Category: Illness

Being…

Authentically you (be warned this is a post you read after coffee).

I usually find it easy to be myself. Until I get sick or trapped in my own self.

Have you ever felt this? Where you are on a roll, and then life happens. Simple allergies that feel like that are overtaking your body like a…(ready a long run-on sentence because my grammar is Bitbantersexy…lol) norovisrus covid PTSD moment coughing frenzy comes and you are now left in bed talking to your friends instead of being with them but you already had plans to go visit some awesome nature park but can’t because your coughing off a storm and its windy and who knows when your body will recover. Yes, this happens to many of us in spring, all because they want to grow, little beautiful flowers. The pollen is in full bloom and then… bam! Achoo! 

And the first question that comes out of people’s mind is, she is sick Have COVID? You would think that a few years after such pandemic, we have been able to reduce that question. However, it’s the first questions that comes to our mind. It makes me wonder how people during the depression felt and how long they take those lessons of life with them throughout life. And how drastic those thoughts are to whom the depression did not affect them (The Psychology of Money, gave me that thought). It’s what takes being…to a whole new level. Mind you, we take being to our own level, we raise our own bars (enter a friend telling me “Get a bar.”). We elevate who we are with, who we are talking to, and who we allow to be in our lives. And we allow them to bring us up too (If we let them). So when it comes to being authentic, and then get sick and feel trapped, we must muster through the fields of whatever our minds are going through and unstrap ourselves by allow a little virus we got from a kid who was probably sick and left the virus germ on a door knob that your opened to go an help someone else as your finish your round up (this I statement I started using recently ‘:-) Round up). 

Being Sick 

It’s funny how our body attack can change our thinking. Weather (storm lol) it be because of how we just feel like MEEEEEHHHH or because we place this idea in our mind that we are trapped and HAVE to stay in bed to recuperate and let this body that has gone through so many wars already go through something like so again. But is it really a war? (Just saying, it’s a cough that made you have bronchio spams… altering your voice so that you have sexy voice…I mean lol). 

But regardless of being any type of sick or having a chronic illness, being you at that moment and time is because of something, or it may even help someone else. 

Being Authentically You

I’ve learned this the hard way, that being you, with whom you are with will allow anything to happen. I met up with an old friend and I warned her I was not my best, yet even sick, I had the most incredible talk about something and everything. She understood me, in different ways because we just understand each other. The right people come to us when we least expect it. I just spoke to someone today, and he provided the sense of love, calm, and peace I needed to get through a bronchio-spasm asthmatic moment comes in and laughter comes in. I mean it gets better when you allow people whom your instincts tell you are worth being in your life. When you can be yourself with someone and they just smile, laugh, or don’t try to change you…and allow you to be…you. These moments are called elevating human energy. And this is something I’m defiantly interested in. 

When you allow people and you come with who you are at that moment. And you allow yourself to be you… so much can happen. Yes, even if you are feeling trapped in your body and feeling sick. Giving positive energy is reciprocated with the people that are meant to be in your life and vice versa. And like with everything, always know your boundaries. You don’t want to get overused either. Everything with good measure. 

I’m out to get some rest and sleep to have more of that energy stuff and help humans get to where they want to get to, Healthy too. Make it a great (enter when you are reading this)! (If you want). -Jes 

Iron Deficiency Anemia: The Feels of it all

I recently when through infusions for Iron Deficiency Anemia a long and interesting process.  I can tell you this… OUCH! and Ahhhh-ayeeee! Where words I used when I was going through the process. So earlier this year I took some time because there were many variables telling me to rest. I had just come back from rest, and yet, I did not feel rested. Working with families and communities can be a lot, and it wasn’t what was keeping me tired, because I felt alive while helping. How can I help others when I kept coughing and feeling low of energy? There was something else, something I felt was not right. Month after month I kept feeling tired and had continued low energy. My atoms, neurons, and connections did not seem to be working, I was not my bubbly, energy fused me. I tried very hard to continue me…but that in itself made me sad because it was no longer normal. I wasn’t able to pass test that I was taking, I felt depleted, distracted and some depressive symptoms fell upon me. I didn’t know what it was, I knew I didn’t suffer from depression, or maybe it was my first episode, I thought. I knew all the symptoms after diagnosing many people after ten years as Marriage and Family Therapist, and I knew how they looked on others. I was dumb founded that I was feeling this low of energy. I wasn’t motivated. I wasn’t doing the same in all areas of my life. So I looked through Depression symptoms: (The pink I felt)

