you’re treating them like a (slave/dog/worker/waiter…” so I’ve heard…
Imagine If “I told you, go clean your house RIGHT NOW!” You will be like…

1. Who are you to tell me anything, 2. Mum no. 3. Really. Can you be more diva about it? Well, well, imagine that! You did not like it. Well imagine if you did not like it, now much less your kid will not like it either!

So this is what you are teaching your child with giving them time. Respect. As a mother and human you are teaching them respect. I mean, maybe they are about to win a video game that they have worked soooooo hard to win. Or they might be in the middle of a math problem, they may even be reading! But most likely they are on their iPad or iPhone kicking with their friends. Regardless you have implemented accountability, responsibility, trust and acknowledgement…all of which work with respect.

AND WHAT IF THEY DON’T LISTEN?

(You have to keep a timer for yourself) AFTER, if they have gone their time, you give them one more minute, but you tell them they have one more minute.

Q. AND IF THEY DON’T listens?

A.You place a consequence.

A consequence is simple. Something your child likes (cannot be daily food intake or anything that are needs). More like (iPad, iPhone, video games, going outside to play, playing with the neighbors, playing board games, etc.

Do not use food as a consequences or reward. You don’t want them to have food issues later in life.
And the consequences should be taken away depending on age.
Like time out for ages 2-7. Depending on their age.

If your child likes to watch cartoons then take it away for their favorite show. If they throw a tantrum, ignore their behaviors. (But make sure they are ok). For older kids it goes the same. Ignore the Negative behaviors and pay attention to the positive ones.
Let me know how that goes.

NOW that you have read this, make sure you explain to them what your will be doing. Juan, I’m going to start doing something new… I’m going to begin to give you time and this is how it goes.
Explain the three parts of the directives, the extra one minute and then explain the consequence. You know your child better than others (we hope) so talk to them in lay terms.

And Like I say: Consistency is your best friend when it comes to children.

Emotionally Ready for School

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By Renata Klabacha, LMFT

Whether it’s first day of preschool or first semester of college, children experience a wide range of emotions about returning to school; anxiety, excitement, hope and fear. It’s important to have a conversation to normalize and validate all their feelings.

Many kids are excited and look forward to seeing friends that they haven’t seen during the summer. They get to catch up and share summer adventures. Some children might be nervous to make new friends after a move while others worry that old friends won’t like them anymore. Parents can assure children that many kids feel the same and review how to make or keep friends. The Golden Rule applies to all ages; be kind, friendly, respectful and most of all be themselves. Have your child identify qualities that they possess that others appreciate and enjoy. As your child recognizes these characteristics their self-confidence and self-worth with grow, melting away any fears.

Children also worry about their academic performance. Again validate and normalize their fears. Remind your child that the school’s job is to challenge them and build on their previous knowledge. Explain to your child, that you expect them to have some struggles. This is normal and learning something new can be very difficult. Have your child identify times that they have struggles with an activity and how it got easier as they keep trying. Children with learning disabilities can be very sensitive to any criticism. Inform the teacher of the child’s learning struggles early on and maintain in contact throughout the school year to assure your child is getting the attention he or she needs. With your child, create a list of people who can help and encourage your child to ask for help often. Praise them when they do ask for help. Remind children that they are not competing with other students, they are completing with themselves.

Unfortunately children who have been bullied fear and hate going back to school. Empower your child by role-playing ways to use their voice and stand up to bullies. If your child struggles to protect themselves, reach out to teachers, school staff, and administration for assistance. Outside of school, enroll your child in an activity that makes them feel strong and confident. Any type of martial arts can make a huge difference. It helps a child learn how to physically defend themselves. Rarely, do children use their new martial arts skills to hurt others, since it is not a part of the philosophy. This allows them to better access the situation with the bully, know when to walk away, and brush off any insults; which will make them a less desirable target for bullies. Have your child pass it on, by aiding friends or other students who are also being bullied.

Lastly, find school programs or sports that match your child’s interests. It will build a connection to the school while providing support for parents and student. Assuring that the child will be involved in positive activities.