Category: Mental Health TIPs

All TIPS for Mental Health

Being…

Authentically you (be warned this is a post you read after coffee).

I usually find it easy to be myself. Until I get sick or trapped in my own self.

Have you ever felt this? Where you are on a roll, and then life happens. Simple allergies that feel like that are overtaking your body like a…(ready a long run-on sentence because my grammar is Bitbantersexy…lol) norovisrus covid PTSD moment coughing frenzy comes and you are now left in bed talking to your friends instead of being with them but you already had plans to go visit some awesome nature park but can’t because your coughing off a storm and its windy and who knows when your body will recover. Yes, this happens to many of us in spring, all because they want to grow, little beautiful flowers. The pollen is in full bloom and then… bam! Achoo! 

And the first question that comes out of people’s mind is, she is sick Have COVID? You would think that a few years after such pandemic, we have been able to reduce that question. However, it’s the first questions that comes to our mind. It makes me wonder how people during the depression felt and how long they take those lessons of life with them throughout life. And how drastic those thoughts are to whom the depression did not affect them (The Psychology of Money, gave me that thought). It’s what takes being…to a whole new level. Mind you, we take being to our own level, we raise our own bars (enter a friend telling me “Get a bar.”). We elevate who we are with, who we are talking to, and who we allow to be in our lives. And we allow them to bring us up too (If we let them). So when it comes to being authentic, and then get sick and feel trapped, we must muster through the fields of whatever our minds are going through and unstrap ourselves by allow a little virus we got from a kid who was probably sick and left the virus germ on a door knob that your opened to go an help someone else as your finish your round up (this I statement I started using recently ‘:-) Round up). 

Being Sick 

It’s funny how our body attack can change our thinking. Weather (storm lol) it be because of how we just feel like MEEEEEHHHH or because we place this idea in our mind that we are trapped and HAVE to stay in bed to recuperate and let this body that has gone through so many wars already go through something like so again. But is it really a war? (Just saying, it’s a cough that made you have bronchio spams… altering your voice so that you have sexy voice…I mean lol). 

But regardless of being any type of sick or having a chronic illness, being you at that moment and time is because of something, or it may even help someone else. 

Being Authentically You

I’ve learned this the hard way, that being you, with whom you are with will allow anything to happen. I met up with an old friend and I warned her I was not my best, yet even sick, I had the most incredible talk about something and everything. She understood me, in different ways because we just understand each other. The right people come to us when we least expect it. I just spoke to someone today, and he provided the sense of love, calm, and peace I needed to get through a bronchio-spasm asthmatic moment comes in and laughter comes in. I mean it gets better when you allow people whom your instincts tell you are worth being in your life. When you can be yourself with someone and they just smile, laugh, or don’t try to change you…and allow you to be…you. These moments are called elevating human energy. And this is something I’m defiantly interested in. 

When you allow people and you come with who you are at that moment. And you allow yourself to be you… so much can happen. Yes, even if you are feeling trapped in your body and feeling sick. Giving positive energy is reciprocated with the people that are meant to be in your life and vice versa. And like with everything, always know your boundaries. You don’t want to get overused either. Everything with good measure. 

I’m out to get some rest and sleep to have more of that energy stuff and help humans get to where they want to get to, Healthy too. Make it a great (enter when you are reading this)! (If you want). -Jes 

Finding a Good Therapist For Your Child

To look for a child therapist can be nerve-wracking. Try not to let this deter you from getting the treatment your child needs. There are ways to find a therapist that is a good fit for your child and yourself.