  • “Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
  • Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
  • Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
  • Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
  • Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
  • Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
  • Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
  • Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
  • Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
  • Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches” (Mayo Clinic, 2017 1)

I sought help. I called my doctor and we could not understand why my asthma had increased, why I was coughing so much, why my head hurt, by body ached and my spine and muscles where flaring up (had two prior spine surgeries). I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what.  When he took my blood (Red Life Syrup), he was scared for my life. My Red Life syrup was like OMGOSH YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A ZOMBIE! Well…maybe a Vampire!… as I needed life syrup. 0.o The counts…they where low (no pun intended, well maybe), more than Half low in life syrup I was informed, and my Iron numbers where also super low. I had elevated numbers of inflammation and so I was treated for a chest infection, and ear infection with anti-biotic and loads of cranberry juice and green juice where my friend. I joined an amazing support group online to see “What the heck!!!” lol My doctors were amazing and they had me on Iron 325 mg 3xs daily and loads of greens and iron foods. I even opened up to my Facebook friends and I was even cooking on an Iron skillet thanks to my Register dietitian friends advice.

I was like, WOW, really lady?! My doctor who knows me very well personality, positivity and all that comes with my awesome self package was like “this is not you.” For him to tell me he was scared, I got permission to worry. I looked and felt depleted. Dark circles under my eyes, shaking like I was with Chanklas (sandals) and a robe in the snow and my nails where purple, always braking and I felt brittle. I couldn’t sleep and I felt pain. You would think I could sleep long ends, but it was the opposite. I went for days without sleep. I took Netflix and Chill to a whole new level… LOL It was me and Pillow. When I felt energy I ran to Mr. Snow. Where my Chills and shaking looked normal and being Blue was a normal thing. I felt like I was breathing clean air, and breathing hard was normal. I thought it was just pollution messing me up sometimes too. And when I slept, thanks to Norcos due to pain, I woke up feeling drowsy, muggy, like I just got up from being dead. I wasn’t me. I kept feeling buzzed, like I had taken two cups of wine instead of one, even when not on pain meds.

@-@

“Iron deficiency anemia is a common type of anemia — a condition in which blood lacks adequate healthy red blood cells. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the body’s tissues.” (Mayo Clinic, 2017)

“Initially, iron deficiency anemia can be so mild that it goes unnoticed. But as the body becomes more deficient in iron and anemia worsens, the signs and symptoms intensify.

Iron deficiency anemia signs and symptoms may include:

  • Extreme fatigue
  • Weakness
  • Pale skin
  • Chest pain, fast heartbeat or shortness of breath
  • Headache, dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Cold hands and feet
  • Inflammation or soreness of your tongue
  • Brittle nails
  • Unusual cravings for non-nutritive substances, such as ice, dirt or starch
  • Poor appetite, especially in infants and children with iron deficiency anemia” (Mayo Clinic, 2017)