Practical ways to find a good therapist for your child and you:

  • Talk with your friends and family to see if they have any recommendations of therapists they have found helpful for their children and families.
  • Check with your insurance provider for a list of therapist and begin calling those on the list
  • Ask your primary care physician or pediatrician for a recommendation.
  • Search the internet for local providers.
  • Verify that the therapist has a clean record through the state licensing department such as the Board of Behavioral Sciences in California (https://www.breeze.ca.gov/datamart/selSearchTypeCADCA.do?from=loginPage)

Questions to ask a potential therapist:

  1. Do they have experience working with the age group of your child?
  2. What is their theoretical framework? Have them explain how they feel it can help your child. Have them explain the pros and cons of their treatment
  3. Do they appear comfortable and okay with your questions? If they seem defensive or judgmental then they likely are not a good fit.
    1. Don’t feel offended if they don’t want to answer personal questions, they are trained to make it all about you, not them.
  4. Are they open to including you in part of the treatment; family sessions, parenting collateral?
  5. Are they doing a complete assessment; asking about family history, current family composition, academic, and social functioning? These are all important in developing a sound diagnosis and treatment planning.
  6. Are they letting you know what the treatment is and obtaining your input, seeing if you have any concerns, and inquiring of your ideas of the possible problems and what the outcome is that you would like?
  7. Are they able to develop a good relationship with your child and you?

Know your rights!

  1. If you do not feel a therapist is a good fit, you have the right to request a different one!

For more information on finding a good therapist, check these additional resources

http://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/children/treatment/choosing-therapist-your-child

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/nurturing-resilience/201011/finding-great-therapist-your-child

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/daniela-tempesta-lcsw/how-to-pick-a-therapist_b_4571857.html

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/01/26/10-ways-to-find-a-good-therapist/

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist

Phototastic-1_26_2016_4b9fbaee-a904-449c-a887-58a8102f8fde (2)

Michelle Natale LMFT

Michelle is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been working with youth and families for over 17 years.

Michelle graduated from Chapman University with her Masters in Psychology; emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy.

Michelle earned her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from California State University at Northridge.

Life Testing

Everyday I wake up and think… what should I write about today? Should I do research, should I spellcheck… hey, should I find someone to inspire me today…

So I decided to just write from my heart this year. And off we go to our second post instead. That’s whole blogger thing, ya know? 😉

 

You know, going through testing In life has to be one of the most difficult things we go through in life… a test. Not to demise a medical test or any other test…? but a test of life. I’ve noticed, that life tests us often and sometimes we don’t know what to do… and we freak out, we cry instead. ? It’s true!! And there is nothing wrong with it, it’s actually healing to cry at loss, because it’s something that you cared for, or someone that gave you breathe. Nevertheless, testing comes… and something I’ve also realized is that we learned something as young kids from long long ago… we we fall or get tradgically tested, we still can get up. We might get bruised up, we might get a bump on our heads… but yet we continue to strive ahead. As we get older some of us will learn to walk with crutches, with wheelchairs and most of us with our legs… but the point of it all as the we learned early lessons. Early lessons to let us keep going ahead.

I hope this reminder helps you to keep forward, keep moving ahead.

Smile (if you want)
Jes

Mourning

The death of a loved one is one of life’s most stressful events. It can be the catalyst of major emotional crises to those who mourn. Grief is the internal (emotional) reaction to the death of a loved one whereas mourning is the external (behavioral)  reaction of this grief. Whether the death was expect or unaccepted, a variety of emotions arise.  These include but  are not limited to:

  • Denial
  • Disbelief
  • Confusion
  • Shock
  • Sadness
  • Yearning
  • Anger
  • Humiliation
  • Despair
  • Guilt

Historically, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5 Stages of Loss, where readily used to explain grieving; this is no longer practiced to support mourners. There are no strategic stages to grieving. Grief is a journey marked by easier moments and moments of hardship. One never gets over the death of a loved one. We simply learn to live with the loss and learn healthier ways of coping. In essence, creating a new normal.

The intensity and longevity of grieving emotions and mourning behaviors varies; everyone is different in their journey. However, there are strategies a person can use to take care for themselves through the grieving process.

  1. Seek support.  Whether is in the form of friends or relatives or professional help. Seek to express what you are feeling and going through at this time.
  2. Take care of your health. The stress the body goes through after the death of a loved one can lead to physical complications. Make sure to care for your physical well being; be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
  3. Avoid making major life decisions. Give yourself time to adjust to the death. Another change can further complicate your emotional health and further your stress level.
  4. Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.

Remember, with support, patience and effort, you will survive grief. Some day the pain will lessen, leaving you with cherished memories of your loved one.

Resources:

National Alliance for Grieving Children. 2016. Web. 30 Jan 2016.

Gupta, Sanjay. “How Grief Can Make You Sick.” Everydayhealth. Every Day Health Media, LLC. Web. 28 January 2016.

Richardson, Angelle. Personal interview. 29 January 2016

yaritza

Yaritza Zayas, MS, MFT, LPC
Yaritza Zayas, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor .   She is co-owner  of SHARE Counseling & Therapy Services™, a private practice in Philadelphia, Pa.  Yaritza graduated from Temple University with her B.S. in Human Biology and a minor in Anthropology. She earned her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Holy Family University.

Change Rejection into a Gift

What a weird word to write about in February, right?
Well, for those of us who have ongoing issues with rejection (a lot of people do). It’s time to fess up and be vulnerable. Meaning, Change your thinking of rejection into a positive one. Being Vulnerable is a strength. It means you are allowing yourself to be, feel and grow. WHAAAAAAA (in a *minion voice*). Yup! Turn your rejection into a positive!
How the hezy?
Well, here is a thought starter:

1. Know that not everyone in the world will say yes to you. And know that, that rejection in itself is a gift.
ɡift/
noun
noun: gift; plural noun: gifts
A thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present. (Thanks, Google, 2016).

2. Acknowledge that you are feeling hurt. Why? Because you are a person and we were created to be acknowledged, even we have to acknowledge the feeling of hurt once we are being rejected.
The reason to acknowledge your feeling is to allow you to feel. To realize that you are important. This does NOT mean you have to go all Carrie on someone because of your feeling hurt due to being rejected… No one else can make you think or feel but you.
You are in control of you… no one else controls your thoughts of feelings unless your body is going chemically hey wire (side note: this means EVERYONE at some point in their life, or points… and this is not an excuse most of the time) in which there are people there to help you (talk to your insurance carrier to help you find someone). Oh yeah, or you have become a Stepford wife and you have become into a machine. XP Controlling others is too much work anyways, just be!

3. Be… Being human, yes we are imperfect, but just because we are not perfect, that does not mean that we are not good enough, because we are good enough. More so, rejection is one of those gifts Life gives us to help us stay humble. You begin to grow when you realize that it’s ok for someone to say no to us, yet we are still good enough… No one can change the value of humanness that you have placed upon yourself. No one.
Did I confuse you? Good. Take time to read what I wrote, and enjoy the process of loving yourself and accepting yourself for all you are, flawless in all flaws, and strong in all weakness.

Smile if you want,
@JesSofiaValle

 

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

How to Help Decrease #Anxiety before a #Surgery: Simple Tips

By Jes Sofia Valle, MA IMFT

Anxiety is a sign, an alert that something is off. Well when you are about to have surgery HECK YEAH there is something wrong! So of course your anxiety will increase! Boy logic I tell ya. Anxiety before having a surgery is wayyyyy normal. If you didn’t have some anxiety well… you would be a machine. And though most of us are well run oiled machines… we are also humans.

So no, you are not bonkers because you have anxiety before surgery. You are having surgery. It is normal.

So here is a list of things you can do to help you decrease your anxiety before you have surgery, I’ll explain why it’s important too. I will also keep it light because you need to laugh about it a little even though surgery is very serious…

  1. Breath…

We go through a lot, and finding out you are having surgery can be shocking. Sometimes we forget to breath because we don’t know “what might happen.” Trust that you will be ok. Breathing allows your muscles to get that oxygen that they need to relax and not be so tense. Also, drinking water is important. (But talk to your doctor about what you need to drink or not drink and by when you should stop drinking anything).

  1. If you feel you have to, Cry.

If you have to release your emotions do so! If you have to vent, warn your friend before you start venting so they can be prepared to help you. Don’t get all mad if they are no prepared, find another friend. Call you psychotherapist and set up a session, heck that’s why you pay them for right? 🙂

  1. Keep it positive!

We are humans, and thinking of the worst is something we tend to do! LIKE: WHOOOOOA what am I going to do?! Where is my car?! Hot or cold?? My house! What are my kids going to eat? I can’t cook (some of ya can’t really cook anyways and are talking about I can’t cook for them! LOL). Keep it simple. Keep it calm.