After months of diagnosing and waiting for my body to heal, medicines that stopped my Life Syrup depletions monthly and loads of abdominal checks, I had a small surgery in hopes that was the cause of why… and after that I still felt low. I had iron infusion therapy, the red pill was not working and eating greens and healthy Iron filled foods where like nothing. So Therapy it was, where I was placed in a large room with others going through similar weakness, and others going through becoming weaker battling cancer and other conditions… I then understood that Anemia was not like any other battle, and when others said “OH ITS JUST MY ANEMIA” I understood that they had found their peace to being ironwomen and ironmen.  I understood that it was a battle for your life on an everyday scale and sadness and emotions that came with it where due to the health diagnosis. After all, our thoughts are fused with our body as our brain is held in it. I had diagnosed “due to General Medical Condition” I understood it from an educational level and years of observation… and now, I knew of it as experienced it. It’s both mental and physical staying alive. I never understood why there was such separation. Thank God I am bubbly again. I feel energy and I’m exercising and being once with nature and hike daily walks again. I have my bad and good days like anyone else… but I get through it. I’ll begin to work again and yours and My prayers worked, and God made some amazing doctors to help me through my process.

Get help when you don’t feel like yourself.

Sharing is Caring: My doctors

Smile (if you want),

Jes

Gastroparesis: The Story Behind the Tubes.

Submitted by @melissarvh on 2015/04/09 at 10:26 pm

During my 37 years, I have faced numerous obstacles. Some as a result of my actions, some unable to avoid. Some more minor than others. Some to personal to share. I believe that God places some obstacles in our paths to build character, build inner strength, teach us lessons, and bring us even closer to him. Challenges are not to be taken lightly. Everyone has them, it’s how you choose to face and overcome them that matters.

A recent challenge for me was facing the fact that I needed a feeding tube and how to avoid the shameful stigma that I believed came with it.

In the latter part of April 2013 I was hospitalized and diagnosed with Gastroparesis. I was discharged from the hospital on a liquid only diet. I had to write down ALL of my input and output, which was actually pretty easy being that not much of anything, even though only liquids, would stay down. I was in a lot of pain from trying to force liquids but getting nowhere. I was lucky if I could handle 1 Gatorade a day, sipping a little at a time. As the week progressed, my ability to drink anything dwindled while my feeling of weakness increased. As instructed, I kept my new Gastroenterologist up to date via emails. By the end of the week he instructed me to return to the hospital and that we were probably going to have to discuss a feeding tube.

A feeding tube! What was that? What did that mean? I had never heard about people like me having a feeding tube. Weren’t people with feeding tubes old and/or dying? How would they place it? How long would I need it? What would it be like? All these questions were so overwhelming!

After picking up my kids from school, I gave them a huge hug and kiss before heading back for UNC. After my admittance, my nerves were all over the place. However, realizing that I was literally receiving NO fluids or nutrition via oral means, I had to do something. It was no secret that I could not survive or live like this.

I was terrified! Luckily, I was blessed to have my same hospitalist from my previous hospitalization. He was amazing at calming my fears and preparing mentally for the surgery. Unfortunately, I was only under his care for the first few days of my readmission. Thankfully, he was able to make all of the arrangements prior to being switched to a different doctor. My GI helped ease my fears as well. Even though he was not on rotation, he made a point to come visit me and explain to me in person why he believed I needed a feeding tube and answer any questions that I had.

Surgery day came very quickly. Mentally, I believed I was as prepared as I could possibly be. I trusted my GI and my initial hospitalist and agreed that a GJ feeding tube was my best option. If my stomach wasn’t going to cooperate, then I could just skip it and feed straight into my small intestines, decreasing the pain and nausea. I have to admit, the option was sounding pretty good.

After waking from surgery, I was in a lot of pain. Much more pain than expected. I knew the pain would eventually pass but hopeful that my nutrition would increase to the point I could be active again. Unfortunately, I felt like a freak when I saw the long tube hanging from my abdomen. How had my life come to this point? Would I be like this forever? What would my family, especially kids and husband think?

The first few months happened to be summer break, which worked out great for me. To begin with, I tried to keep my tube feedings private. I fed when I was at home and unhooked when I chose to go anywhere in public. When school began back, I started running my feeds only at home and overnight. I did not want my students and colleagues to see this feeding tube. I did not want to appear like a freak, weird, or weak.