I can tell you from prior experience, it’s hard to do at first, just remind yourself you are an awesome human.

Keeping it positive helps you keep focused. SO…

  1. Make a list of questions.

Ask your doctor and ASK them! This will help with all the “what ifs” which can increase the anxiety. This way you can ask away, talk to the doctor about all your concerns and be honest and that will help you relieve some stress.

  1. Make To do list.

Make a list of the things you have to do before your surgery. Why? Because you need to get yourself organized and focused on yourself because you ARE important, let alone if you have kids and dogs or cats! It will also keep you busy and you will feel ready. JUST don’t focus on the List TOO much. If you have friends who offer you help, take it.

Here is my to do list as an Example (example):

  1. Tell friends and family (If you don’t tell anyone, they will not know and tell them to bring healthy foods only.)

2.Paperwork needed to be done for work.

3.Tell lead intern to gather and give me date and time for meeting.

  1. Pay Bills for next month
  2. Buy dog food.
  3. Clean house, disinfect   (actually cleaning is a great stress reducer, but if you can’t move don’t do it!)
  4. Tell brother/cousin to help with Buddy (Dog, walk morning/night feed).
  5. Buy healthy meals freeze (since you can’t cook as you will be in bed rest).
  6. Update your will, live will… finance will – be graceful and kind.
  7. Take a shower… and eat healthy!
  8. Relax

Do some yoga. Meditate and hang out with friends. Put your phone down. It’s important you make time for you and your family. Don’t get too involved in new things… keep it simple.

  1. Smile. Laugh. Lunch.

Remember you are getting through it. They are going in you to help “fix” the situation. This is part of your healing process. A friend once told me, you don’t have control of what they do, but you do have control of what happens before and after the surgery. And trust your doctors. Make them some good cupcakes before your surgery and create that positive environment… #justsaying

  1. Watch a funny movie.

I recommend you do NOT watch your surgery that sometimes can give you more anxiety because you will have it in your mind over and over and over… and that is exactly what we are trying to help you work through.

  1. Keep it healthy

If you can, work out, stretch your neck (ask your doctor what you can’t and can do). Talk to you Dietitian and ask what you can and cannot eat. And get ready for your healing process. Take a Brisk walk with your kid, partner, dog or cat.

  1. Have faith, whatever you believe trust that you will be ok. And one last thing… leave me a comment with more intel 😀

Smile (if you want to)

Jes Sofia

Emotionally Ready for School

By Renata Klabacha, LMFT

Whether it’s first day of preschool or first semester of college, children experience a wide range of emotions about returning to school; anxiety, excitement, hope and fear. It’s important to have a conversation to normalize and validate all their feelings.
Many kids are excited and look forward to seeing friends that they haven’t seen during the summer. They get to catch up and share summer adventures. Some children might be nervous to make new friends after a move while others worry that old friends won’t like them anymore. Parents can assure children that many kids feel the same and review how to make or keep friends. The Golden Rule applies to all ages; be kind, friendly, respectful and most of all be themselves. Have your child identify qualities that they possess that others appreciate and enjoy. As your child recognizes these characteristics their self-confidence and self-worth with grow, melting away any fears.
Children also worry about their academic performance. Again validate and normalize their fears. Remind your child that the school’s job is to challenge them and build on their previous knowledge. Explain to your child, that you expect them to have some struggles. This is normal and learning something new can be very difficult. Have your child identify times that they have struggles with an activity and how it got easier as they keep trying. Children with learning disabilities can be very sensitive to any criticism. Inform the teacher of the child’s learning struggles early on and maintain in contact throughout the school year to assure your child is getting the attention he or she needs. With your child, create a list of people who can help and encourage your child to ask for help often. Praise them when they do ask for help. Remind children that they are not competing with other students, they are completing with themselves.
Unfortunately children who have been bullied fear and hate going back to school. Empower your child by role-playing ways to use their voice and stand up to bullies. If your child struggles to protect themselves, reach out to teachers, school staff, and administration for assistance. Outside of school, enroll your child in an activity that makes them feel strong and confident. Any type of martial arts can make a huge difference. It helps a child learn how to physically defend themselves. Rarely, do children use their new martial arts skills to hurt others, since it is not a part of the philosophy. This allows them to better access the situation with the bully, know when to walk away, and brush off any insults; which will make them a less desirable target for bullies. Have your child pass it on, by aiding friends or other students who are also being bullied.
Lastly, find school programs or sports that match your child’s interests. It will build a connection to the school while providing support for parents and student. Assuring that the child will be involved in positive activities.

5 New Year Resolutions You DEFINITELY want to make for 2014

By Brandise Brockington

In a media driven, beauty inundated society, we are pressured to work on our outside appearances, and sometimes, our insides, the true essence of who we are, can be in serious need of T.L.C.

While pursuing a new diet, to get rid of those holiday pound cakes, or starting a new workout regime, add these tips for use in the New Year, and all year long as well.

  1. Pursue Peace:

Our lives can get very busy! Work, Relationships, Responsibilities….all of these can leave us wiped out and stressed out. What can you schedule into your list of busy life demands that fosters your peace? I say schedule, because it has to be non negotiable. Here are a few ideas: a walk on the beach, sing in the shower, get a pedicure, read a book….

  1. Love Yourself:

Sounds easier said than done, but I mean it in a balanced way. Love your strengths, be aware of your weaknesses, and celebrate whom you are and how far you have come. Don’t spend any time comparing yourself to someone else’s journey. I have always believed that true beauty radiates from the inside out, and we can’t truly love others, until we love ourselves.

  1. Forgive:

Yes I said it! When you read this, was there a certain person whose face came to mind? Is there a situation that happened last year, or before, that still boils your blood?   I read once, that forgives is like drinking poison, and expecting the other person to die. Isn’t that crazy? Forgiveness is for YOU, not them. Forgiveness means you release the offending party in your HEART, so that you can be healthy. It in no way justifies or makes acceptable whatever they have done to you. You may need to find someone to help you walk through this process, but I promise you, in the end, you will be healthy and whole inside!

  1. Laugh Loud and Laugh Often:

Did you know that laughter is good medicine? Have you ever had one of those good laughs, the ones that make you cry? I have a friend, and she is soooo funny! When she calls me, it’s usually to tell some silly thing that happened to her, and we literally are crying tears of joy on the phone! Sometimes, it’s just those moments that are so timely, and extremely effective in relieving stress.   I also remember once having an awful break up. I was so sad. I called that same friend’s mom because I needed some advice on how to cope. She told me to watch some part of my favorite funny movie everyday, even if it was just a few minutes. It helped! It got my mind off of the break up, and I felt better! Laughter is healing!

  1. Focus on the Positive:

Let’s face it; it’s much easier to focus on what’s WRONG. Turn on the news, and the reports are filled with the negative and horrible things that happened today in your neighborhood, and around the world.   We have to put forth effort to find the good, and focus on that. I am not suggesting that we live in a happy bubble, ignoring problems that arise. Make yourself write a list of the 5 things that went RIGHT today. Also, make a jar, and for every good thing that happens to you in 2014, make a note and drop it in the jar. Fill the jar with positive quotes as well. When you are having a bad day, pull something out, and remind yourself to focus on the positive.

Beauty radiates from the inside out. Let’s spend 2014 working on our hearts, minds, and our spirit. Here’s to a beautiful 2014!

BOH Beauty

Brandise is a stylist working from Hawaii to New York. She is an advocate for children and health as she knows that Self-esteem is concern in the Beauty community.

Born and raised in Hawaii, Brandise has always had a passion for all things beauty. Brandise recalls, “I remember playing in my grandmother’s make up as often as I could when I was a little girl. And I have always been the family hairstylist for as long as I can remember.”

Brandise specializes in bringing excellence and simplicity to the complex beauty process. She is adept at bringing beauty to your everyday life, and enhancing that beauty for special occasions.