This was my challenge; I had to learn to accept a feeding tube. Yes, needing a feeding tube may have been caused by Gastroparesis but learning to live with it was all me. I had to face the challenge head on and overcome the fear of social stigma. I had to become courageous and not be ashamed. True, I had a feeding tube and some would look at me differently, but why should that matter? If I wanted to be an active mother and teacher, I had to face my fears. And that I did.

I began wearing my tube feedings (in backpack) all day. To begin with I was self conscious, but eventually I became more comfortable. Instead of looking at my backpack as a curse, I looked at it as a way to advocate and educate my students. I shared the reason for the pump, educated how my digestive tract was impaired, and how the feedings helped me function. I even bought a more comfortable and stylish backpack. Even though I was under the recommended caloric intake (about 1/2 of what the goal set was) I was active.

I wish I could say that I have overcome all of the challenges set forth by the debilitating disease, Gastroparesis. Unfortunately, I am still fighting battles and challenges from Gastroparesis daily! The pain, the nausea, inability to eat, bloating, fatigue, etc continue every single day. The tube changes every 3 months, unless unexpected problems/issues arise. Most recently fighting these challenges have become more difficult. BUT, I did overcome the challenge of accepting my feeding tube and using the experience to educate others; And I must admit that was definitely an extremely daunting challenge.

The only advice that I can give to others that either have or are considering feeding tubes is to do what is best for your health. Feeding tubes are not ideal, they are not the “magic pill”, they do not cure diseases, but they are a means to much needed nutrition. I would love for other tubies to know that they are not alone and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. There are many online support groups available; some disease specific and others just for tubies in general. I strongly recommend other tubies reach out and find a support group that is right for them. Support groups offer you a chance to ask for advice, share personal stories, vent, share advice from own experiences, and even form friendships.

I am pleased that I overcame the Tubie Challenge. Now if I could just tackle the Gastroparesis Challenge!

Visit our advocacy community page:
Gastroparesis: Fighting for Change https://www.facebook.com/Gastroparesis.FightingForChange.Page

Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

By Renata Klabacha, MA, LMFT

September is known to most people as end of summer and back to school time. A few years ago it took on a new meaning; Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. My best friend’s daughter Carolina was diagnosed with leukemia. It was devastating and frightening for my friend and her family. However, Carolina’s treatments have been going very well and everyone is hopeful that it will continue. No small feat for a seven year old, but she’s a sassy, strong warrior. Check out her Facebook page, Carolina’s Cause.
As a mental health professional, I understand that any major health diagnosis can wreak havoc on a family. It is common to cause misbehaviors, drop in grades, conflicts with others, and even depression. Not just in the patient, but siblings as well. Parents may have more arguments due to all the stressors and self-care is extremely important. It is crucial for parents to maintain structure and discipline. This will be very tough, because as parents, during a child’s illness we want to be comforting, not authoritative. However, being that solid rock is exactly what a child needs at this time. It’s critical for the child (and siblings) to understand that rules still apply and that their illness doesn’t give them a pass on good behaviors. That being said, parents will need to learn the new balancing act of assessing misbehaviors, determining what can be ignored or what might be a side-effect and thus, what needs to be addressed. It’s necessary during this time to reach out to support systems and community resources. Mental health counseling with a medical social worker can assist the patient and family in navigating any heartbreaking diagnosis and aid families in creating a new “normal level” of family functioning. The adjustment time for every family will be different, but it can also strengthen the family bond and build resiliency. The social workers or counselors can connect families to support groups, camps, counseling, advocate with insurance plans and psycho-educate about federal or state benefit laws.
So as September comes to an end, please join the event “Turn Facebook Orange and Gold For the Month of September!!!” in order to bring awareness to Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. To learn more about childhood cancer, please visit Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. They are making tremendous strides in treating children’s cancer through research and community outreach.
http://www.chop.edu/service/oncology/childhood-cancer-awareness/childhood-cancer-awareness-infographic.html#.Uh6Anicjcwo.facebook          
Renata Klabacha, MA, LMFT

Child and Family Therapist, Chicago IL.